April 16, 2015
Bear fruit before you bare all
You should know better. This salad is reserved for the harvest Gods. But you eat it anyway. Sinner. Man should not have access to a salad this powerful. The discovery of this recipe is akin to Prometheus giving man fire. Sure I’ll have to wash a mountain of dishes for all eternity, but knowing you might serve this to a hot date makes it all worth it. Ye shall reap the glory from this culinary gem heretofore unattainable. It’s the only ammunition you’ll need for a successful conquest. The Forbidden Fruit Salad has delivered for me on more than on occasion, sexing up a few dull BREAKFASTS and lunches. This represents one of my favorite fruit combinations, but I encourage you to try your favorite. Did I mention this ultra-healthy salad will make certain bodily secretions taste way better? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
March 30, 2015
This entree is dreamier than all the boy bands mixed together in a blender.
This fish is as dreamy as a 1950’s teen hearthrob. All the girls in poodle skirts want a chance to go to the drive-in with this Indonesian delight. It’s so dreamy, so steamy, so extremey! There’s a do wop band already concocting a song about that “Steamy, dreamy fish…do wop tra la la la you got your wish!” It’s taking the world by storm. Don’t you want to fit in with the popular crowd? Then I suggest you invite the captain of the football team or cheerleading squad over for dinner pronto. This aphrodisiac triple-threat is a hell of a lot healthier than that microwave dinner. Classier too! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: 1950’s icon, aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, cilantro, delicious, DIY, do wop band, dreamy steamy fish recipe, drive-in, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, healthy, homemade, Indonesia, Indonesian, intercourse, kitchen, libido, microwave dinner, naked, poodle skirt, popular crowd, recipe, red snapper, salt, scallions, sea bass, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, soft fish, soft tofu, soy sauce, spicy, steam, tasty, white pepper, wok, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 26, 2015
Hummus = Hummer, simple as that
Bing bang boom! When you hear that sound, you know it’s on. It’s pretty much on as soon as your date sees you make homemade hummus. They will be puzzled at the simplicity, your mastery of the food blender, and this uncanny ability to serve them exactly what they want. Don’t question the logic. Go with it giving your most defiant stare of FUCK YEAH! There’s no need to say anything. The creamy, flavor-packed Middle Eastern condom-ment will say it for you. Your date will innately understand that they have a goddamn legend-in-the-making on their hands and acquiesce to your most perverted demands. See you in the Elysian Fields! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, Arabic, bang, banging, basil, delicious, DIY, easy, elysian fields, fast, finger food, food, game changer, garbanzo beans, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hummunna hummunna hummus recipe, intercourse, Israeli, kitchen, lemon, libido, Middle Eastern, naked, olive oil, Palestinian, pita bread, puree, recipe, red pepper hummus recipe, roasted red peppers, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 26, 2015
Naughty Mahi, what a tasty whore!
There are a lot of slutty fish out there. The puffer fish for one has been known to service just about anything aquatic with a pulse. But no fish is quite so whorish as the mahi mahi. Known to some as the dolphin fish, mahi mahi takes after their sex-crazed mammal namesake. Dolphins are known to attempt banging humans, but dolphin fish manage to pull it off and usually on camera for a couple of fish. I can imagine the Animal Planet viewers reading this believe I am making this up. To these naysayers I warn, “Enter the water at your own peril…or pleasure.” Getting molested by a large fish isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. First, you risk drowning long before you reach orgasm. Second, you can be sure the dolphin fish will never call you again. Don’t buy that it’s because fish don’t own phones. The bastard could certainly borrow a phone from a fisherman or something. But in spite of the slut factor of mahi mahi, they taste mighty fine. Mahi mahi doesn’t require much prep time so there’s no need to wait like you would for some tease to put out until date 3. Throw in some sautéed veggies, PAPAYA SALSA and avocado and your date will take on the trampy qualities so beloved in the Naughty Mahi. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, costa rican, fusion, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: avocado, bang, costa rica, costa rican, delicious, dinner, DIY, dolphin fish, easy, entree, fajitas, fish, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, impressive, intercourse, kitchen, limejuice, Mahi mahi recipe, main course, naked, olive oil, onion, pan seared mahi mahi, papaya salsa, pepper, protein, recipe, red bell pepper, salt, sautéed vegetable, seafood, seduce, sex, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 5, 2015
You are capable of anything and everything. I believe in you!
