August 27, 2014
Slap some sugar, lemon, balsamic, then put them balls on it!
DESSERT is the time when a Cook usually turns into Bang. Many final courses like cheesecake that take over a day to make, like a slow, patient seduction. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to holler at the moon so long as you do in fact holler. But we live in a culture that wants everything yesterday. In fairness to the instant gratification crowd, here’s an instant dessert that is healthy, tasty, and quick on the go. Do not fear the balsamic vinegar for it is your friend. The fusion of the powdered sugar, fructose from the berries and the vinegar is like some mystical alchemy that preps your tongue ready for more adventuresome travels. Be sure to hand-feed these to your date, thus fostering the intimacy you will no doubt exploit for your own perverted gains. I have made this outstanding standout for more dates than I can remember and not once have I been refused. Won’t you join our merry band of culinary pranksters? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, Mediterranean, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Balsamic strawberry recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, berries, citrus, delicious, dessert, easy, fast, fructose, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand feed, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, strawberries, strawberry dessert recipe, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
April 28, 2014
Toss it, toss it, TOSS THAT SALAD!
“Sometimes you gotta get your apple cleaned!” says my friend working overseas in Hong Kong. I don’t know what that means, but sure. I suppose you could say the same for getting your salad tossed. I’m still unclear on what exactly that means, but I know it’s filthy so get down with the get down. But rather than get lost in semantics, why don’t I tell you a little about this recipe? This dish is sure to get what ever you want tossed. Just don’t toss your cookies, unless you’re into that kinky German shit. Pour me another hefeweizen if that’s your bag. The era of the wrap may be waning, but quick healthy nibbles never go out of style. Portable salad can bring the nasty noise wherever you want to go. A horny hike? Yes! Sex on the beach? Big time! On the International Space Station? Cum in, Houston! The Toss Your Salad Wrap can also be served on a platter to a party where you can pick up a few phone numbers. This SINWICH is just that versatile. You should be too. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | Mediterranean, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: avocado, baked chicken, bang, burrito, Caesar dressing, chicken breast, delicious, dijon mustard, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled chicken, guarantee, healthy, healthy salad, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lettuce, lunch, naked, portable, recipe, romance, Salad wrap recipe, sandwich, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, tortilla, toss your salad, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 7, 2014
Polenta them down, all the way to the ground.
Sometimes you have to take decisive action to get your freak on. That means going all in like in a high stakes game of poker and laying it all on the line. Well, perhaps that analogy is wrong. In fact, this recipe makes the art of culinary seduction seem easy. Polenta screams out classy and sophisticated. Just accept the compliment and go with it. Let the aphrodisiac double threat (black beans & avocado) and rich collection of textures speak for you. Don’t fret. The pants will come off like some freaky scientific mystery. I’ll give you a hint about the science: good food = great sex. And critics say this site is not educational! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cuban, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, black beans, black pepper, cornmeal, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homemade, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, limejuice, mango salsa, Mediterranean, naked, olive oil, pants off, polenta, pre-made, recipe, seduce, sex, sophisticated, starter, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 29, 2013
If some asks if you have balls, assure them you got plenty flavored with ponzu sauce
Looking for a side dish that will steal the show and make your guests go “Ooh ooh!”? Look no further than this Japanese/Israeli fusion. Truth be told, I ate it a fancy restaurant that served seared ahi strips over it. The tuna was aight, but the couscous smacked me in the face and left me smiling 7+ years after the fact. Sadly, this restaurant shut down shortly thereafter. So I was left with little choice but attempt to recreate it in my own kitchen. I’m certainly glad that I did because this little side has been wowing girls ever since. Repeat CTB dates will often demand I whip up a batch, even if I’m serving PASTA. Apparently it left more of an impression that my naked body did after the meal. Fair enough. So long as one of my dishes pulls in repeat visitors willing to gratify my ego and libido alike, I will always have enough ingredients on hand should they be called for. And with that, I must whip up another batch because the ponzu couscous-hungry zombies have surrounded my house once more. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | asian, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, fusion, healthy, Japanese, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, banging, carboluscious, couscous, delicious, DIY, easy, ego, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, giant pearl couscous, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Israeli, Japanese, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, ooh ooh, Ponzu couscous recipe, ponzu sauce, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, side dish, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy, zombies | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 17, 2012
Via Bangria via mi cama
This recipe comes from Mandy in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We had to include a boozy recipe with summer finally here. Mandy writes:
Sangria in summer is necessary for me as the free clinic is to a hooker. I can’t live without some cold fruity wine as the sun beats down. The best way to enjoy it is with as little clothing as possible. No clothing is best. There’s no better way to cool you down after stick summer sex. Plus you can pick out the fruit and eat them off your play pal. The best part of this recipe is that it’s a portable party for backyard BBQs, pool parties, or orgies. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | greek, libation lubrication, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spanish, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, apple, bang, banging, bangria, bbq, blackberry, booze, delicious, DIY, easy, Florida, food, free clinic, fruit juice, fruity, Ft. Lauderdale, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mandy, mix, naked, on the go, orange, pool parties, portable, recipe, refreshing, refrigerate, sangria, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soak, spanish, summer, summertime, tasty, via, white sangria, white wine, white wine sangria recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 26, 2011
Enjoy this pasta responsibly by wearing at least SPF 15 when you bang outdoors.
