November 10, 2014
I'm fixin' for a vixen!
I should have known better. Vegan girls are always trouble. And it’s not just because they are a pain in the ass to feed. There’s something kooky in anyone who limits their culinary possibilities so severely. Maybe they need to take a few classes at an online cooking school to learn that food is not the enemy. But the upside is the rarity of obese vegans. Harmony was certainly no exception. She’s yoga master flex, hence me taking an interest. Picking up one’s yoga instructor is a delicate dance. The last thing you want to do is crash and burn, too humiliated to return to a class you enjoyed. I overheard Harmony gab on about her vegan diet and the explosive orgasms she enjoyed as a result, so I rocked the vegan angle. Post-yoga vegan soup on a cold Sunday evening? Harmony was on it, and on me after she sucked down my soup. Home girl demonstrated yoga possibilities I had never even wet-dreamed of. Now we have a regular Sunday Cirque du Vegan: I cook; she defies and gratifies gravity. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, hippie, HOT LIQUID LOVE, irish, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: bang, banging, black pepper, calivirgin, cirque du soleil, delicious, DIY, easy, explosive orgasms, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gravity, guarantee, harmony, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, kooky, libido, naked, obese, olive oil, onion, possibilities, potato, puree, radish, recipe, saffron, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, tasty, vegan, vegan soup, vegan vixen soup recipe, vegetable stock, vegetarian, vixen, white wine vinegar, winter, yoga instructor, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
October 3, 2014
Butterball butternut bust-a-nut
Cook To Bang is nothing without its readership. If a recipe helps someone bang in the woods and no one is there to film it, does it make a moaning sound? I’ll leave that to the philosophers far wiser than me to answer. A massive shout out is due to my man DJ JD of Ottawa, Canada for this recipe. Homeboy came through with a unique and outstanding recipe when I needed it most. I make a point of not dating vegans since they severely limit my palette. But this particular vegan’s beauty is outclassed only by her cheeky personality. Naturally, a classy specimen of humanity deserves a little leeway. So after racking my sex-addled brain for a vegan recipe, I found JD’s email and took it for a test drive. Hot damn! This butternut squash soup made both our heads spin with glee. The vegan vixen was more than pleased. If Cooking To Bang was an Olympic event, JD just won the gold. CUE “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, black pepper, butter-my-nuts squash soup, butternut squash, butternut squash soup recipe, calivirgin, Canada, classy, coconut milk, curry powder, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gold medal, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homeboy, homemade, HOT LIQUID LOVE, humanity, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, oh Canada, olive oil, Olympics, onion, Ottawa, palette, personality, philosophers, readership, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex-addled, soup, specimen, tasty, Vancouver, vegan, vegetable stock, vegetarian, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 17, 2014
Even prissy vegans can indulge in this walk on the wild side.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. At least that is what nutritionists keep telling me. Perhaps these know-it-alls with their charts and lab coats and rosy cheeks are right. Filling your gullet with kickass nutrients prepares you for any crazy $%&@ thrown your way. Eat a solid breakfast and you will be able to catch a blimp on fire hurtling down to the earth with your pinkie finger. Sounds about right. So here’s an uber-healthy recipe with protein to the extreme with plenty of fiber and lycopene without that Fatty McGee you get with scrambling eggs. You will be prepared to stop a flamingo stampede heading straight for a bus full of kindergartners, or at the very least, Cook and Bang your date from last night like a superhero. Now you just have to work on your secret identity, you Sex Crazy Mofo! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, healthy, Japanese, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, blimp, breakfast, delicious, DIY, easy, firm tofu, flamingo, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, low fat, lycopene, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, nutritionist, nutritious, onion, protein, recipe, seduce, sex, sex crazy mofo, superhero, tasty, Tofu scramble recipe, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 10, 2014
Get ready for some non-spaghetti in beddy!
This one goes out to all the sexy singles marching blindly to Atkins’ carb-free tune. Myself included. All this cooking and banging has put a hold on my underwear-modeling career. But only temporarily! I’m coming back hotter and more in your face awesome than ever. Healthy food is always the sexiest. We’ll skip the carbohydrated pasta in favor of nature’s non-processed solution. Spaghetti squash is an adventure of ingenuity and texture. It takes to a pasta sauce like a hooker to a free bag of crack. This simple sauté recipe should set you right. But pesto would convince just as many of your dates to drop trow. Now get roasting, my health-minded friends. I’m hitting the gym to work on my glutes. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, italian, IT’S ON!-TREES, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, atkins, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, calivirgin, carbohydrates, crack, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, low-carb, naked, non-processed, olive oil, parmesan cheese, recipe, red cabbage, roast, salt, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spaghetti squash, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 5, 2014
Once you go Greek, you don’t go back…unless you’re squeamish
The Greeks sure know how to live. They have amazing islands, beautiful tan people and ouzo that pours out of every faucet. Seriously. I actually took an ouzo shower in Mykonos. But the shower was in a club and my Greek friends were pouring it over my head. My first thought was I had pissed off one of the girls by telling her she looks like the homely older sister of the goddess Athena. Thankfully this goddess-like mortal didn’t lose my sarcasm in translation. The ouzo shower was her mating call. Naturally the boorish American read it wrong thinking I had offended her. Believe it or not, that happens a lot. It took a few more alcoholic hosings and a passionate kiss on the dance floor to finally get it. I was crystal clear as the Mediterranean Sea when she led me down to the beach like a Trojan horse. Now I fully comprehend what it means to go Greek. Interesting. What’s also interesting is the island nation’s produce. Super healthy, tasty Greek Salads will fuel many ouzo shower-filled evenings. Do Zeus proud and go Greek! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | greek, LEAFY & LOVELY, Mediterranean, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: Athena, Athens, balsamic vinegar, bang, cucumber, delicious, Dionysius, dish, easy, fast, feta cheese, game changer, garlic, get laid, going Greek, gourmet, Greece, Greek dressing, Greek salad, Greek salad recipe, green pepper, guarantee, healthy, healthy salad, heart healthy, intercourse, kalamata olives, kitchen, lunch, meal, Mediterranean, naked, oregano, recipe, red onion, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, yummy, Zeus | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 29, 2014
If this can’t breathe some heat into your fall…you best get used to a cold empty bed.