Achieving goals comes down realizing you are capable of anything with enough effort, planning and luck. That is especially true when it comes to banging. Too many suckers assume they are incapable of pulling some prime tail because they’re not rich or handsome or funny. Those are all excuses that make you part of the beta majority. Be bold! I approach everything from my career to my food to my women with bravado and swagger. Fuck the critics (I have many) who say it’s better to give up and accept the 2nd place fruit basket! Take this recipe. I felt like I hit my culinary creativity wall the other night. A new girl was en route to my house and I hadn’t figured out yet how to knock her socks (and panties) off with my grub. I’m not about to let me rep as Mr. Cook To Bang suffer so I went big. I grabbed random ingredients to create what my instincts were telling me would be outstanding. It was the right call. My date had never eaten anything like it. The spicy, sweet combination got her sweating long before I closed the deal. She was incapable of saying no. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: Anaheim chili, bake, bang, banging, beta, black pepper, bravado, calivirgin, capable maple squash recipe, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fruit basket, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hot, incapable, intercourse, kitchen, libido, majority, maple syrup, naked, olive oil, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, spicy, spicy sweet squash recipe, sucker, swagger, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yellow squash, yummy, zucchini | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 17, 2014
Sexy commies gone vegan! Don’t tell Stalin…
Hello, comrades! I speak of course to the Russian women I have had the pleasure of. There is something about that accent that brings up all my childhood Cold War fears and translates them into lust. No doubt, their Soviet bloc childhoods taught them how to survive so they are as tough as they are hot. Not a wilting flower in the bunch. Banging someone tougher than you are can challenge your ego. But I welcome the challenge since the payoff makes my babushka spin. What better way to lure them in than the classic Russian dish, borscht? This Commie red soup hits the spot and nourishes the people. Even if your culinary conquest isn’t Russian, make them your comrade for the night. I’m back in the USSR! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, russian, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beets, carrots, cold war, commie, communism, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, HOT LIQUID LOVE, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, parsley, potatoes, puree, recipe, red cabbage, rosemary, Russia, russian, salt, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, sour cream, soviet, tasty, ussr, vegan, vegan borscht recipe, vegetable stock, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 5, 2014
Reap the harvest you sow in your date’s loins!
Or was that destruction? These toasted pumpkin seeds will no doubt help get your seduction going; any resistance to your charms will be obliterated. Crunchy, spicy, and totally thrilling. What a perfect use for ingredients most folks toss away with less concern than for a used condom. Tis unfortunate because pumpkin seeds can provide a great nibble while you whip up the rest of your feast. That way you won’t leave your culinary conquest chomping at the bit. They will be satisfied from the get go with your amazing kitchen feats. So long as you follow them up with a little razzle-dazzle on a plate, you will have succeeded at planting the seeds of seduction that will sprout from their mouth all the way down to their loins. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, southern, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, bar food, boil, Cajun seasoning, calivirgin, crunchy, culinary conquest, delicious, destruction, DIY, easy, finger food, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin seeds of seduction, razzle dazzle, recipe, salad topping, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snack, spicy, spicy pumpkin seeds, starter, tasty, toast, toasted pumpkin seeds recipe, topping, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 19, 2014
Do I wanna? You damn skippy!
Do I wanna Havana? It’s been a dream of mine since I was a small child. Seriously, I picture myself in the long long ago era of Havana’s heyday drinking mojitos on the street and puffing on fat cigars. Cuban girls, a preferred pastime of mine, my version of baseball, bring out the happy happy in me. So yes, absolutely I wanna Havana. Too bad I’m an American with that 50 year-old embargo cock-blocking my Havana cabana-existence. So I must resort to other means. Namely serving Cuban style avocado salad to the Cuban girls and hoping to not piss off Castro brothers in the process. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cuban, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, black pepper, calivirgin, castro brothers, cherry tomatoes, cock-blocking, cuba, Cuban avocado salad recipe, Cuban cigars, delicious, DIY, easy, embargo, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, Havana, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, latin, lemon, libido, light, mojitos, naked, olive oil, pastime, quick, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, toss, vegan, vegetarian, wanna Havana salad, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 3, 2014
Butterball butternut bust-a-nut
Cook To Bang is nothing without its readership. If a recipe helps someone bang in the woods and no one is there to film it, does it make a moaning sound? I’ll leave that to the philosophers far wiser than me to answer. A massive shout out is due to my man DJ JD of Ottawa, Canada for this recipe. Homeboy came through with a unique and outstanding recipe when I needed it most. I make a point of not dating vegans since they severely limit my palette. But this particular vegan’s beauty is outclassed only by her cheeky personality. Naturally, a classy specimen of humanity deserves a little leeway. So after racking my sex-addled brain for a vegan recipe, I found JD’s email and took it for a test drive. Hot damn! This butternut squash soup made both our heads spin with glee. The vegan vixen was more than pleased. If Cooking To Bang was an Olympic event, JD just won the gold. CUE “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, black pepper, butter-my-nuts squash soup, butternut squash, butternut squash soup recipe, calivirgin, Canada, classy, coconut milk, curry powder, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gold medal, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homeboy, homemade, HOT LIQUID LOVE, humanity, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, oh Canada, olive oil, Olympics, onion, Ottawa, palette, personality, philosophers, readership, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex-addled, soup, specimen, tasty, Vancouver, vegan, vegetable stock, vegetarian, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 17, 2014
Even prissy vegans can indulge in this walk on the wild side.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. At least that is what nutritionists keep telling me. Perhaps these know-it-alls with their charts and lab coats and rosy cheeks are right. Filling your gullet with kickass nutrients prepares you for any crazy $%&@ thrown your way. Eat a solid breakfast and you will be able to catch a blimp on fire hurtling down to the earth with your pinkie finger. Sounds about right. So here’s an uber-healthy recipe with protein to the extreme with plenty of fiber and lycopene without that Fatty McGee you get with scrambling eggs. You will be prepared to stop a flamingo stampede heading straight for a bus full of kindergartners, or at the very least, Cook and Bang your date from last night like a superhero. Now you just have to work on your secret identity, you Sex Crazy Mofo! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, healthy, Japanese, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, blimp, breakfast, delicious, DIY, easy, firm tofu, flamingo, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, low fat, lycopene, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, nutritionist, nutritious, onion, protein, recipe, seduce, sex, sex crazy mofo, superhero, tasty, Tofu scramble recipe, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 