September 15, 2014
Get hungry, then get stuffed!
Sometimes you just need to do some stuffing. You have those sexy bits laying around waiting for some action satisfaction. Who are you not to play those kinky reindeer games? Get with the program and get stuffed. The fun part is taking the random goodies and seeing what will fit. It’s a lot like object porn where they stuff foreign objects into small openings. Shocking? Yes. Intriguing? Sure. Delicious? Most definitely! The stuffing I created for this dish was from goodies lying around my fridge eager for their day in sun…found in my oven. This is your chance to blow a few minds and other parts of the body with your stunning creativity. So polenta some panties off and start stuffing! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
September 10, 2014
Get ready for some non-spaghetti in beddy!
This one goes out to all the sexy singles marching blindly to Atkins’ carb-free tune. Myself included. All this cooking and banging has put a hold on my underwear-modeling career. But only temporarily! I’m coming back hotter and more in your face awesome than ever. Healthy food is always the sexiest. We’ll skip the carbohydrated pasta in favor of nature’s non-processed solution. Spaghetti squash is an adventure of ingenuity and texture. It takes to a pasta sauce like a hooker to a free bag of crack. This simple sauté recipe should set you right. But pesto would convince just as many of your dates to drop trow. Now get roasting, my health-minded friends. I’m hitting the gym to work on my glutes. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, italian, IT’S ON!-TREES, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, atkins, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, calivirgin, carbohydrates, crack, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, low-carb, naked, non-processed, olive oil, parmesan cheese, recipe, red cabbage, roast, salt, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spaghetti squash, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 13, 2014
Shroom Shroom Ka’Boom!
Feel that rumbling? That’s not your stomach growling for something homemade and delicious. It’s the sound of a dance party emanating from a sandwich, reverberating across the room and making everything turn raver-licious. Close your eyes and you will see strobe lights. Suddenly we are all wearing baggy pants again and dancing with glow sticks, blissfully unaware how ridiculous we look to anyone sober. Like we care, right? It’s 1999 all over again and I know the DJ. Think of this shroom burger as the ultimate disco biscuit. It is so damn good, you feel like you are high on god knows what. You will certainly appear more attractive to whomever you serve it to. Now the two of you can shadow dance with your hands like epileptic classical music conductors. Rave on ‘til the break of dawn! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES, SINWICHES, spicy, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, baggy pants, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, boom, chili, classical music conductor, dairy, delicious, disco biscuit, DIY, dj, easy, epileptic, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled, grilled onions, guarantee, hamburger buns, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, mayonnaise, mozzarella cheese, naked, olive oil, Portobello mushroom burger recipe, rave, raver, raver-licious, recipe, sandwich, seduce, sex, shrooms, sinwich, spicy, spicy mushroom burger recipe, summer, tasty, tomato, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2014
I wrapped these tasty morsels up in lettuce and God said it was good.
You read that right. These lettuce wraps are no joke. Dr. Atkins is saluting them from his cloud in heaven. How could this much flavor be packed into such a low carb treat? Is it a miracle? Did God communicate this recipe to me from atop the mountain like Moses on Mount Sinai? The answer to all these questions is “You damn skippy!” This creation has absolutely nothing to do with the fact there was no bread in my house. Poppycock to those heretics who suggest otherwise. And the crowd of one I served it was certainly happy and surprised by the result. She too doubted that it would work. But I converted her into a believer. Can I get an amen? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, dairy, healthy, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: amen, atkins, bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq sauce, believer, calivirgin, cheese, chicken, chicken lettuce wrap, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, god, gourmet, grilled, guarantee, healthy, heretic, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, low-carb, mayonnaise, moses, mount Sinai, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, onion, pear, poppycock, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 18, 2014
Come on a banging safari with me!
The Beach Boys sang about surfing safaris. They’d travel the world surfing and singing their little hearts out. Not a bad idea, except substitute banging for surfing, and singing for grilling. Now we’re talking about a trip to remember. We can squeeze in some waves and singing while in the final throes of banging. But it’s all about beach time fun time all the time. You don’t have time to waste in the water when you have hot tanning bodies waiting for you to invite them to chill out while you grill out. Use the surfboard as a prop and hint that you just won a lifetime supply of sunscreen. Offer to rub some of your grand prize onto their shoulders and lure them over to your beach shack. Demonstrate your skills out of the water and grill them up some crazy easy, low-calorie tacos that won’t harm their swimsuit bod. Now comes the easy part of the safari. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: avocado, bang, banging safari, barbecue, bbq, beach, beach boys, black pepper, calamari, calamari steak, cayenne pepper, corn tortillas, delicious, DIY, easy, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grilled calamari tacos recipe, grillin' like a villain, grilling, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, let’s go surfing now, low calorie, low fat, mexican, mexico, naked, olive oil, onion, protein, recipe, seduce, sex, shack, squid tacos, sunscreen, suntan lotion, surfboard, surfing, Surfing safari, swimsuit, tacos, tasty, tomato, water, waves, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 14, 2014
- Experimenting in the kitchen leads to experimenting in the bedroom.
