January 9, 2014
Dig on down to the underground. There are treasures to be found.
All kinds of exciting things happen below the ground. Ever hear of a gopher gala? What about a mole massive? Groundhog grind? Do you know what fuels all these critters crazy times? Root vegetables! Potatoes, beets, radishes, and oh so many more. Bully to the fancy pants food that grows above ground. No self-respecting tunnel-digging creature would ever admit to preferring a tomato to a carrot. So in honor of the subterranean happenings that I had the pleasure of attending, I whipped up an uber-healthy salad using only goods from down below. I had all the underground creatures sitting around my table like a Mad Hatter style tea party. It was messy, but oh so delicious. And then the queen of the mole people invited me into her boudoir for a private show you would never see on the Disney Channel. We were to be betrothed, but I escaped through a tunnel that led me back to my bed where I woke up confused and a little hungry.
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2 Comments | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: alice in wonderland, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beets, betrothed, boil, calivirgin, chop, delicious, Disney channel, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get down in the ground veggie salad, get laid, goat cheese, gopher, gourmet, groundhog, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mad Hatter, mole, mole people, naked, olive oil, peel, potato, radishes, recipe, root vegetables, root veggie salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, subterranean, tasty, tea party, toss, toss your salad, underground party, vegetarian, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
December 9, 2013
We're talking bloody in a good way.
“This salad is bloody fantastic!” These are the words of my limey friend who sampled this salad I threw together. And no, I did not cook to bang my mate. He’s been striking out with the birds as of late so I gave him a quick cooking tutorial. I believe the geezer has his sea legs now since he’s used my recipes to bed a few strumpets already. The problem is he keeps making the same few recipes I’ve taught him. Sounds like we’re just about ready for another lesson. Perhaps he can repay me by teaching me the finer points of football (as in soccer for the uninitiated). With World Cup coming up, I need good talking points to pick up Brazilians. In the mean time, enjoy this uber-healthy salad with me new favorite fruit, the blood orange, which is bloody orangtastic. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: avocado, blood orange salad recipe, blood oranges, Bloody fantastic, bloody orangtastic salad, Brazilians, british, citrus, dijon mustard, English, food, football, game changer, geezer, get laid, green onion, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, libido, limey, mate, olive oil, recipe, red wine vinegar, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, soccer, spinach, strumpet, tasty, UK, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, world cup, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 30, 2013
All we are saying is give pizza a chance.
Ever had someone tell you that they won’t bang you until there is peace in the Middle East? That is essentially the sugarcoated version of “when Hell freezes over”. Now’s your chance to be a real world hero and bang the long shot. All you have to do is unite the warring cultures with a little nosh using ingredients they all know and love. Make enough of these suckers and serve them to the leaders of said opposing forces at the table of brotherhood. By the first slice, they will warm up to their neighbor. Once they get their fill, the concessions will be flying like articles of clothing onto your bedroom floor. The UN will just have to wait for you to get done banging to award you with a platinum-plated Lamborghini. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, arab, babaganoush, bake, bang, banging, brotherhood, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, food, foreplay, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, hell freezes over, homemade, intercourse, Israel, jews, kitchen, Lamborghini, lemon, libido, long shot, naked, olive oil, Palestine, peace in the middle east, Persian gulf, pita, pizza, queso fresco, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, thyme, tomato, UN, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 4, 2013
Try this stuff and then you can't get enough truff!
People say scuffle like it’s a bad thing. Disorder and confusion in tight quarters is usually how banging is initiated. It goes back to the days of playing 30 seconds in the closet. Those first experiences that created your perfectly pervy personality are examples of the good kind of scuffle. No doubt, most of you have ended up with your tongue in someone’s mouth as a result of tight quarters like the doorway at some crowded party or the backseat of your friends Volkswagen. Random? Yes. Unexpected? Definitely. Awesome? You betcha! So bring on the scuffles with truffles. Truffle oil is like a love potion crafted by the love gods, yet available for a price at yuppie food banks such as Whole Foods. Worth every goddamn penny. The bottle shall create many future scuffles, that lead to shuffles into the nearest tight quarters.
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1 Comment | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, french, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: 30 seconds in the closet, bang, banging, bedroom scuffle truffle fries, Belgium, Belgium style fries, carbs, confusion, deep-fried, delicious, disorder, DIY, easy, euro, food, French fries, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, love gods, naked, parmesan, pervy, potatoes, recipe, russet potatoes, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tight quarters, truffle parmesan French fries recipe, vegetable oil, vegetarians, Volkswagen, white truffle oil, you betcha, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 30, 2013
You a pimp or a shrimp?
