June 15, 2015
- Gettin’ your goat will make you float and rock that boat!
So you don’t think goats are sexy, huh? You don’t find their hooves and beards enchanting? Their bleating cries a top a craggily mountains isn’t a huge turn on? Then you haven’t sampled goat cheese baked to perfection with the pistachio crust atop a mountain of greens and grape boulders smothered is a sticky sweet balsamic reduction. You may find yourself licking the plate clean and stealing a little off your lover’s plate (CTB won’t tell). No one will blame you once this sexy dish seduces your mouth, body and soul. The goat bleats will become a choir of enchanting angels beckoning you to join them in their four-legged rendition of the Macarena. You will be completely powerless to resist and you will love every minute of it because your date will be by your side, equally entranced by the goat cheese’s power that is turbo-charged with the balsamic blast. The healthy spinach and the mysterious aphrodisiac powers of the grapes create a perfect storm of culinary delight. Give in and go with it. This salad can take you places you never knew existed. And at the end of the journey your inevitable sexual conquest will be secondary to the post-coital glow you experienced with love at first bite. Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bake, Baked goat cheese salad, balsamic reduction, bang, classy, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, grapes, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, lunch, naked, nuts, pistachio, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, spinach, vegetarian | 
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Posted by cooktobang
June 8, 2015
Summer rolling with the homies
Summertime calls for lighter fare so we can hone our buns, abs and groins of steel. Gone are the big coats that hide our blubbery bits. If you want to bang you gotta look bangable. So it’s time to put the dairy and beef products aside and get healthy. Vegan food can be boring if you let it. But how many obese vegans do you know? My advice is to embrace the Asian fusion hippie party time. Be sure your date notices how cultured and sensitive you are. Play it off like you’ve gone green, instead of just greedy for more banging. If you want to roll in the hay, you better start rolling. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Asia, asian, bang, banging, delicious, DIY, East, easy, flavorful, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger onion, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, mint, mushrooms, naked, orient, recipe, rice paper wraps, roll in the hay, seduce, sex, shredded coconut, spring rolls, summer rolls, tasty, tofu, tofu summer rolls recipe, vegan, vegetarian, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 5, 2015
Alaskan halibut is sexier than Sarah Palin marinaded in contradiction
Welcome to the big time, my friends. This dish is intended for someone rather special because halibut ain’t cheap and it takes a while to prepare. But you can’t put a price on edible orgasms, at least not legally outside of Amsterdam. Your date will be so impressed by this outstanding piece of seafood that you will need a crowbar to pry them off of you. If they are not thoroughly blown away by your cooking prowess than they are most likely a cyborg from the future sent to kill you before you sire the rebel leader a la John Connor. This is actually a great litmus test that could very well save humanity. But I digress. The point is this dish will set your date’s mouth and loins ablaze with passion. The first time I prepared this dish, I received countless e-mails from my date’s friends who I did not know asking me for the recipe. Only a fool would simply hand over a recipe (case in point). Instead I offered the cute ones private tutorials. To the Alaskan halibut fisherman, I owe you a beer or ten! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, basil, bbq, black pepper, brown sugar, delicious, dijon mustard, easy, fish, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grill, grilled halibut, grillin' like a villain, halibut, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, main course. Sarah Palin, marinade, naked, romance, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, soy sauce, tarragon, Worcestershire sauce | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 1, 2015
Who da freak? You da freak! And I sure do like it!
It’s about that time. What time you ask? It’s certainly not the time to get dull and apologetic. No sir. Put away the penny loafers and break out the rubber gimp suit. Time to act out your freakiest, kinkiest, most debauch fantasies EVER! Feel like covering yourself in honey and letting grizzly bears lick you clean? Go for it! Ever wonder what it would be like to eat a sandwich while banging someone’s brains out? No time like the present? Have you ever fantasized about combining watermelon into a salad? You are one sicko. But I love it! There are no rules here. We’ll designate a safe word in case we go too far into our depravity. That word is “MORE!” Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, poultry, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, debauch, delicious, DIY, easy, fantasy, food, freakiest, fried chicken, fried chicken salad recipe, game changer, get laid, getting freaky, gimp, gourmet, greens, grizzly bear, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kinkiest, kitchen, libido, mozzarella, naked, ranch dressing, recipe, romaine lettuce, rubber suit, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sicko, southern, tasty, tomato, watermelon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 21, 2015
Get the best Dank Organic Veggie Burrito on Phish tour!
