October 20, 2014
Let’s play a little game called Just the Stuffed Mushroom Tip.
That’s how it all starts. An innocent maiden voyage evolves into an exploration deep into the unknown. Justify it any way you want to. We can pretend it’s a game. Start with the tip and see how it feels. If it’s no bueno, fair enough. But then again, we’ve already gone this far. What’s a few more steps into the abyss? I mean the collateral damage has already been sustained. So why not enjoy it for what it’s worth? We can write it off as youthful indiscretion. An official OOPSIE! Let’s blame the extra bottle of wine. We both should have known better. But we’re all adults and mature enough to move on. I’m glad we had this discussion. I feel better. Don’t you? Oh by the way, have you tried these killer stuffed mushrooms? Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bacon, baked, bang, breadcrumbs, brie cheese, collateral damage, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, finger food, food, fungus, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, honey, hors d'oeuvres, intercourse, just the tip in, kitchen, maiden voyage, mushroom, naked, oopsie, passed appetizer, quick, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, simple, spinach, Spinach bacon stuffed mushroom caps recipe, stuffed mushrooms, tasty, youthful indiscretion, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
October 17, 2014
Unlike TLC, I am too proud to beg.
You should know better than to beg. There is clear a disconnect with your mastery of the CTB philosophy. When you serve that special someone amazing food than you won’t have to beg. It is your date who will beg you for more whether that is a second helping of bagel pizzas or another screaming orgasm. Groveling doesn’t suit you. That’s for the people who can’t close the deal in good faith. Be grateful there are chumps out there on their knees looking pathetic and sexually frustrated. They suffer so you don’t have to. Just do the voodoo that you do in the kitchen and the bedroom. This recipe is so fast and impressive that you can’t help but reap the rewards. Reap away, reaper. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bagel, bagel melt, Bagel pizza recipe, bagel sandwich, bang, basil, butter, cheap. Easy, chump, delicious, dinner, DIY, don’t make me bagel pizza recipe, don’t make me beg, easy, fast, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, groveling, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, italian, kitchen, mozzarella cheese, mushroom, naked, recipe, screaming orgasms, seduce, sex, sexually frustrated, snack, spinach, tasty, toasted, toaster, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 8, 2014
Trap her with some red snapper
A red snapper walked into the social club wearing a three-piece suit, a pocket watch sticking out of his waistcoat. All the ladies heads turned, enthralled by this sexy piece of manfish. Who was he to deny the unwavering lust of the cougars that scratched and pulled each others’ hair to get a taste? When the dust settled, every lady was smoking a post-coital cigarette. The red snapper was nowhere to be seen, but would not soon be forgotten. ìWhat’s the lesson?î you ask. Make an impression, own the room, and you too will be devoured with the right amount of umph. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, calivirgin, cougar, crushed red chili flakes, dapper, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lemon red snapper recipe, libido, manfish, naked, olive oil, pan-fry, pocket watch, post-coital, recipe, red snapper, salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, so dapper red snapper, tasty, three-piece suit, umph, waistcoat, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 6, 2014
The tower of taters will tell you no lie, except “Of course I’m single.”
My first professional cooking gig was at a Moroccan restaurant. I ate there while in college and I asked the waiter if they were hiring. The owner met me at the end of the dinner and asked if I could start tomorrow. Suddenly employed, I was thrown into the fire sink or swim. Lucky for all parties involved (my readers included), I swam mightily against the current heavily spiced by turmeric. Beyond the lessons I learned prepping the same dish 200 times in an evening, there were the waitresses. These girls acrobatically poured sweet Moroccan tea into cups balanced on their heels. You can imagine the possibilities afforded by such flexibilities. The floor was there domain; but the kitchen was my domain. I was the gatekeeper to tantalizing scents emanating from the kitchen. Despite all the heavily spiced Cornish game hens or complicated dishes like bastella, the simple Moroccan-style potato salad I made sealed the deal. There was way mo rockin’ with customers gone and the “privacy please” sign on the supply room door. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, healthy, Middle Eastern, Moroccan, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, banging, bastella, Cornish game hens, delicious, DIY, easy, food, food service industry, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mo’ rockin’ Moroccan potato salad, Moroccan potato salad recipe, morocco, naked, onion, parsley, potato salad, recipe, red potato, restaurant, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, toss my salad, turmeric, vegetable oil, waitress, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 3, 2014
Butterball butternut bust-a-nut
Cook To Bang is nothing without its readership. If a recipe helps someone bang in the woods and no one is there to film it, does it make a moaning sound? I’ll leave that to the philosophers far wiser than me to answer. A massive shout out is due to my man DJ JD of Ottawa, Canada for this recipe. Homeboy came through with a unique and outstanding recipe when I needed it most. I make a point of not dating vegans since they severely limit my palette. But this particular vegan’s beauty is outclassed only by her cheeky personality. Naturally, a classy specimen of humanity deserves a little leeway. So after racking my sex-addled brain for a vegan recipe, I found JD’s email and took it for a test drive. Hot damn! This butternut squash soup made both our heads spin with glee. The vegan vixen was more than pleased. If Cooking To Bang was an Olympic event, JD just won the gold. CUE “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, black pepper, butter-my-nuts squash soup, butternut squash, butternut squash soup recipe, calivirgin, Canada, classy, coconut milk, curry powder, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gold medal, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homeboy, homemade, HOT LIQUID LOVE, humanity, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, oh Canada, olive oil, Olympics, onion, Ottawa, palette, personality, philosophers, readership, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex-addled, soup, specimen, tasty, Vancouver, vegan, vegetable stock, vegetarian, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 25, 2014
It will melt in your mouth, your date will melt in your hands.
