March 13, 2013
Give ’em a good talker before giving ’em a shocker!
You could almost call this the “shocker” of salads. There you are serving your date up some salad and they’ll assume it’s some sort of noodle salad. Ha! You will laugh uproariously when you inform them this gluten and low-carb salad ain’t got none of that noise. We’re talking healthy to the point of being almost impossible to fathom. How could a salad taste so freakishly awesome with a texture akin to licking an angel’s naught bits? Unfortunately for you, my lawyers have informed me that these are trade secrets. But I fought back and insisted in at least giving out the recipe to my readers. So COOK TO BANG in good health knowing that somewhere out there you have a digital chef wingman looking out for your baser needs. Who loves ya? Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, atkins, fusion, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, atkins, avocado, bang, banging, cilantro, delicious, digital chef, DIY, easy, fathom, food, game changer, get laid, gluten-free, gourmet, green onion, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, lime, low-carb, naked, naughty bits, noodle salad, recipe, roast, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, soy sauce, spaghetti squash salad, spaghetti squash shocker salad recipe, tasty, the shocker, tomato, vegan, vegetarian, wingman, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
February 13, 2013
Sugar mamas are also welcomed to slang cookies a la Cook To Bang
Calling all dudes! Here’s your chance to be a sugar daddy without tapping out your bank account. There’s no need to drop mortgage payments at clubs on bottle service, 10-course French dinners, or the shoe store. Instead steal their hearts and undergarments with your creativity and resourcefulness. Isn’t that why we Cook To Bang? I’m a sugar daddy that slangs sweet treats. Pass these out to one or all twelve of your sweetums. Each will be touched by your thoughtfulness and darling gesture. Who’s your daddy now, ladies? Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, baking powder, baking soda, bang, banging, bottle service, butter, cookies, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, egg, flour, food, game changer, get laid, gift, gourmet, grease, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, recipe, resourcefulness, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slanging, strawberries, sugar cookie recipe, sugar daddy, sugar daddy cookies, sweets, tasty, thoughtfulness, vanilla extract, vegetable oil, white sugar, who’s your daddy, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 23, 2013
AKA Brie Bacon Lettuce Tomato Sandwich
Don’t let the BBW reference scare you. This sandwich is lean, mean and totally obscene. Just the way you like it. Here at CTB, we strive to make gourmet food accessible for the masses in DIY fashion. But sometimes we do you one better, and I’m not just talking about when candles are lit after a bottle of wine. Occasionally we take a simple classic dish and load it with sexy pretension. Sure you could make a BLT – Boring Lame Tired sandwich. But that will be as memorable as a premature ejaculator. You need to treat a sandwich like you would a well-planned yet nonchalant seduction. Bring on the Brie cheese! Allow the delicate flavors of France to remake this American classic. Now claim this sandwich to be your own design and accept the praise and sexual healing that will follow. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | french, fusion, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: American, bacon, bang, banging, bblt recipe, bbw, big beautiful lady tamer sinwich, boring lame tired, brie bacon lettuce tomato sandwich recipe, brie cheese, cherry tomatoes, delicious, DIY, easy, food, french, fusion, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet blt recipe, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, lunch, mayonnaise, naked, nonchalant, premature ejaculator, recipe, sandwich, seduce, sex, sourdough bread, tasty, turkey bacon, veggie bacon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 14, 2012
Warm your date's bones before your bones get jumped!
It’s like an 80’s ski movie. There you are in the ski lodge after a day making fresh turns all day on the slopes. It’s snowing heavily and you’ve hung up your skis or snowboard. Your bones start to thaw and across the bar you see a ski bunny or dude checking you out, a Hot Toddy in hand. Not a bad idea. You order yourself one before sauntering over and introducing yourself. You make up a story about how you nearly made it to the 2002 Winter Olympics in Utah, but you chose instead to double major in quantum physics and Japanese at Oxford. Sure you’re a billionaire now, but you regret not winning the gold for your country. But hey, you’ll take their phone number as a consolation prize and make plans to meet up later after you shower the ski stink off. Number in hand, you make your way over to high five your ski buddies and savor the Hot Toddy warming your cold bones. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | libation lubrication, RECIPES, winter | Tagged: alcoholic hot tea, bang, below zero, cold weather, delicious, drink, easy, freezing, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hot, hot beverage, Hot toddy recipe, intercourse, kitchen, libation lubrication, naked, recipe, refreshing, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, ski bunny, ski lodge, skiing, snowboarding, tasty, warming, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 13, 2012
The resourceful bird gets the worm and makes their lovers squirm with glee.
One good spaghetti squash recipe deserves another. The first round was ITALIAN PASTA STYLE; this is an Asian spicy noodle version that maximizes the low-carb way of life. Truth be told, these spaghetti squash strands were leftovers I had no clue how to make. But I was hung over one morning with some random piece of strange from the night before whose name I couldn’t remember for the life of me sleeping in my bed. I thought perhaps some sustenance would jar my brain into remembering who the hell this naked hottie was still snoring. Carbs help soak up alcohol, but to my chagrin, my roommate finished up my rice noodles. My head was pounding too hard to act anything but resourceful. Many thanks to the leftover spaghetti squash strands that were a champion noodle substitute. My mystery date dug them too. And my roommate redeemed herself for her early offense by introducing herself to the beautiful stranger, hence arming me with a name. It made things easier when I asked the less-mysterious girl to leave before my lunch date arrived. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, atkins, Chinese, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, spicy, thai, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, Chinese, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, egg, fast, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, hung over, intercourse, italian, kitchen, leftovers, libido, low-carb, mystery girl, naked, recipe, red cabbage, resourceful, roommate, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soy sauce, spaghetti squash, Spaghetti squash asian noodles recipe, spaghetti squash nudey noodles, spicy, spicy spaghetti squash recipe, sriracha chili sauce, stir fry, strange, tasty, thai, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 6, 2012
Yes you will!