All that time in the sun will do one of two things: in youth, it makes you look hotter and more desirable; but as the years wear on, all that sunlight can reduce your body to a leather handbag. I have witnessed many sun-worshipping hotties wither away in a matter of years. What a waste of a perfectly hard body. Anyway…this digression was brought to you by Coppertone suntan lotion. The point to all this warbling is that drying yourself out in the sun is not sexy, but doing the same to a tomato makes my engines revs. See I’m totally gay for tomatoes as is. But when you concentrate the lycopene-laced flavor and it becomes like Spanish Fly. Sex appeal oozes at your pores the moment you throw the sun-dried love into the mix. This simple pasta dish went from a subdued “Yay…” to a scream-from-the-highest-rooftop “How you like me now?!” Enjoy this pasta responsibly by wearing at least SPF 15 when you bang outdoors. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, banging, boil, carbohydrate, carboluscious, coppertone, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hotties, intercourse, kitchen, leather handbag, libido, lycopene, mushroom, naked, olive oil, onion, parsley, pasta, recipe, salt, sausage, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex appeal, Spanish fly, spf, sun dried tomato, sun-dried sex appeal pasta, sun-dried tomato pasta recipe, sun-worshipping, suntan lotion, tasty, toss, warbling, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 21, 2011
Wango tango bango mango
Some dances are forbidden for good reason. Most people don’t want Pandora’s box open. All the yeah yeahs get out and inspire naughty behavior. For the average church-going type, this mindset is justifiable. But the act of reading this website puts you in the OTHER category with the greatest minds of any time. We question the status quo. So why wouldn’t you dance a dance considered morally bankrupt if it makes you feel good? That is merely their misguided opinion based on an unbendable worldview. But not you, dear reader. Have at it! This salad shall inspire you to dance with your partner in ways that will make them gasp, while onlookers blush. To hell with the haters who just can’t hang with your self-expression! You’re too busy throwing down with every last bit of lusty passion anyhow. Now sashay already!
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: White wine or a BANGARITA
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 2 massive handfuls field greens
2. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
3. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN balsamic vinegar
4. 2 tbsp HONEY
5. 1 mango
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Slice the mango on either side of the pit. Cut checkerboard slices into the mango meat, pour in half the honey and balsamic vinegar, and rub it in. Throw the mango halves into a oven safe plate or pan and roast until the meat softens and absorbs the flavor (approx 25 min). Scoop out the mango slices, rubbing them into the sauce.
Step 2
Combine the olive oil, and remaining honey and balsamic vinegar, stirring it into a dressing.
Step 3
Toss the field greens, mango, and dressing. Serve up with a delectable SINWICH and you are golden.
Leave a Comment » | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, blush, calivirgin, chuch-going, dance, delicious, DIY, dressing, easy, field greens, food, forbidden, forbidden tango roast mango salad, fruit, game changer, gasp, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, haters, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mango, morally bankrupt, naked, olive oil, Pandora’s box, recipe, roast, roast mango salad recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, status quo, tango, tasty, toss your salad, unbendable, vegan, vegetarian, worldview, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 10, 2010
We yes can, yes we will, yes we did bang.
In these dark times, when oil gushes and babies cry, we need something to rely on. Something that can cheers us up. For me, that comes in the form of food and sex. Cook To Bang can’t save the world, but it might be able to save your mood. Put your partisan politics aside and do as Obama said during his campaign, “Yes we can.” Yes we can make a delicious meal. Yes we can serve it to someone we want to sleep with. Yes we can bang all night and into the morning. Yes we can make post-coital breakfast. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, summer | Tagged: aphrodisiac, babies cry, bang, banging, basil, calivirgin, cantaloupe, cantaloupe appetizers, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, obama, oil gushes, olive oil, partisan politics, president of the united states, proscuitto, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, yes we can, yes we cantaloupe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 3, 2009
Each noodle is a thread of attraction sliding down their throat into their hearts.
