May 31, 2011
Eat enough of this salad and you'll be like Popeye, banging Olive Oil until Wimpy hits you up for more burger money.
The object to any CTB meal is to wow your date into submitting to your carnal cravings. Their heads’ gotta spin like a GI Joe helicoptering after you twist him around until the rubber band almost snaps. Serve something forgettable, and you can forget any extracurricular activities. I don’t even waste my time with anything that might as well have been nuked from a Hungry Man Dinner. You shouldn’t either unless you prefer servicing yourself rather than have a smoking hot bombshell do it for you. Take this spinach salad. Sure I could have assembled a pre-made package in the time it would take to prematurely ejaculate (at least you’d get off). But a spinach salad that tastes like an angel floated down, fed you, and then gave you a reach around is more my speed. I wager those of you who enjoy similar celestial satisfaction will agree. Read the rest of this entry »
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healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: angelic, angels, bacon, bang, banging, black pepper, bombshell, carnal cravings, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, feta cheese, food, game changer, get laid, gi joe, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, helicopter, homemade, hungry man dinner, intercourse, kitchen, libido, makes head spinach salad, memorable, microwave, mushrooms, naked, premature ejaculation, recipe, rogerings, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach salad recipe, tasty, toss your salad, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 16, 2011
Leave 'em beggin' for bacon
In the immortal words of lady hip hop divas TLC, “I ain’t too proud to beg!” Good to know. Because that is the attitude you should inspire in your dates. The most effective way to do that is to blow their goddamn minds with mind-blowing nibbles. Between good eats and being a great lay, you will brainwash them. They will be begging you for another taste. It’s like a harem full of opium addicts. Only your fix will give them the satisfaction they require. Wrap it up tight in meaty goodness. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bacon, bacon-wrapped shrimp recipe, bang, banging, beggin’ wrapped shrimp, begging, brainwash, delicious, DIY, easy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harem, homemade, honey, I ain’t too proud to beg, intercourse, jumbo shrimp, kitchen, libido, naked, nibble, opium addicts, recipe, sea salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, tapas, tasty, tlc, turkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 25, 2011
Oodles of naughty noodles
This salad’s got everything you need for simple satisfaction. I’m talking the whole tit and caboodle. Sure it looks simple, but the flavor shall dance on your tongue and tickle your balls/girly parts. This is a new member of my salad repertoire, but goddamn does it bring out the smiles! Refreshing, light, and totally tasty. Come summertime, you will be glad you have this in your arsenal. Few dishes will refuel as cleanly after sweaty summer sex. You’re welcome! Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, chili, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kit and caboodle, kitchen, leafy, lettuce, libido, light, naked, nuoc cham recipe, orange, recipe, refreshing, repertoire, rice noodles, rice vinegar, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sugar, summer, sweaty summer sex, tasty, tickle your balls, tit and caboodle noodle salad, toss your salad, Vietnam, Vietnamese dipping sauce, Vietnamese noodle salad recipe, water, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 14, 2011
Get blazing with an amazing glazing.
The only way to be a true player is to wow your date into submission. It needs to be clear that not banging you is their loss. That requires excellence in all that you do. Cooking is an obvious extension of the pursuit of perfection. Nail one or two recipes and you have a repertoire perfect for attracting and seducing new play pals. It’s those little things they will remember and recount to their friends when they are gabbing over coffee or cosmos. So you want to be the centerpiece of conversation singing your accolades rather than picking apart your extension flaws. A good first impression on their mouth can outshine even your ruthless lothario instincts. So be amazing at all times. Glaze some scallops with tangy temptation, and then kick back and let their attraction boil over. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: accolades, aphrodisiac, attraction, bang, banging, Be amazed glazed scallops, calivirgin, coffee, cosmos, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, glazed, glazed scallops recipe, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, honey lemon glazed scallops, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, lothario, marinate, naked, olive oil, onion, player, recipe, repertoire, salt, sauté, scallops, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, submission, sweet, tangy, tasty, temptation, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 2, 2011
Roquefort and Roll out of bed after a night of unspeakable acts.
This salad will rock her world. It will also rock his world. And its world should your dog eat it before you can. It’s like a techno dance party in your mouth. Each complimentary flavor will have the chance to bust a move on your tongue’s dance floor. The tart of the lemon will give a shout out to the creamy Roquefort who kicks it over to the endive ditty on out to the crispety crunchety apple who tips its hat to the tangy cranberry bossa nova. No one is immune to the uncontrollable taste bud tango. This is a great way to warm the evening up with a little bit of this and whole lot of that. Warning: those allergic to edible orgasms should steer clear if you know what’s good for you. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apple, avocado, bang, bleu cheese, bust a move, cherry tomatoes, delicious, DIY, dried cranberries, easy, edible orgasm, endives, France, french, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, naked, olive oil, recipe, Roquefort cheese, Roquefort cheese endive salad, seduce, sex, spinach, taste bud tango, tasty, techno dance party, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 28, 2011
This is one type of blood you would never fear.