You know you’re in for a wild ride as soon as this melty concoction hits the tip of your tongue. The first bite should make it clear that you ain’t eating your grandmother’s sandwich. No siree! We’re talking about the next step in culinary evolution. Combining fruit, meat and cheese on bread was the inevitable next step in tasty temptations. Sure you could just make a tuna melt that would put your date to sleep long before you can lay the mack down. But why not just stick your genitals in the freezer? You won’t be needing those anyway. Our world of convenience and innovation demands that you take a few extra steps to get what you REALLY want. This sandwich will only take you a few extra minutes, which will be paid for in dividends when you are reclined, sweaty and gasping for air. This kiwi melt should melt resistance and clothes right off. What are you waiting for? Make New Zealand proud! Read the rest of this entry »
7 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: bacon, bang, banging, brie, cheese, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, English muffin, evolution, fast, fig jam, food, freezer, fruit, game changer, genitals, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, kiwi, kiwi melt in your mouth recipe, kiwi melt recipe, libido, mack, melty, naked, new zealand, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sinwich, tasty, tasty temptation, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 19, 2014
You won’t need Fedex with this Russian Mail Order Bride
Olga came in a box, bubble-wrapped like a porcelain doll, holes punched into it so she could breathe. The shady website I bought her off of had to be translated by my sketchy coworker Sergei. I was $60 lighter, but now I had someone living in my house who did everything I pleased. And we’re not just talking washing dishes after one of my cooking frenzies! What made it all worth it, besides the commie sex of course, was that she had a white Russian prepared for me as soon as I came home from work. To this day, I have never found anyone who could make the drink half as well as my little Olga. What happened to her you ask? Turns out it was all a scam so she could steal my identity and my collection of baseball cards. I don’t even think Olga was her real name. Those rascally Russians! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | libation lubrication, RECIPES, russian | Tagged: alcohol, bang, banging, baseball cards, beverage, booze, commie, delicious, direct, DIY, drinks, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, identity theft, intercourse, Kahlua, kitchen, libation lubrication, libido, mail order bride, milk, naked, Olga, online, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, Sergie, sex, soviet, tasty, vodka, White Russian recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 17, 2014
Even prissy vegans can indulge in this walk on the wild side.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. At least that is what nutritionists keep telling me. Perhaps these know-it-alls with their charts and lab coats and rosy cheeks are right. Filling your gullet with kickass nutrients prepares you for any crazy $%&@ thrown your way. Eat a solid breakfast and you will be able to catch a blimp on fire hurtling down to the earth with your pinkie finger. Sounds about right. So here’s an uber-healthy recipe with protein to the extreme with plenty of fiber and lycopene without that Fatty McGee you get with scrambling eggs. You will be prepared to stop a flamingo stampede heading straight for a bus full of kindergartners, or at the very least, Cook and Bang your date from last night like a superhero. Now you just have to work on your secret identity, you Sex Crazy Mofo! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, healthy, Japanese, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, blimp, breakfast, delicious, DIY, easy, firm tofu, flamingo, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, low fat, lycopene, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, nutritionist, nutritious, onion, protein, recipe, seduce, sex, sex crazy mofo, superhero, tasty, Tofu scramble recipe, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 15, 2014
Get hungry, then get stuffed!
Sometimes you just need to do some stuffing. You have those sexy bits laying around waiting for some action satisfaction. Who are you not to play those kinky reindeer games? Get with the program and get stuffed. The fun part is taking the random goodies and seeing what will fit. It’s a lot like object porn where they stuff foreign objects into small openings. Shocking? Yes. Intriguing? Sure. Delicious? Most definitely! The stuffing I created for this dish was from goodies lying around my fridge eager for their day in sun…found in my oven. This is your chance to blow a few minds and other parts of the body with your stunning creativity. So polenta some panties off and start stuffing! Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | RECIPES | Tagged: apple, apple polenta stuffed pepper recipe, baked, bang, banging, bell peppers, black pepper, broiled, cornmeal, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mozzarella cheese, naked, nuts, object porn, olive oil, paprika, polenta, polenta stuffed bell pepper recipe, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, side dish, Stuffed bell pepper recipe, stuffed veggies, tasty, vegetarian, walnuts, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 10, 2014
Get ready for some non-spaghetti in beddy!
This one goes out to all the sexy singles marching blindly to Atkins’ carb-free tune. Myself included. All this cooking and banging has put a hold on my underwear-modeling career. But only temporarily! I’m coming back hotter and more in your face awesome than ever. Healthy food is always the sexiest. We’ll skip the carbohydrated pasta in favor of nature’s non-processed solution. Spaghetti squash is an adventure of ingenuity and texture. It takes to a pasta sauce like a hooker to a free bag of crack. This simple sauté recipe should set you right. But pesto would convince just as many of your dates to drop trow. Now get roasting, my health-minded friends. I’m hitting the gym to work on my glutes. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, italian, IT’S ON!-TREES, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, atkins, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, calivirgin, carbohydrates, crack, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, low-carb, naked, non-processed, olive oil, parmesan cheese, recipe, red cabbage, roast, salt, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spaghetti squash, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 