May 27, 2015
These are lemon bar none the best way to make somone sweet into a tart
Lemon bars are a fairly innocuous sweet treat favored by WASPy church ladies and the uptight men that don’t get to bang them. Even I can appreciate the wholesome nature of these lovely lemon luxuries. But that doesn’t mean we must have undying reverence for the sacred lemon bar. Make them right and lemon bars can be a citrus-soaked ticket to Boom-Shaka-Laka-Land. Praise be to the dessert treat that can lure in the do-gooder with the do-great ass using sweetness, then convince them to get naked with sour tart. Think of these lemon bars as the bait on a trap, a decoy if you will. Plant a seed with that sexy new coworker, naughty neighbor, or coffee shop acquaintance. Hand them a bar, allow them to experience the orgasmic indulgence in private and wait. Compliments and praise for your culinary prowess will surely follow. This is the part where you invite them over to your place for more of the same, but in a more intimate setting. Game, set and match! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | 
RECIPES, southern, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bait, bake, baking powder, bang, bar, boom shaka laka, butter, church lady, coconut, conservative, delicious, dessert, easy, eggs, flour, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, Lemon bar recipe, lemony, lunch, lure, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy lemon bars, snack, Sour, sugar, sugary, sundry, sweet, tart, tasty, trap, treat, vanilla, vegetarian, WASP, wholesome, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 18, 2015
This egg dish brings out the whore in anyone.
Who said breakfast can’t be quick, cheap and gourmet? These purveyors of untruths are likely terrorists or, at the very least, buzz kills. Ignore these fools for they know not what they say. Prepare to class up the morning after tainting it with unmentionable activities that would make the church ladies blush. Eggs Whorentine to the rescue! It’s got all the sexiness of Eggs Benedict, but with the spinach power of Popeye. Let your breakfast speak for itself when you have a sleeping beauty in your bed. Sure she/he is eager for you to report for duty, but damnit, you just gave them good loving and need a recharge. That’s where the protein in the eggs, carbohydrates of the English muffin and the famed Popeye power of spinach keep you going long and strong. Your first bite will send steam out of your ears and you’ll both be off for the next round and round. Toot toot! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, breakfast, delicious, easy, eggs, eggs Florentine, Eggs Florentine recipe, English muffin, fancy, Florentine, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hollandaise, hollandaise sauce recipe, intercourse, kitchen, morning, naked, poached, recipe, romance, sauté, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, toast | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 14, 2015
All hail Caesar Salad!
The classics deserve much props and little improvisation. You can’t get much more perfect than the Caesar Salad. Like a great lover, it is crisp, moist and creamy in all the right places. No wonder this salad is so universal on plates across the world. Now is your chance to wow even the most discriminate date with this simple DIY Caesar Salad from scratch. Once you make this ridiculously easy salad once, sequels by the dozen are sure to follow. This salad works perfectly as a starter before a blow-their-mind entrée, or can stand alone as a lunch. It was the perfect follow up course to the sultry French Onion Soup I served. Naturally, my date was satisfied to her core with such simplicity. She pounced like a wildcat before I could even finish. My only regret is that the lettuce wilted before I could eat the rest. I can always make more and more and more. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: anchovy, appetizer, bake, bang, Caesar salad, Caesar salad from scratch, chicken, chicken Caesar salad, country club, delicious, Dijon, easy, fancy, fast, from scratch, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leafy and lovely, lunch, naked, parmesan, recipe, romaine, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, toss your salad, Worcestershire, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 16, 2015
Bear fruit before you bare all
You should know better. This salad is reserved for the harvest Gods. But you eat it anyway. Sinner. Man should not have access to a salad this powerful. The discovery of this recipe is akin to Prometheus giving man fire. Sure I’ll have to wash a mountain of dishes for all eternity, but knowing you might serve this to a hot date makes it all worth it. Ye shall reap the glory from this culinary gem heretofore unattainable. It’s the only ammunition you’ll need for a successful conquest. The Forbidden Fruit Salad has delivered for me on more than on occasion, sexing up a few dull BREAKFASTS and lunches. This represents one of my favorite fruit combinations, but I encourage you to try your favorite. Did I mention this ultra-healthy salad will make certain bodily secretions taste way better? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: banana, bang, cinnamon, cloves, delicious, easy, fancy, Forbidden fruit salad recipe, fructose, fruit, fruit salad, fruit salad recipe, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, honey, honey dressing, intercourse, kitchen, kiwi, lemon juice, lemon zest, mango, naked, recipe, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, summer, tangerine, vegan, vegetarian | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 5, 2014
Once you go Greek, you don’t go back…unless you’re squeamish
The Greeks sure know how to live. They have amazing islands, beautiful tan people and ouzo that pours out of every faucet. Seriously. I actually took an ouzo shower in Mykonos. But the shower was in a club and my Greek friends were pouring it over my head. My first thought was I had pissed off one of the girls by telling her she looks like the homely older sister of the goddess Athena. Thankfully this goddess-like mortal didn’t lose my sarcasm in translation. The ouzo shower was her mating call. Naturally the boorish American read it wrong thinking I had offended her. Believe it or not, that happens a lot. It took a few more alcoholic hosings and a passionate kiss on the dance floor to finally get it. I was crystal clear as the Mediterranean Sea when she led me down to the beach like a Trojan horse. Now I fully comprehend what it means to go Greek. Interesting. What’s also interesting is the island nation’s produce. Super healthy, tasty Greek Salads will fuel many ouzo shower-filled evenings. Do Zeus proud and go Greek! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | greek, LEAFY & LOVELY, Mediterranean, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: Athena, Athens, balsamic vinegar, bang, cucumber, delicious, Dionysius, dish, easy, fast, feta cheese, game changer, garlic, get laid, going Greek, gourmet, Greece, Greek dressing, Greek salad, Greek salad recipe, green pepper, guarantee, healthy, healthy salad, heart healthy, intercourse, kalamata olives, kitchen, lunch, meal, Mediterranean, naked, oregano, recipe, red onion, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, yummy, Zeus | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 27, 2014
Slap some sugar, lemon, balsamic, then put them balls on it!