Blood oranges are bulbous citrus-filled orgasms. They bring me more joy than I can possibly articulate with earthly language. Suffice to say that everything they touch gets better and classier. The fact you don’t have any in your kitchen makes me question your commitment to your libido. Now’s your chance to earn my respect back: truck on over to the store to get what’s yours. Got some now? Good. We may proceed with mixing up a sexsational cocktail that will leaving your date begging for more. I fully expect you to take credit for inventing this drink. Your date will be all the more impressed that you are a master mixologist in addition to being a cunning linguist with your cunnilingus. Now make it rainy, you bloody bastard! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: alcohol, bang, banging, blood orangasmic martini, blood orange, blood orange martini, booze, citrus, cocktail, cunning linguist, delicious, DIY, drink, drunk, earthly language, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gin, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, libation lubrication, libido, lime, martini, mixologist, naked, orgasm, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexsational, tasty, tonic water, vitamin c, vodka, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 17, 2011
There's polenty of room for two, but we'll make room for your cute friend.
What are you worrying about? We have plenty of room. So what if my place is small? I ain’t rich…yet. Besides, Cozy = Cosmic Connection. Our auras will be touching. Aura friction is just what you need to cheer up over the state of the economy. Just think of me as the spark to jolt you back into positivity. Now come on into my cramp little slice of heaven and make yourself comfy. Enjoy this little something I whipped up to show you, there is indeed Polenty of Room or Two. My bedroom is just down the hall. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, aura friction, bang, banging, black pepper, cosmic connection, delicious, DIY, easy, economy, finger food, first, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grapes, green onion, guarantee, heaven, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, maple syrup, naked, olive oil, polenta, polenta with spinach and grapes, polenty of room for two recipe, positivity, recipe, salt, sauté, sautéed polenta recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 29, 2010
You will become possessed by the deviled eggs!
The devil sometimes gets a bad rap. Granted the guy is a total dick with his evil powers of manipulation and intentions to enslave mankind. But all those insipid qualities aside, the guy is a smooth operator. One thing I can tell you is the great evil one can cook like the devil. I saw it first hand in a Devil Gone Down to Georgia showdown. Apparently my cooking and banging has gotten his attention. He challenged me after one of my successful evenings cooking up a feast for a delectable date and the inevitable banging that followed. It was Iron Chef in hell. The judges gave us one hour to create a 4-course meal out of this gelatinous food staple of the Underworld called Gorvax. Gorvax is from the potato family, except it is 600 degrees F straight out of volcanic ash and contains barbs sharp enough to cut steel. Naturally the competition was a massive stress ball thanks to the crazy undead camera crew sticking their lenses in my face and cooking station. But I kept faith in myself and cooked my heart out not worrying about the horned one. That devil was so shocked I beat him with my Gorvax 4 four ways, including the Gorvax a la mode with caramelized sugar. I was surprised as you are that the devil did not welsh on our bet. He handed over this recipe for Deviled Eggs that is all the rage among homemakers in hell. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: appetizer, bang, crab meat, crab stuffed deviled eggs, delicious, Deviled eggs recipe, dijon mustard, easy, egg whites, eggs, finger food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, mayonnaise, naked, paprika, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, southern, starter, tasty, yolk, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 28, 2010
Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!
The seedy, juicy, messy Biblical fruit has invaded my kitchen. This so-called super fruit is fabled to combat cancer, heart disease and ugliness. The juice stains deep red so it has to be the mark of something special, right? Naturally, wanting to make sure my readers are not only sexually satisfied, but healthy enough to enjoy the vigorous exercise associated with banging, I am bringing the pomegranate into the COOK TO BANG fold. The seeds are a challenge to set free, but the joy they bring with each bite make them well worth the trouble. It’s not unlike removing a stubborn bra: you may jam your finger in an effort to set free a pair of glorious juggernauts. A little extra effort will pay off dividends when your date is touched by your concern for their health. Come dessert time it will be paid forward and hopefully again for breakfast. Now go on and shake it until you make it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, biblical, bra, calivirgin, cancer, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, feta cheese, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, health, healthy, heart disease, homemade, intercourse, juggernauts, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, pay it forward, pear, pomegranate, pomegranate pear feta salad recipe, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, roughage, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexually satisfied, shake your pom pomegranate salad recipe, super food, tasty, ugliness, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 17, 2010
Behold the tower of porn...flakes.
Cue the 70’s porn funk as you stroll into the room. You got that sexy someone in one arm, an armful of cornflake magic in the other. The only thing holding you back is your fragile sense of morals. Toss them aside onto the shag carpeting and become the porn star you always wanted to be. Remember on career day in middle school when everyone announced plans to be doctors, firemen and an account like my dad? Not you. You announced to your aghast teacher and clueless classmates that you would be delivering money shots on cue from 5 different angles while stroking your mustache. So what if that didn’t technically work out? No harm in pretending so long as you have a willing partner. But that’s why you have the Porn-Flake Friskees, to lure in your co-star. Lights, camera, BANG! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, RECIPES, southern, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: 70’s porn, amateur, bang, butter, career day, cookie, cornflake, cornflake krispie recipe, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, food, fruit, fruity cornflake krispie, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, marshmallow, money shot, morals, mustache, naked, porn, Porn-flake friskees recipe, porno, pornography, pornstar, recipe, seduce, sex, shag carpeting, strawberries, sugary, sweets, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 