June 14, 2013
I’m sure you’ll chase these bunnies down the rabbit hole
Celebrate like a proper American. Freedom, baby, yeah! Indulge in all your liberties, including those only legal in certain Nevada counties. While I personally don’t pay to bang (I cook, remember?), I certainly exchange goods (my awesome food) for sexual favors. Make your own backyard into your bunny ranch. If you are good enough, perhaps you can bang the local cougars for quick cash while they send their hubbies out for more hamburger buns. This simple drink is perfect for drinking all day in the sun with those you wish to bang. It’s especially enjoyable floating in a pool surrounded by hard bodies. So relax from all your labors and drink up. How else will we pull ourselves out of recession?
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $10
Eating Buddy: Any GRILLED GOODIES
Ingredients (per drink):
1. 2 shots silver tequila
2. Club soda
3. Ice
4. ½ lime
5. 1 small handful mint leaves
6. 2 STRAWBERRIES
Step 1
Fill each glass halfway up with ice. Squeeze ½ a lime into each, dropping the rinds into cup. Crush the strawberries in your hands and drop into the class. Toss in a small handful of mint leaves. Pour in the tequila. Fill the rest of the glass with club soda and top each glass up with ice.
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: alcohol, America, backyard, bang, banging, bbq, booze, bunny ranch water recipe, Carson city, club soda, cougars, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilling, guarantee, hard bodies, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, labor day, libation lubrication, libido, lime, mint, moonlite bunny ranch, naked, Nevada, pool, ranch water recipe, recipe, refreshing, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberries, tasty, tequila, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
June 12, 2013
Abra Bang-dabra!
POOF! Hear that? It’s the sound of a bra disappearing. Straight into thin air. Never seen anything like it. There was this art chick I invited home for food after a gallery party comparing my sandwich to Green Eggs and Ham. But then the avant-garde skeptic stopped making deranged metaphors and took a big green bite…POOOF! Her entire top vanished by the time she finished the first half of the sandwich. The second half was powerful enough to finish the job on her, and then make my pantaloons implode in a supernova. The curse of unnecessary clothing that baffled nerdy scientists for centuries has now been eradicated with the enchanted aphrodisiac PESTO (basil, pine nuts).
MAGIC 1 – SCIENCE 0
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $10
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a SLUTTY TEMPLE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
2. Mayonnaise to spread at your discretion
3. 2 tablespoons of PESTO
4. 2 sandwich rolls
5. ½ an AVOCADO sliced
6. 1 tomato sliced thinly
7. 1 large chicken breast
Step 1
Flatten the chicken breast with a mallet or your fists of fury. Spread 1 tablespoon of pesto on one side of the chicken. Warm up the olive oil in a pan and throw down the chicken pesto side down. Spread the rest of the pesto on the topside of the chicken. Cook through, flipping once using spatula to keep pesto crust on the bird (approx 3 minutes per side). Cut the tasty green meat in half.
Step 2
Split the bread roll horizontally, leaving the corner of the bread intact. Spread mayo or your condom-ment of your choice over the bread and stuff it with the pesto chicken, tomatoes and avocado. Close up shop, slice it in half and serve stat.
Make that clothing vanish like a magician.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: art, avant garde, avocado, bang, basil, bread, chicken, chicken sandwich, condiments, condom-ments, delicious, DIY, dr Seuss, easy, gallery, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green, green eggs and ham, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, mayonnaise, naked, no clothes, olive oil, pesto, Pesto chicken sandwich recipe, pine nuts, poof, recipe, rolls, seduce, sex, supernova, tasty, tomato, vanish, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 10, 2013
If you’re looking for trouble, you’ve come to the right site.
If you’re looking at this site, you are most certainly asking for trouble. This is not a nice blog to share with your grandmother. Perhaps your mom, if she’s open-minded or a hot MILF. The Cook To Bang staff warns you that our content may cause increased heart rate and libido. But can you blame us? We are all hopped up on this Atkins-friendly low-carb protein-blast salad. Every bite brings us closer to walking confidentially in thongs in South Beach. We employed the countless fad diets and a massive dose of steroids to make us beach ready. You’re wondering if the risks to my health and mental state for bedlam rock-star food orgies were worth it. You think this hot ass and glistening bedroom muscles are some accident?
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Crisp white wine
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. Raspberry Vinaigrette (your discretion)
2. 1 tbsp BBQ sauce
3. 1 tbsp olive oil
4. 1 dash black pepper
5. ½ lb. ground meat (beef or turkey)
6. 2 handfuls of fresh spinach
7. 1 handful carrots shredded
8. 1 hard-boiled egg
9. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
10. 1 handful cilantro chopped coarsely
11. 1 handful green onions chopped coarsely
Step 1
Assemble the patties by combining the meat, cilantro, green onions, black pepper and BBQ sauce. Press them into 2 flat round patties.
Step 2
Place the salad with spinach on bottom, carrots above, slices of hard-boiled egg and finally avocado.