This recipe comes courtesy of Pete in Brooklyn, NY. Great title, great combination of things I love. Pete writes:
When that Portobello just won’t do as its told, shrimp slap it. Yank at it, scrape it up, stuff it good and proper. There will be no more of that disrespecting your taste buds. You will get yours with this recipe. If you fail with this dish, you fail at living the good life. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, contests, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, thai | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baked, bang, banging, Brooklyn, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, gills, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, ny, nyc, olive oil, pimp slap, Portobello mushrooms, raw shrimp, recipe, scrape, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, shower, shrimp slap the portobell-ho, shrimp stuffed Portobello mushrooms recipe, shrooms, spicy, Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce, stuff, taste buds, tasty, thai, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 23, 2013
Soba So Lucky So Good
There are bad carbs and good carbs. Some good carbs can be great carbs with the right amount of sex appeal. We’re about to take what is already damn good for you and make it damn good for your culinary seduction game. Leave it to the Japanese to make noodles this banging on the healthy scale. They already brought us ninjas, sumo wrestling, and anime porn. No one should be surprised that their culinary innovations are as versatile as a geisha who goes from flower dancing to lap dancing. The addition of winter veggies creates an extra bonus like banging a hottie who can actually carry on a conversation other than shopping or sports. I think I’m in love, or just very hungry and horny. Either way, munch freely! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, healthy, Japanese, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: anime, asian, bang, banging, carbs, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, garlic, geisha, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, horny, hottie, hungry, I think I’m in love, intercourse, japan, Japanese, kitchen, lemongrass, libido, light, lime, naked, ninja, porn, rainbow chard, recipe, rice vinegar, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, so banging soba noodles, soba noodle recipe, soba noodles, soy sauce, sumo wrestling, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, versatile, white radish, winter vegetable soba noodles, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 17, 2013
Get ready for a booty quake that will shake your whole neighborhood. Be sure that you take precautionary measures while making this salad like wearing safety goggles, a fireproof apron and remain under a doorway. You don’t want blunt objects falling from the cabinet. Concussions really aren’t as sexy as celebrities make them out to be. But still 9 out of 10 famous people agree that this salad gets them hot and bothered. Their overpaid asses move, groove and behoove you to adore them. Go with it. Each bite is a fruity journey to the center of your pleasure dome. Serve this salad only to those whose asses you are keen to see shake in the moonlight. Otherwise your retinas may burn from an unspeakable spectacle. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, new zealand, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, basil, booty quake, celebrities, delicious, DIY, dressing, dried cranberries, easy, fruit salad, Fruitay bootay salad recipe, fruity, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, kiwi, lemon juice, mixed greens, naked, olive oil, pear, recipe, red wine vinegar, roughage, safety goggles, seduce, sex, tart fruit salad, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 16, 2013
Wrap it, wrap it, WRAP IT up tight!
Culinary seduction is a delicate dance. One can never seem too eager or lackadaisical. Walk the tightrope. It’s all about putting as much passion into your cooking as you do into your banging. Like in the sack, you want them begging for more of your food. This can yield repeat visits from a sex kitten or wild stallion. They might just tell their friends about the hottest night of their adult life, your future CTB candidates. There is no better publicity than an outstanding performance. Hence, this fine dish. It all started while I was house-sitting a family friend’s home in Key West. I took a booze cruise along the Florida Bay where I met a college girl staying with her eccentric aunt. We laughed and drank and were both ravenous when we stepped off the SS Drunken Fools. I bought freshly shucked jumbo scallops from a fisherman on the docks and lured her to my abode with promises of the “best meal ever”. When I got to the pad I found a fridge loaded with only condiments and frozen bacon in the freezer. Desperation leads to innovation and in this case fornication. The bacon was crisp, the scallops succulent, the flavor in full effect. After eating my food, this college girl was down for just about anything. She did in fact beg for more and more and more. Only a cold-hearted bastard would deny her. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bacon, Bacon wrapped scallop recipe, bacon wrapped scallops, bang, booze cruise, college girl, crushed red pepper, delicious, easy, fisherman, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, jumbo scallops, kitchen, lime, mayonnaise, naked, recipe, romance, salt, scallops, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, southern, succulent, sun dried tomato, tasty, turkey bacon, veggie bacon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 23, 2013
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a stinky pinky, y’all!
Riding dirty is the Southern way. At least that is what I learned on my most recent visit to New Orleans. I befriended a Southern belle boozing it up with absinthe at a vampire bar down a dark alley. She did not believe that I was a master of disaster in the kitchen. So I took her challenge on the spot to go back to her place and fix up a meal with only what I found in their kitchen. This cutie with an even cuter accent was unprepared for the awesome assault I unleashed in her mouths and loins. I managed to make NEVER FLAKES CRAB CAKES (minus the mango), a simple salad and a SLOB ON MY KNOBBLER COBBLER with pears. My payment for all my efforts was a cocktail that I present to you. She called it a Pink Lady since she is after all genteel and demure. But the demure soon fizzled away by our fourth round. That’s when she showed me true hospitality in her boudoir. It was only after, while I sipped a lukewarm pink lady as she slumbered next to me that I understood the saying: “Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez.” Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | libation lubrication, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: absinthe, bang, banging, beverage, booze, boudoir, bourbon, challenge, champagne, cuties, date, delicious, demure, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, food, game changer, genteel, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez, libido, lime, Louisiana, naked, New Orleans, peach juice, pink lady cocktail recipe, recipe, riding dirty, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, southern belles, stinky pinky lady cocktail, tasty, vampire bar, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 14, 2013
Holy mole, Batman! You got Cat Woman and Poison Ivy right where you want them: making out on your bed.
I hope you’re not too busy because your calendar is about to get busy. Learn to make this dish right and you won’t be lacking in dinner dates for a long time. Meet the enchanting Mexican mole. The chili/chocolate APHRODISIAC double play rides backseat to the powerful array of flavors rocking this dish. The Aztec, Italian, Spanish and Mexican cultures together inspired what became a literal melting pot of delicious cuisine. Chicken will never be the same after you bake it in what is in essence spicy chocolate sauce. Mole has warmed up my winter turning my street cred platinum. I have hotties I barely know inquiring via facebook when I’ll make them say “Holy mole!” Soon. Very soon. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, IT’S ON!-TREES, mexican, RECIPES | Tagged: amigo, bang, cayenne, chicken, Chicken mole recipe, chipotle, chocolate, cinnamon, cumin, delicious, easy, fancy, flavorful, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, mexican, Mexican mole recipe, mexico, mo lays chicken mole, naked, ole, onion, peanut butter, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, spicy, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 