DESSERT is the time when a Cook usually turns into Bang. Many final courses like cheesecake that take over a day to make, like a slow, patient seduction. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to holler at the moon so long as you do in fact holler. But we live in a culture that wants everything yesterday. In fairness to the instant gratification crowd, here’s an instant dessert that is healthy, tasty, and quick on the go. Do not fear the balsamic vinegar for it is your friend. The fusion of the powdered sugar, fructose from the berries and the vinegar is like some mystical alchemy that preps your tongue ready for more adventuresome travels. Be sure to hand-feed these to your date, thus fostering the intimacy you will no doubt exploit for your own perverted gains. I have made this outstanding standout for more dates than I can remember and not once have I been refused. Won’t you join our merry band of culinary pranksters? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, Mediterranean, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Balsamic strawberry recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, berries, citrus, delicious, dessert, easy, fast, fructose, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand feed, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, strawberries, strawberry dessert recipe, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 23, 2014
They serve this fried delight at the Heartbreak Hotel
Elvis has left the building…in a body bag. Too many fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches I suppose. I can’t explain it, but hipsters love them some Elvis. Must be the irony associated with his gold lamé suit, mutual love of pills and consumption of odd foods sure to leave you bloated and possibly dead on the shitter. Cook To Bang does not endorse this behavior nor the hipster lifestyle. But this sandwich is a delicious lark to share with your hipster lover after an ironic banging session. Just be sure to crank some Elvis tunes, you hunk a hunk of burning love. (That burning is Chlamydia, by the way.) Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SINWICHES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: banana, bang, delicious, dessert, easy, elvis, elvis presley, elvis sandwich, fancy, fast, fattening, fried, fried peanut butter and banana sandwich, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lunch, naked, peanut butter, presley, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, Sexier than elvis sinwich, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 4, 2014
Stuff those creamy green treats with some mad flavor!
Straight out of a fancy country club near you is this stuffed avocado recipe with a twist. The catch is we are adding some much needed flavor, spice and additional aphrodisiacs of course. The avocado already works wonders for your libido, but combine it with some spicy chili and shrimp you have the Guns of the Navarone firing in your mouth. This dish is sweet, tangy, spicy and creamy in one fell swoop. It’s like having a lover with split personality: from the crazy bisexual stripper to the meek librarian cum closet sexpot. This salad is all good and rather enjoyable. It should work like a champ in getting you the desired randy results. No doubt, somewhere a prude country club member is exclaiming, “I never!” Read the rest of this entry »
9 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: avocado, bang, celery, chili, country club, delicious, easy, fancy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, lunch, luncheon, naked, onion, radish, recipe, red pepper, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp stuffed avocado, stuffed, Stuffed avocado | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 15, 2014
Prescription-strength delicious
It’s party time! The night is full of possibilities. You have your date lined up. You are pretty sure things are good to go. So don’t leave the cocktails to chance. Class wherever you’re going up with some watermelon ice cubes. You can turn a boring vodka soda into a superbly subtle recipe for delectable debauchery. Watermelon is a bonafide aphrodisiac that has the same compounds that Viagra offers to get guys’ pistons firing at full speed. The juicy melon is mostly water, with a refreshing flavor that does your body right. Allow the cube to melt and the watermelon particles break away, turbo-charging your drink for the night ahead. If an erection lasts for more than four hours…go with it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, bang, booze, chilly, cocktail, cold, cube, delicious, drunk, easy, fancy, frozen, fruity, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, ice, intercourse, kitchen, mixer, naked, natural, new years eve, party, recipe, refreshing, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sweet, Viagra, watermelon, Watermelon ice cubes, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 28, 2014
Toss it, toss it, TOSS THAT SALAD!
“Sometimes you gotta get your apple cleaned!” says my friend working overseas in Hong Kong. I don’t know what that means, but sure. I suppose you could say the same for getting your salad tossed. I’m still unclear on what exactly that means, but I know it’s filthy so get down with the get down. But rather than get lost in semantics, why don’t I tell you a little about this recipe? This dish is sure to get what ever you want tossed. Just don’t toss your cookies, unless you’re into that kinky German shit. Pour me another hefeweizen if that’s your bag. The era of the wrap may be waning, but quick healthy nibbles never go out of style. Portable salad can bring the nasty noise wherever you want to go. A horny hike? Yes! Sex on the beach? Big time! On the International Space Station? Cum in, Houston! The Toss Your Salad Wrap can also be served on a platter to a party where you can pick up a few phone numbers. This SINWICH is just that versatile. You should be too. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | Mediterranean, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: avocado, baked chicken, bang, burrito, Caesar dressing, chicken breast, delicious, dijon mustard, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled chicken, guarantee, healthy, healthy salad, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lettuce, lunch, naked, portable, recipe, romance, Salad wrap recipe, sandwich, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, tortilla, toss your salad, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 