October 4, 2015
Poof go the panties!
Some desserts inspire you to moan with pleasure. Others make you close your eyes and take in all the flavors. But there are some desserts so damn tasty that your underwear disappears. Meet these Frenchy French poached pears sure to set back the Celebrities Keep Your Panties On Organization a decade. As soon as the herpes harpies like Lindsay, Britney, and Paris take a bite, the upskirt paparazzi patrol will be out in force. My apologies for exposing the world to such villainy. But alas, you can use this dessert as a powerful Hail Mary in your arsenal when your date is resisting your bang campaign. Warning: Side effects will include your underwear vanishing too.
Total time: Approximately 25 minutes (or longer if you refrigerate overnight)
Projected cost: $7
Drinking buddy: Champagne
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 cup cheap red wine
2. 1/2 cup white sugar
3. 2 pears
4. 1 lemon
5. 4 cloves
Step 1
Peel, halve, and core the pears.
Step 2
On med-low heat, pour in the wine and sugar. Zest the lemon and squeeze in the juice. Toss in the cloves. Bring to a boil, and then lower heat to a simmer.
Step 3
Put the pear halves, flat end down, and poach for 10 minutes. Flip the pear halves over and poach the rounded halves for another 10 minutes. Remove the pears and reduce the wine sauce by half. Pour the sauce over the pears. You can either serve immediately with ice cream or refrigerate overnight and enjoy cold.
5 Comments | 
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Posted by cooktobang
October 2, 2015
This lemonade is SOOO HARD right now!
Ever have a lemonade stand with a janky misspelled cardboard sign offering: LEMMONAID 4 SAIL. Sure your mother did all the work and you only earned 35 cents, but you showed entrepreneurial spunk! What a difference a little vodka could have made. Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, libation lubrication, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholic lemonade recipe, bang, beverage, delicious, drink, drinkable, drinking, drunk, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, Hard lemonade recipe, hard on, hardcore, homemade lemonade, intercourse, kitchen, lemons, libation lubrication, mint, moist, naked, party, raging, recipe, refreshing, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple syrup recipe, social lubricant, strawberries, strawberry lemonade recipe, sugar, tasty, vegetarian, vodka, wet, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 16, 2015
KA-BOOM! This dish will shake the room.
KA-BOOM! Don’t worry your pretty little head. It’s not North Korea or Russia dropping bombs. This bomb is going off in your mouth and then in your pants. The APHRODISIAC quantities have been quadrupled to ensure you get your based needs met. It’s sort of like napalming an entire jungle to take out one sniper. Overkill? Perhaps. But the job gets done and you get off. This overzealous approach happens to offer banging flavor blasts that should keep you popping, locking and dropping trow. Finally you have a reason to get up out of bed where you have someone slumbering peaceful and naked. Wake them up with a mouthful of eggs and a crotch full of you. KA-BLOOEY! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac booty bomb scramble, aphrodisiac scramble recipe, asparagus, avocado, bang, banging, black beans, black pepper, bomb, calivirgin, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, explosion, food, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, green chili, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, iran, ka-boom, kitchen, libido, naked, napalm, north korea, olive oil, overkill, recipe, salt, sauté, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sniper, tasty, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 9, 2015
Get their curry in a flurry 'til their eyes go blurry.
Rule #1 of gaming is to never be too eager. Desperation is herpes to your prospects. Why rush the inevitable by being a needy little bitch? The best seductions simmer to the point you can’t resist taking a nibble. Serve it up too soon and you will barely enjoy the undercooked, underwhelming sensations to follow. Don’t repeat my tragic blunders by rushing the vibe when it ain’t solid. The only thing you’ll have is a shiny new pair of blue balls. Granted there are certain opportunities to pounce on post haste. These are fun, but fleeting. When it comes creating something exceptional, a little restraint never hurt nobody no how. I’m not suggesting pussing out entirely like some chump. Just know when to hold ‘em; know when to fold ‘em; and know when to bang ‘em. Now savor every last morsel of their curry, champ! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, spicy, thai, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, blue balls, blunder, cilantro, coconut milk, delicious, desperation, DIY, eager, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, naked, never hurry their curry recipe, olive oil, onion, post haste, pussing, recipe, red curry, rushing the vibe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simmer, tasty, thai, Thailand, vegan, vegetarian, vegetarian red curry recipe, yummy, zucchini | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 2, 2015
Lazy days, lazy ways, lazy lays
Sometimes you just want to gloss over the cooking and get right to the banging. Understandably so. But know this, my impatient pupil. You could very well jeopardize your whole skeezy agenda by rushing through. You need to at least appear to make the effort and show something for your trouble. So it better be damn impressive if you are going to throw something edible together in less than 10 minutes. Lucky COOK TO BANG has your back with an excessively simplistic finger food that is also reasonably good for you since you are toasting rather than frying in a pan. Behold the Lazadilla, a quesadilla so tasty, easy, and unmessy, that NASA has hired me to make crate-loads of these for the manned Mission to Mars. Hopefully these can at least convince your date to fly you to the moon. Houston, we have no problem! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, mexican, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, cilantro, delicious, easy, easy to clean, finger food, first coarse, fresh, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, jack cheese, jalapeño, kitchen, lazadilla recipe, mango, mexican, mexico, naked, quesadilla, Quesadilla recipe, recipe, salsa, sex, smoked gouda cheese, spicy, tasty, toast, toasted quesadilla recipe, toaster oven, tomato, tortilla, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 17, 2015
The broc shall defrock!
