April 5, 2013
The roastest with the mostest!
It’s a damn shame how many people fear the artichoke. On the surface, it’s an intimidating vegetable. The spiky leaves that could kill a man certainly don’t help. Neither does the complicated center that is pretty, but inedible. But alas, once you get past all that superfluous nonsense, you got yourself an aphrodisiac that tastes like you broke off an angel’s wing and dipped it in wasabi. The texture alone should sell you on this magnificent gift from the food gods. Plus we’re talking finger food here. That means you can hand feed your date, fostering an intimacy you can later exploit. While you wait for the artichoke to roast, you can whip something equally awesome up or just waltz your date around the kitchen like a ballerina. Now be brave, be bold and buy yourself some artichokes! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
January 27, 2012
Somewhere over the rainbow, something's turning me on. Must be my Wizard of Oz fantasy.
Nothing gives me a chubby like an aesthetically pleasing plate of food. Not only does it satisfy the hunger pangs, but the emotionally pangs as well. Mark my words, nothing inspires sexy time dessert quite like a beautifully presented meal. How it tastes is almost secondary to how it looks on the plate. Shallow? Perhaps. But don’t question the rules of culinary seduction unless you want that chard on to go to waste. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, healthy, hippie, italian, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aesthetically pleasing, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, calivirgin, carboluscious, carbs, cook, crushed red chili flakes, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hard on, healthy pasta dish, hippie, homemade, intercourse, italian, kitchen, leafy, lemon, libido, linguine, naked, olive oil, pasta, rainbow chard on linguine, rainbow chard pasta recipe, rainbw chard, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shallow, tangy, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 23, 2011
Forget the little blue pill. Try the big green melon!
Are you feeling weak-willed, pathetic and flaccid? You no longer have an excuse with this outstanding summer soup recipe. Studies have proven that the citrulline in WATERMELON triggers arginine, the chemical in Viagra that gets male pistons pumping. This soup will turbo charge your libido so you can take plenty of prisoners in the bedroom who won’t want to be released. Stockholm Syndrome will be in effect with the amount of good loving you will be dishing out in a soup bowl. Did I mention how refreshing chilled watermelon soup tastes, especially when you go for seconds after a particularly exhausting banging session? Now get yourself to the market and then blow your dates mind, body and soul. Boom-chicka-wah-wah! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, libation lubrication, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, arginine, bang, beta-carotene, butter, cancer-fighting, chilled, cialis, citrulline, club soda, delicious, DIY, easy, erectile dysfunction, flaccid, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hot, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, limejuice, lycopene, melon, mint, naked, recipe, refreshing, sauté, seduce, seedless, sex, Stockholm syndrome, sugar, summer soup, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, Viagra, vodka, Watermelon soup recipe, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 21, 2011
Wango tango bango mango
Some dances are forbidden for good reason. Most people don’t want Pandora’s box open. All the yeah yeahs get out and inspire naughty behavior. For the average church-going type, this mindset is justifiable. But the act of reading this website puts you in the OTHER category with the greatest minds of any time. We question the status quo. So why wouldn’t you dance a dance considered morally bankrupt if it makes you feel good? That is merely their misguided opinion based on an unbendable worldview. But not you, dear reader. Have at it! This salad shall inspire you to dance with your partner in ways that will make them gasp, while onlookers blush. To hell with the haters who just can’t hang with your self-expression! You’re too busy throwing down with every last bit of lusty passion anyhow. Now sashay already!
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: White wine or a BANGARITA
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 2 massive handfuls field greens
2. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
3. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN balsamic vinegar
4. 2 tbsp HONEY
5. 1 mango
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Slice the mango on either side of the pit. Cut checkerboard slices into the mango meat, pour in half the honey and balsamic vinegar, and rub it in. Throw the mango halves into a oven safe plate or pan and roast until the meat softens and absorbs the flavor (approx 25 min). Scoop out the mango slices, rubbing them into the sauce.
Step 2
Combine the olive oil, and remaining honey and balsamic vinegar, stirring it into a dressing.
Step 3
Toss the field greens, mango, and dressing. Serve up with a delectable SINWICH and you are golden.
Leave a Comment » | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, blush, calivirgin, chuch-going, dance, delicious, DIY, dressing, easy, field greens, food, forbidden, forbidden tango roast mango salad, fruit, game changer, gasp, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, haters, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mango, morally bankrupt, naked, olive oil, Pandora’s box, recipe, roast, roast mango salad recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, status quo, tango, tasty, toss your salad, unbendable, vegan, vegetarian, worldview, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 15, 2011
Ginger ale never tasted so damn innapproprate!