Hold on tight to the memories. The warmth of the air made it unnecessary for people to wear layer upon layer of clothing. Summer flings are winding down, or in some cased winding up…for the long winter that lies ahead. Bikinis and mankinis are being put away in boxes to collect dust, dry as a bone. Can you blame us for being a tad wistful over the season we left behind? Fall’s great with the accessories (I’m partial to sweaters), but just for now, with this pineapple in my hand, I’m keeping things warm and shimmery. The succulent pineapple meat charred over fire sends me right back to that moment on the beach, laying post-coital on a hammock with a local lovely feeding me freshly grilled pineapple. So yeah, bring your own special memory of summer back with a vengeance. Chances are the lucky someone you grill this pineapple for has their own wicked summer senses to reignite. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | asian, Caribbean, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq, Bbq pineapple recipe, bbq sauce, bikini, char, charcoal, coleman, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, grill, grilled pineapple recipes, guarantee, hammock, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, last gasp, libido, local, mankini, marinade, memories, naked, pineapple, post-coital, propane, recipe, savory, seduce, SEDUCTION, sense, sex, side dish, succulent, summer, sweet, tasty, wicked, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 17, 2014
Salsa your way across the dancefloor to the snack table for more salsa!
This recipe comes courtesy of Derek in Denver, CO. This badass tomatillo salsa recipe has been scoring him smoking hot granola girls by the bakers dozen. Derek writes:
Salsa salsa salsa! Nothing like a simple a perfect combination of Mexican spices, flavors, and cajones to inspire some sexy time. We got the right amount of flavor and heat without sending anyone home crying for their mommies. And this will come in handy as you lay out your finest game. I find that this recipe is all that and a bag of chips. Tortilla chips. I hope your readers enjoy as much I have enjoyed the fairer sex of Colorado! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, mexican, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bakers dozen, bang, banging, boil, cilantro, Colorado, delicious, denver, Derek, DIY, easy, fairer sex, flavorful, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, granola girls, green onions, guarantee, heat, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, limes, mexican, mexico, mix, mommies, naked, puree, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, spicy, tasty, tomatillo salsa recipe, tomatillos, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 15, 2014
Prescription-strength delicious
It’s party time! The night is full of possibilities. You have your date lined up. You are pretty sure things are good to go. So don’t leave the cocktails to chance. Class wherever you’re going up with some watermelon ice cubes. You can turn a boring vodka soda into a superbly subtle recipe for delectable debauchery. Watermelon is a bonafide aphrodisiac that has the same compounds that Viagra offers to get guys’ pistons firing at full speed. The juicy melon is mostly water, with a refreshing flavor that does your body right. Allow the cube to melt and the watermelon particles break away, turbo-charging your drink for the night ahead. If an erection lasts for more than four hours…go with it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, bang, booze, chilly, cocktail, cold, cube, delicious, drunk, easy, fancy, frozen, fruity, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, ice, intercourse, kitchen, mixer, naked, natural, new years eve, party, recipe, refreshing, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sweet, Viagra, watermelon, Watermelon ice cubes, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 7, 2014
Polenta them down, all the way to the ground.
Sometimes you have to take decisive action to get your freak on. That means going all in like in a high stakes game of poker and laying it all on the line. Well, perhaps that analogy is wrong. In fact, this recipe makes the art of culinary seduction seem easy. Polenta screams out classy and sophisticated. Just accept the compliment and go with it. Let the aphrodisiac double threat (black beans & avocado) and rich collection of textures speak for you. Don’t fret. The pants will come off like some freaky scientific mystery. I’ll give you a hint about the science: good food = great sex. And critics say this site is not educational! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cuban, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, black beans, black pepper, cornmeal, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homemade, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, limejuice, mango salsa, Mediterranean, naked, olive oil, pants off, polenta, pre-made, recipe, seduce, sex, sophisticated, starter, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 24, 2014
Miso ready to get randy with these radishes!
Not to sound like a braggart, but I am so rad and shit. At least that’s what my neighbors’ teenage son told me when I explained the Cook To Bang method. This poor misguided kid figured wearing moppy hair and hipster pants that cut off circulation to his free will would get him chicks. ‘Fraid not, Fredo! The only thing that will make girls notice you is indifference and brash confidence. Once you have that, allow them to come over to your house, and wow the shit out of them with some food you happened to throw together. This kid has grown up watching my dinner guests leave the next the morning in the same clothes figured I might know what I’m talking about. So my young protégé has been putting my methods to the test. Now I’m starting to notice a series of girls coming in and out of his place after school while his parents are working. I might have created a monster. Hopefully his parents won’t blame me if he knocks one of these princesses up. One thing’s for sure, these radishes went from meh to rad and shit. Read the rest of this entry »
6 Comments | asian, fusion, Japanese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, braggart, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fredo, game changer, get laid, gourmet, granulated sugar, guarantee, homemade, indifference, intercourse, kitchen, libido, marinate, mirin, miso paste, miso radish recipe, naked, protégé, recipe, sake, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, teenager, vegan, vegetarian, white radish, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 