Step 3
Grill or pan-fry the patties with olive oil until they are golden brown, flipping once (approx 5 min). Serve on top of the salad. Apply dressing at your discretion.
This SALAD is hearty enough to qualify as an ENTREE, and did I mention meaty?
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asking for trouble, atkins, atkins for trouble burger salad, avocado, bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq sauce, bedroom muscles, black pepper, burger salad recipe, carbs, carrots, cilantro, delicious, DIY, dr. atkins, easy, egg, fad diets, food, food orgies, food orgy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, greens, grill, ground beef, ground turkey, guarantee, hard-boiled, homemade, hot ass, intercourse, kitchen, libido, milf, naked, olive oil, raspberry vinaigrette, recipe, rock star, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, south beach, south beach diet, spinach, steroids, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 31, 2013
We scream for sex dreams!
Ever had post-banging munchies so severe you considered eating an entire package of edible panties? It’s a goddamn epidemic! Evasive action is necessary to replenish those calories you burned in the throes of unbridled lust. Since few people have enough raspberry flavored underwear, might I point you in the way of the kitchen? It’s that room that some people put food in. The quickest way to return to the task at hand is speed and efficiency. You want the most flavor per time allotted. Nothing cools you down after steamy summer sex like an ice cream sandwich crowned with strawberries. So get back to the screaming, dreaming and orgasm-gleaming! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, summer, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: bang, banging, chocolate chip cookie, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fast, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, I scream you scream sinwich recipe, ice cream sandwich recipe, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, on the go, post-coital, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberries, sweet, tasty, unbridled lust, vanilla ice cream, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 29, 2013
If some asks if you have balls, assure them you got plenty flavored with ponzu sauce
Looking for a side dish that will steal the show and make your guests go “Ooh ooh!”? Look no further than this Japanese/Israeli fusion. Truth be told, I ate it a fancy restaurant that served seared ahi strips over it. The tuna was aight, but the couscous smacked me in the face and left me smiling 7+ years after the fact. Sadly, this restaurant shut down shortly thereafter. So I was left with little choice but attempt to recreate it in my own kitchen. I’m certainly glad that I did because this little side has been wowing girls ever since. Repeat CTB dates will often demand I whip up a batch, even if I’m serving PASTA. Apparently it left more of an impression that my naked body did after the meal. Fair enough. So long as one of my dishes pulls in repeat visitors willing to gratify my ego and libido alike, I will always have enough ingredients on hand should they be called for. And with that, I must whip up another batch because the ponzu couscous-hungry zombies have surrounded my house once more. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | asian, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, fusion, healthy, Japanese, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, banging, carboluscious, couscous, delicious, DIY, easy, ego, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, giant pearl couscous, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Israeli, Japanese, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, ooh ooh, Ponzu couscous recipe, ponzu sauce, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, side dish, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy, zombies | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 28, 2013
Summer rolling with the homies
Summertime calls for lighter fare so we can hone our buns, abs and groins of steel. Gone are the big coats that hide our blubbery bits. If you want to bang you gotta look bangable. So it’s time to put the dairy and beef products aside and get healthy. Vegan food can be boring if you let it. But how many obese vegans do you know? My advice is to embrace the Asian fusion hippie party time. Be sure your date notices how cultured and sensitive you are. Play it off like you’ve gone green, instead of just greedy for more banging. If you want to roll in the hay, you better start rolling. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Asia, asian, bang, banging, delicious, DIY, East, easy, flavorful, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger onion, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, mint, mushrooms, naked, orient, recipe, rice paper wraps, roll in the hay, seduce, sex, shredded coconut, spring rolls, summer rolls, tasty, tofu, tofu summer rolls recipe, vegan, vegetarian, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 25, 2013
Turkey turns ‘em on, then turns ‘em out. Yeow!
Hamburgers are not normally considered sexy, but they are a damn tasty staple of the American diet. Turkey meat however is leaner, meaner and greener. The protein does you right plus there’s less fat and twice the flavor when cooked right. My thanks go out to the Native Americans for turning the Pilgrims onto this precious bird (sorry about taking your land and all). The fire charring the meat empowers the caveman in every male chef. The lady chef or date can enjoy this tasty piece of the American dream and not worry about the dish going straight to her thighs. When you bit into the center and find the goat cheese goodness, a choir of angels with trumpets shall inspire a tryst of the kinkiest order. I tried a similar dish at a bourgeois New York restaurant priced somewhere upwards of $25. The bill hurt my wallet, but my palette was well satisfied and my brain full of inspiration. This summertime dish always leads to good times and enough erotic memories to last me through winter. 
Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, dairy, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, poultry, RECIPES, summer | Tagged: avocado, bang, bbq, burger, delicious, fire, food, goat cheese, gourmet, gourmet turkey burger, grill, grillin' like a villain, hamburger buns, healthy, hot, love, lust, manly, masculine, onion, recipe, romance, sandwich, scallion, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, tomato, turkey | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