Experimentation makes the world go round. Where would we be without Ben Franklin accidentally barbecuing himself with a kite? I approach cooking with the same punk rock philosophy. My instincts usually lead to success, but every once in a while I crash a burn. My culinary experiments usually take place behind closed doors, the windows drawn, and a former Mossad security team keeping out the paparazzi. I can’t have my cooking rep suffer should I create a black hole of shame in my kitchen. There were these peanut butter cookies I made without sugar that were so bad they will follow me to into grave and end up stuffed in my suit pocket. Every once in a while a new recipe needs to be attempted on the spot. This skeptical lawyer whose ass still looks banging under her pantsuit was concerned when she saw me peel a tangerine and shell shrimp. “You’re putting that in my eggs?” I calmed down this sexpot lawyer that dominates in the courtroom and bedroom by pouring coffee into one of my beloved PHOTO MUGS. She drank the java, then ate her words, and entire plate, even forking away one of my shrimp! my lawyer lover ended up being late to her deposition because she subpoenaed me between the sheets. CTB 1 – LAW 0. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beat, black hole, black pepper, bodyguard, calivirgin, cilantro, delicious, deposition, DIY, easy, eggs, electricity, experiment, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, inventor, kitchen, lawyer, libido, low-carb, mossad, naked, olive oil, peanut butter cookies, protein, recipe, salt, sauté, scramble, security team, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp tangerine scramble, skeptical, sweet, tangerine, tangy, tangy bangy shrimpy scramble, tasty, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 9, 2014
Just say no to crack. But say yes to smacking that sea bass!
Did you hear that crack? That’s the sound of my hand against flesh? You know you love it. Denying it is as believable as a crackhead swearing the car stereo in his hand was a birthday gift. So just enjoy the pleasure this gives you like you would a massage with a happy ending. There’s no shame in indulging in life’s simple pleasures. Your date will no doubt agree when you let them taste a little of your thunder. That is, after they catch their breath. So bring the noise and don’t hesitate to smack this dish loud and proud. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, awesome, basil, DIY, filet, fish, gourmet, green onion, grill, grilled sea bass, healthy, homemade, juice, lemon, low fat, marinate, nuts, olive oil, Pistachio encrusted sea bass recipe, pistachio meats, protein, pulverized, salt, seafood, smack that ass, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 7, 2014
Polenta them down, all the way to the ground.
Sometimes you have to take decisive action to get your freak on. That means going all in like in a high stakes game of poker and laying it all on the line. Well, perhaps that analogy is wrong. In fact, this recipe makes the art of culinary seduction seem easy. Polenta screams out classy and sophisticated. Just accept the compliment and go with it. Let the aphrodisiac double threat (black beans & avocado) and rich collection of textures speak for you. Don’t fret. The pants will come off like some freaky scientific mystery. I’ll give you a hint about the science: good food = great sex. And critics say this site is not educational! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cuban, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, black beans, black pepper, cornmeal, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homemade, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, limejuice, mango salsa, Mediterranean, naked, olive oil, pants off, polenta, pre-made, recipe, seduce, sex, sophisticated, starter, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 28, 2014
Where the party at? In your pants of course!
Wondering where the party’s at? It’s wherever the hell you are at any given moment. You could walk into a nursing home and suddenly the geriatrics would be break-dancing and popping wheelies in their wheelchairs. Sound good? In order to make that shit happen, you better bring your A-game. That means throwing down something delicious, even it’s simple enough to assemble in total darkness underwater (not an ideal setting to cook, btw). So what is your lazy ass waiting for? Forget all the effort required to make pizza dough. Grab a big ass pita and make a big ass, booty-shaking pizza party for two…or more. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: a-game, aphrodisiac, bake, bang, banging, basil, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, game changer, geriatrics, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mozzarella, naked, nursing home, olive oil, pita, Pita pizza party recipe, pita pizza recipe, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, vegetarian, wheelchair, yellow bell pepper, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 7, 2014
Bangerine your date's reluctance to smithereens!
Tangerines are a whorish fruit. While oranges, kiwis, and grapes are off to church to pray they won’t be eaten, tangerines rub their citrus all over everybody. I’ve never met a fruit so eager for you to eat them out. They are like that hot girl who realizes her true nature is to be a slut, regardless of what their family, friends and community think. Fair enough I say. Who am I to deny something so tasty the privilege of my mouth’s company? Since tangerines are in season now and cheap (insert hooker reference here), I’m throwing them into the mix just about everywhere. In my salad? Obviously! In my cereal? Why not! In my eggs? My mornings have never been so skank-er-licious! So inspire the whore in your date by serving up a salad with the sweet tangy flavor of bangerines! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bangerine salad, banging, calivirgin, church, citrus, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, pine nuts, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, skank-er-licious, tangerine salad recipe, tangerines, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, whorish, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 