I’m the first to admit that I’ve had relations with a fire crotch. Actually more than one. More than…uh, never mind! I may have a problem. All I see is red. I probably should see a shrink about this. The red menace of the Cold War ain’t got nothing on my compulsion for banging red heads. Maybe it’s something primal like I was a bull killed by a matador in a past life. Ole my ass! At least now I get that red instead of being teased and tormented before being slaughtered for the crowd’s delight. This refreshing and APHRODISIAC bombshell hits the spot and lures those gingers right in. Be warned that it’s a bitch cleaning up all the red hairs gingers leave behind. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
June 2, 2011
photo: Noah Abrams
Wine is without a doubt the sexiest of all drinks. It ages better than most humans and is good for your heart. The variety of flavors, aromas and textures titillate your senses in oh so many special ways. With wine comes wisdom. It never hurts to talk a good wine game. You can’t deny that the aroma can be tantalizing and the taste seductive. Don’t be surprised if you get the yearning to fuck the glass. Read the rest of this entry »
5 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, italian | Tagged: alcohol, beverage, blanc, cabernet, champagne, chardonnay, drinks, food, french, german, italien, merlot, noir, pairing, pinot, riesling, sauvignon, SEDUCTION, veritas, vino, wine | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 31, 2011
Eat enough of this salad and you'll be like Popeye, banging Olive Oil until Wimpy hits you up for more burger money.
The object to any CTB meal is to wow your date into submitting to your carnal cravings. Their heads’ gotta spin like a GI Joe helicoptering after you twist him around until the rubber band almost snaps. Serve something forgettable, and you can forget any extracurricular activities. I don’t even waste my time with anything that might as well have been nuked from a Hungry Man Dinner. You shouldn’t either unless you prefer servicing yourself rather than have a smoking hot bombshell do it for you. Take this spinach salad. Sure I could have assembled a pre-made package in the time it would take to prematurely ejaculate (at least you’d get off). But a spinach salad that tastes like an angel floated down, fed you, and then gave you a reach around is more my speed. I wager those of you who enjoy similar celestial satisfaction will agree. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: angelic, angels, bacon, bang, banging, black pepper, bombshell, carnal cravings, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, feta cheese, food, game changer, get laid, gi joe, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, helicopter, homemade, hungry man dinner, intercourse, kitchen, libido, makes head spinach salad, memorable, microwave, mushrooms, naked, premature ejaculation, recipe, rogerings, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach salad recipe, tasty, toss your salad, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 25, 2011
Oodles of naughty noodles
This salad’s got everything you need for simple satisfaction. I’m talking the whole tit and caboodle. Sure it looks simple, but the flavor shall dance on your tongue and tickle your balls/girly parts. This is a new member of my salad repertoire, but goddamn does it bring out the smiles! Refreshing, light, and totally tasty. Come summertime, you will be glad you have this in your arsenal. Few dishes will refuel as cleanly after sweaty summer sex. You’re welcome! Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, chili, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kit and caboodle, kitchen, leafy, lettuce, libido, light, naked, nuoc cham recipe, orange, recipe, refreshing, repertoire, rice noodles, rice vinegar, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sugar, summer, sweaty summer sex, tasty, tickle your balls, tit and caboodle noodle salad, toss your salad, Vietnam, Vietnamese dipping sauce, Vietnamese noodle salad recipe, water, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 7, 2011
A ha! The Ahi Salad has granted me powers heretofore unattainable!
Congratulations! You have graduated to a higher plane of salad making. Now you refuse to settle for iceberg lettuce smothered in ranch dressing. There is nothing nutritious nor sexy about that blasphemous culinary combination. No, you are a sophisticated salad eater that wants great taste with enough nutrients to allow you to survive a nuclear famine in style. Hopefully the date you have chosen to share this with is on the same page because this salad requires 110% commitment. I have faith that as a reader of COOK TO BANG you are in fact ready to blow them away and get blown in the process. So get down to business and take this radical new approach to salad making. When you become a superhero that can hear a mosquito fart in another state you won’t have to question how this came to be. Just go with it. I’m so <wipes away tear> proud of you! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
February 2, 2011
Roquefort and Roll out of bed after a night of unspeakable acts.
This salad will rock her world. It will also rock his world. And its world should your dog eat it before you can. It’s like a techno dance party in your mouth. Each complimentary flavor will have the chance to bust a move on your tongue’s dance floor. The tart of the lemon will give a shout out to the creamy Roquefort who kicks it over to the endive ditty on out to the crispety crunchety apple who tips its hat to the tangy cranberry bossa nova. No one is immune to the uncontrollable taste bud tango. This is a great way to warm the evening up with a little bit of this and whole lot of that. Warning: those allergic to edible orgasms should steer clear if you know what’s good for you. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apple, avocado, bang, bleu cheese, bust a move, cherry tomatoes, delicious, DIY, dried cranberries, easy, edible orgasm, endives, France, french, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, naked, olive oil, recipe, Roquefort cheese, Roquefort cheese endive salad, seduce, sex, spinach, taste bud tango, tasty, techno dance party, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 