This recipe comes courtesy of James in Portland, OR. Here’s to starting off the summer right with a unique summer grill recipe! James writes:
Something about those summer thrills gives me the chills. Sure you’re sweating your balls off and stuffing your face with something hot. But this recipe is so damn cool it makes you feel all refreshed because it’s still healthy and damn tasty! My mama always told me broccoli would make me live forever. Who know if that is true? One thing I can say with certainty, I’m gonna Cook To Bang forever! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, contests, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bbq, bbq broccoli, broccoli head, chills, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, grilled thrills broccoli, grillin' like a villain, ground pepper, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon vegan, libido, naked, olive oil, Oregon, pine nuts, Portland, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, summer, tasty, tinfoil, vegetarian, yum, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 7, 2015
Sweet, spicy, totally macho.
I know what you’re thinking. How could a cold fruity summer soup be so macho? I’m glad you asked. The flavors don’t dance delicately like a ballerina upon your tongue. Fuck no! They river-dance to speed metal all over that tongue of yours with more flavors than you can shake your genitals at. Walls will bust open like the Kool-Aid Man’s back for revenge. Your date won’t wait for permission to ravish you. Mediterranean nymphs shan’t flutter, but grind into your ears with rubber mini-skirts. Does that answer your question? Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | fusion, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spicy, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, banging, black pepper, cold soup, cucumber, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, italian, kitchen, kool-aid man, latin, libido, Mediterranean, mini-skirts, muy macho papaya gazpacho, naked, nymphs, olive oil, papaya, papaya gazpacho recipe, parsley, recipe, red onion, red wine vinegar, refreshing, river-dance, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, sourdough bread, speed metal, summer, tasty, tomato juice, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 3, 2015
American produce, love it or grill it!
America, fuck yeah! Can you feel the patriotism emanating off the computer screen and making your heart beet to the Star Spangled Banner. Even if you aren’t a tea-partying real patriot, you gotta love your country right about now. And if you don’t, God shall smite thee with ten billion pounds of fireworks. In all seriousness folks, I’m not denigrating diversity. But I will be drinking heavily, grilling gleefully, and fornicating under a gun-powdered scented sky. Here’s to a healthy holiday full of American excess. Another beet from the grill? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: 4th of july, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bbq, bbq beets recipe, beets, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, fireworks, food, game changer, get laid, glenn beck, goat cheese, gourmet, grill, grilled beets recipe, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, olive oil, patriotism, recipe, red white and beets recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, star spangled banner, summer, tasty, tea partying, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 1, 2015
When your date says “Oh!” you say “Yeah!”
Oh boy! Oh man! Oh god! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (to NKTOB groove)! These are just some of the many reactions I have heard to making oatmeal CTB style. We’ve all eaten instant oatmeal, mostly during childhood, although some of us (my friends know who I speak of) still gobble that shit up. But what about the rest of whose taste buds haven’t matured beyond a 6-year-old, their fingers stained with Kool-Aid? Oatmeal can be something other than a bland exercise in self-restraint. But why not have the best of both worlds? Nutrition and flavor can still give each other lap dances with the right amount of TLC. And that’s what this recipe is all about. Here’s to the one sleeping in your bed who’s waking up to a big surprise. Expect them to be smiling like a donut. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bananas, bang, banging, boil, brown sugar, butter, cinnamon, delicious, DIY, easy, flavor, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet oatmeal, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, instant oatmeal, intercourse, kitchen, kool-aid, lap dances, libido, melt, milk, mix, naked, new kids on the block, nktob, nutrition, o-face, o-faced oatmeal recipe, oats, oh-faced, raisins, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smile like a donut, syrup, tasty, tlc, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 22, 2015
Lox me up, because otherwide, I'd break these chains and ravage anything in my sight.
With Valentines Day creeping in like a ninja assassin, you better be ready with you’re A-game if you are seeing someone you like. It’s make or break time that will define where this relationship of yours will progress towards. If you don’t like them all that much, might I suggest a vacation far far away. You don’t want to be anywhere near town with a clinger you’re about to retire. But those of you lucky enough to have that one person you would gladly Cook To Bang every night, you need to start Valentine’s Day off right. There are few better approaches than breakfast in bed. Cliche it may be, but effective at not only dropping panties, but also keeping them off for long gaps of time it is. This fancy scramble from the future us perfect for sending the message that, ìNot only do I enjoy banging you, but also listening to you talk while we eat breakfast together.î If that is not true love, I weep for the future. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Austrian, bang, banging, benefits, black pepper, bodyguard, bok choy, breakfast, chloroform, clinger, coincidental, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lox, morning, motorcade, naked, ninja assassin, olive oil, physiological, recipe, red onion, salt, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, sex to me, smoked salmon, sophistication, steam, steamed, sweet, tasty, UN, valentines day, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: Approximately 25 minutes (or longer if you refrigerate overnight)
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 