Pasta was my love long before I appreciated the finer foods. From the get-go, I slarped down cans of Chef Boyardee pasta letters, crazy for carbs. You can imagine my frustration over the Atkins zombies ruining food for the rest of us. They don’t understand the rudimentary equation for health: balance of diet and exercise. Therefore their unhealthy dismissal of carbohydrates, the item most essential to early civilization development, makes the pasta pimp in me prep my hand for a bitch-slap. Pasta gets me off. It’s that simple. I need hearty fuel to keep me charging ahead when it’s cold and miserable outside. How else am I going to keep myself charging through the day and make it through to another exhausting evening of cooking to bang? There are too many hearts to break to get weak and mopey due to lack of premium gas pasta power. Your date will be equally stoked for the hearty comfort…unless they are an Atkins freak. Those folks are more likely to smothers their bun-free burger in cow’s blood and howl at the full moon. FYI- Werewolves are hot in the sack, but my doctor says the claw marks dug into my back will probably scar. Let this be a warning to Cook To Bang’s Team Jacob readers.
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red wine, sucka! Lots of it.
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 28-OZ can of crushed tomatoes
3. 1 kale bunch
4. 1 radish bunch with stalks/leaves
5. 1 tsp parsley flakes
6. 2 dashes salt
7. 2 sausages chopped into bite-sized pieces
8. Parmesan to taste
9. 2 garlic cloves sliced thinly
10. ½ lb whole wheat spaghetti
Step 1
While the spaghetti boils, complete steps 2 & 3. Once al dente, drain and mix in the complete sauce and crown with Parmesan, as you like.
Step 2
Wash the radishes, chopping the stocks and leaves into smaller pieces. Cut off the ends of the radish and slice into bite-sized rounds. Wash the kale too and cut into smaller pieces.
Step 3
Sauté the garlic and radishes in a stockpot until they soften (approx 5 min). Add the radish leaves and kale and cook until they wilt like spinach (approx 3 min). Push the sautéed veggies to one side and sauté the sausages until they brown (approx 3 min). Pour in the tomato can, using a blunt object to pulverize them even further. Spice the sauce with salt and parsley flakes, slow simmer until the pasta is ready, and then go back to Step 1.
This heartiest of hearty pastas goes great with GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD. More carbs, yay!
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, healthy, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES | Tagged: al dente, atkins, balance, bang, banging, bitch-slap, break your hearty pasta, calivirgin, carbohydrates, carbs, chef Boyardee, claw marks, crushed tomatoes, delicious, diet, DIY, early civilization, easy, exercise, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, hearty pasta recipe, homemade, intercourse, italian, kale, kitchen, libido, Mediterranean, naked, olive oil, parmesan, parsley, pasta pimp, premium gas, radishes, recipe, salt, sausage, sauté, scar, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, team Edward, team Jacob, twilight, werewolves, whole wheat spaghetti, yummy, zombies | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 27, 2009
Pesto will get the best-o the closet hos.
I was baffled when I received numerous queries from readers who’ve never used or even tasted pesto. First I shed a tear for them, heartbroken they’ve gone through life without the green APHRODISIAC potion. But after my bleeding heart was drained of all liquid and empathy, I resolved to lead those lost souls to the promise land. There is no substitute for homemade pesto…maybe homemade pesto brought into the bedroom for Culinarylingus. This will take your culinary seduction game to a new level. I hope you’re ready to leap onto the highway to the endangered zone. “Why endangered?” you ask. Because ecstatic feelings brought on by a combo of the bliss on your tongue inspiring your date’s tongue to give you even more bliss. Call the World Wildlife Federation because we have solved this crisis. Now go forth and multiply multiple orgasms!
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Depends on what amazing feasts you rock with it
Ingredients:
1. 3 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 large BASIL bunch
3. 4 garlic cloves sliced thinly
4. 1 large handful raw PINE NUTS
5. 1 large handful parmesan cheese
Step 1
First pluck all the basil leaves, discarding any that have wilted. Wash them off and chop them coarsely.
Step 2
Using a blender, hand-blender or food processor (pictured), combine the garlic, pine nuts, parmesan and olive oil and puree them. Make sure it all blended together and add the basil, pureeing once more so you have some radioactive green pesto to go to town with.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, bleeding heart, calivirgin, condom-ment, crisis, culinarylingus, delicious, DIY, easy, empathy, endangered zone, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, homemade pesto recipe, intercourse, kitchen, libido, multiple orgasms, naked, olive oil, parmesan cheese, pine nuts, puree, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, undress yo pesto recipe, world wildlife federation, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 