Holy shit, bra! Did you catch Phish at Bonaroo? I mean like wow, man! Maybe I can articulate it without than bohemian euphemisms once the acid wears off. At least I was able to pick up some hard-body hippie harlots in the lot selling Dank Organic Veggie Burritos out of my mom’s Prius. They thought my vegan wraps were heady, yo. I played them some old bootlegs from like WAY back in the day. They were mad impressed, especially when they started rubbing the Phish tat across my heart. Good thing they didn’t realize it was just henna until after I get my dirty hippie orgy on. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, hippie, mexican, RECIPES, SINWICHES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: acid, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, black beans, bohemian, Bonaroo, burrito-sized tortillas, concert parking lot, dank organic veggie burritos recipe, degenerate, delicious, DIY, easy, fajita seasoning, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, Grateful Dead, green bell pepper, guarantee, healthy, henna tattoo, hippie, hippies, homemade, intercourse, jam bands, kitchen, lettuce, libido, long hair, naked, olive oil, onion, organic, orgy, Phish, prius, recipe, red bell pepper, rice, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smelly, tasty, tomato, Toyota, vegan, vegetarian, veggie burrito recipe, veggie wrap recipe, Widespread Panic, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 5, 2015
“It takes 2 to make a thing go right. It takes 2 to make it out of sight.” – Rob Base
You gotta love appetizer and wine dates. Combine these perfect companions and the two of you will be combined soon enough. If one of you brings the wine and the other the appetizer, you’ll need to figure out who’s bringing the condoms. These miniature caprese salads on a stick are easy to make, easy to take on the go, plus you can hand feed each other. It doesn’t get more sensual and primitive than that. Who loves you? Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bang, banging, basil, buffalo mozzarella, caprese salad recipe, cherry tomatoes, condoms, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand feed, homemade, hor d’oeuvres, intercourse, it takes two, kitchen, libido, mini-capreses, naked, olive oil, primitive, recipe, rob base, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sensual, sex, starter, tasty, toothpicks, undress me, vegetarian, wine, wine appetizer date, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 30, 2015
This entree is dreamier than all the boy bands mixed together in a blender.
This fish is as dreamy as a 1950’s teen hearthrob. All the girls in poodle skirts want a chance to go to the drive-in with this Indonesian delight. It’s so dreamy, so steamy, so extremey! There’s a do wop band already concocting a song about that “Steamy, dreamy fish…do wop tra la la la you got your wish!” It’s taking the world by storm. Don’t you want to fit in with the popular crowd? Then I suggest you invite the captain of the football team or cheerleading squad over for dinner pronto. This aphrodisiac triple-threat is a hell of a lot healthier than that microwave dinner. Classier too! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: 1950’s icon, aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, cilantro, delicious, DIY, do wop band, dreamy steamy fish recipe, drive-in, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, healthy, homemade, Indonesia, Indonesian, intercourse, kitchen, libido, microwave dinner, naked, poodle skirt, popular crowd, recipe, red snapper, salt, scallions, sea bass, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, soft fish, soft tofu, soy sauce, spicy, steam, tasty, white pepper, wok, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 26, 2015
Hummus = Hummer, simple as that
Bing bang boom! When you hear that sound, you know it’s on. It’s pretty much on as soon as your date sees you make homemade hummus. They will be puzzled at the simplicity, your mastery of the food blender, and this uncanny ability to serve them exactly what they want. Don’t question the logic. Go with it giving your most defiant stare of FUCK YEAH! There’s no need to say anything. The creamy, flavor-packed Middle Eastern condom-ment will say it for you. Your date will innately understand that they have a goddamn legend-in-the-making on their hands and acquiesce to your most perverted demands. See you in the Elysian Fields! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, Arabic, bang, banging, basil, delicious, DIY, easy, elysian fields, fast, finger food, food, game changer, garbanzo beans, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hummunna hummunna hummus recipe, intercourse, Israeli, kitchen, lemon, libido, Middle Eastern, naked, olive oil, Palestinian, pita bread, puree, recipe, red pepper hummus recipe, roasted red peppers, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 10, 2015
If you’re looking for trouble, you’ve come to the right site.
If you’re looking at this site, you are most certainly asking for trouble. This is not a nice blog to share with your grandmother. Perhaps your mom, if she’s open-minded or a hot MILF. The Cook To Bang staff warns you that our content may cause increased heart rate and libido. But can you blame us? We are all hopped up on this Atkins-friendly low-carb protein-blast salad. Every bite brings us closer to walking confidentially in thongs in South Beach. We employed the countless fad diets and a massive dose of steroids to make us beach ready. You’re wondering if the risks to my health and mental state for bedlam rock-star food orgies were worth it. You think this hot ass and glistening bedroom muscles are some accident? Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asking for trouble, atkins, atkins for trouble burger salad, avocado, bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq sauce, bedroom muscles, black pepper, burger salad recipe, carbs, carrots, cilantro, delicious, DIY, dr. atkins, easy, egg, fad diets, food, food orgies, food orgy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, greens, grill, ground beef, ground turkey, guarantee, hard-boiled, homemade, hot ass, intercourse, kitchen, libido, milf, naked, olive oil, raspberry vinaigrette, recipe, rock star, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, south beach, south beach diet, spinach, steroids, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 25, 2015
This waffle party is like the firework grand finale in your mouth.
Celebrate American Independence from those tax-collecting limeys. Those redcoats just took and took and never bothered to give their colonists a reach around. King George shouldn’t have been surprised when they stopped sucking him off with a smile. Perhaps if the British were more inclined to reciprocate with the oral gratification Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, and the rest of their posse wouldn’t object to being colonial fluffers. But alas, history unfolded and now the yanks are free from British money shots splattering their bespectacled, wig-wearing faces. If not the taxes and tariffs, chances are the Yankees would have rebelled against the piss poor British cuisine. So celebrate Independence Day with a distinctly American dessert. Oh say can you see? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: America, American, aphrodisiac, bake, baked chocolate strawberry waffle, bang, banging, bespectacled, british, colonial, colony, cuisine, dark chocolate, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, eggo, fluffer, food, fourth of july, franklin, frozen waffles, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, heavy whipping cream, history, homemade, independence day, intercourse, Jefferson, july 4th, king george, kitchen, libido, limeys, money shot, naked, oral gratification, powdered sugar, reach around, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberries, sweet, tariffs, tasty, taxes, vanilla, waffle party usa recipe, Washington, Whipped cream, Yankees, yanks, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 