Cook To Bang is taking a day off from sexy talk to brandish you with self-indulgent politics aside. Forgive the latte liberal over here and vote. The US was founded on this inalienable right. The last four years were hard. It might seem that unfortunate circumstances are cock-blocking your future. Remember that out of tragedy comes opportunity. Innovation is the bastard child of inconvenience. So when bread goes stale, make CROUTONS. Burn the chicken and you got one awesome meal for the dog. If the condom breaks…never mind. Always trust your instincts, follow your heart and life will rewards you. And never ever skip out on the finer things in life, like COOKING AND BANGING. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, italian, RECIPES, SEDUCTION | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, basil, cantaloupe, delicious, easy, finger food, foreplay, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, italian, kitchen, melon, naked, olive oil, prosciutto, recipe, romance, romantic, sea salt, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, wrapped cantaloupe recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 17, 2012
Via Bangria via mi cama
This recipe comes from Mandy in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We had to include a boozy recipe with summer finally here. Mandy writes:
Sangria in summer is necessary for me as the free clinic is to a hooker. I can’t live without some cold fruity wine as the sun beats down. The best way to enjoy it is with as little clothing as possible. No clothing is best. There’s no better way to cool you down after stick summer sex. Plus you can pick out the fruit and eat them off your play pal. The best part of this recipe is that it’s a portable party for backyard BBQs, pool parties, or orgies. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | greek, libation lubrication, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spanish, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, apple, bang, banging, bangria, bbq, blackberry, booze, delicious, DIY, easy, Florida, food, free clinic, fruit juice, fruity, Ft. Lauderdale, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mandy, mix, naked, on the go, orange, pool parties, portable, recipe, refreshing, refrigerate, sangria, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soak, spanish, summer, summertime, tasty, via, white sangria, white wine, white wine sangria recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 24, 2012
Polenta it all off, the skivvies too.
Making those pesky clothes vanish is easier than you’d think. Despite the popular folklore that you first must pass a series of relationship tests in order to get there, au contraire. The scientists working around the clock in shifts down in the Cook To Bang lab have discovered a way to leapfrog that major time suck. Polenta draws people sharing it for reasons I could only explain via a Glenn Beck crazy chart. It has the effect even with polar opposites like a hipster honky in pants tighter than the sororitease he’s banging’s black fuck-me pants. Don’t question the science. It just works, like gravity. Or condoms*. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, hippie, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, baking powder, baking soda, bang, banging, bottle service, butter, cookies, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, egg, flour, food, game changer, get laid, gift, gourmet, grease, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, recipe, resourcefulness, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slanging, strawberries, sugar cookie recipe, sugar daddy, sugar daddy cookies, sweets, tasty, thoughtfulness, vanilla extract, vegetable oil, white sugar, who’s your daddy, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 8, 2012
Be sure no bear steals your picnic basket while you’re banging in the woods.
Food on the go doesn’t always mean artery-shattering fast food in greasy paper bags. Call it a picnic and suddenly you’re the classiest bastard alive. Cooking at home certainly makes post-meal banging a foregone conclusion, but sometimes you need to mix it up. Taking your homemade treats elsewhere can be an adventure that allows your date to get comfortable with you. The clear advantage to a picnic date is not blowing your paycheck at a restaurant. Plus it’s romantic in spite of it being a tad cliché. My retort to that is women always flock to recycled cliché romantic comedies ad nausea. Many a picnic date have yielded me randy rewards. One went so well that I was cited in a park for public indecency when my date and I were caught in the backseat of her Prius, which was surprisingly roomy. Apparently all the parents of impressionable youngsters didn’t appreciate our tomfoolery. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, SEDUCTION, summer, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: appetizers, bang, banging, Beaches, cheap, cliché, Concerts, delicious, desserts, DIY, easy, finger food, food, fresh air, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, Hikes, homemade, inexpensive, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, on the go, Outdoor festivals, outdoors, Parks, picnic, picnic baskets, picnic to bang, Plays, public indecency, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, tomfoolery, yogi bear, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 25, 2012
Blackened Catfish, blacker heart
I like my catfish to match the color of my heart: black. At least that’s what every girl I just banged has said. Apparently sleeping with someone with no emotion beyond “boy that was fun, but the fact she hasn’t left yet is starting to annoy me” is not nice guy behavior. Who knew? I try to make up for my morally bankrupt existence through my culinary endeavors. Who’s to say that cooking a meal worthy of Jesus, Moses, Mohammed or Yoda can’t redeem oneself? This blackened catfish should at least temporarily make up for my blackened heart. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, southern, spicy | Tagged: bad boy, bang, banging, black pepper, blacked catfish recipe, blackeded heart catfish, butter, Cajun catfish recipe, catfish, cayenne pepper, creole, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jesus, kitchen, lemon aphrodisiac, libido, lousiana, marinate, mohammed, moses, naked, New Orleans, nice guy, pan-fry, paprika, recipe, red wine vinegar, salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, southern, spicy, star wars, tasty, yoda, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 