July 7, 2015
Sweet, spicy, totally macho.
I know what you’re thinking. How could a cold fruity summer soup be so macho? I’m glad you asked. The flavors don’t dance delicately like a ballerina upon your tongue. Fuck no! They river-dance to speed metal all over that tongue of yours with more flavors than you can shake your genitals at. Walls will bust open like the Kool-Aid Man’s back for revenge. Your date won’t wait for permission to ravish you. Mediterranean nymphs shan’t flutter, but grind into your ears with rubber mini-skirts. Does that answer your question? Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
July 4, 2015
Turkey turns ’em on, then turns ’em out. Yeow!
Hamburgers are not normally considered sexy, but they are a damn tasty staple of the American diet. Turkey meat however is leaner, meaner and greener. The protein does you right plus there’s less fat and twice the flavor when cooked right. My thanks go out to the Native Americans for turning the Pilgrims onto this precious bird (sorry about taking your land and all). The fire charring the meat empowers the caveman in every male chef. The lady chef or date can enjoy this tasty piece of the American dream and not worry about the dish going straight to her thighs. When you bit into the center and find the goat cheese goodness, a choir of angels with trumpets shall inspire a tryst of the kinkiest order. I tried a similar dish at a bourgeois New York restaurant priced somewhere upwards of $25. The bill hurt my wallet, but my palette was well satisfied and my brain full of inspiration. This summertime dish always leads to good times and enough erotic memories to last me through winter. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, dairy, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, poultry, RECIPES, summer | Tagged: avocado, bang, bbq, burger, delicious, fire, food, goat cheese, gourmet, gourmet turkey burger, grill, grillin' like a villain, hamburger buns, healthy, hot, love, lust, manly, masculine, onion, recipe, romance, sandwich, scallion, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, tomato, turkey | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 3, 2015
American produce, love it or grill it!
America, fuck yeah! Can you feel the patriotism emanating off the computer screen and making your heart beet to the Star Spangled Banner. Even if you aren’t a tea-partying real patriot, you gotta love your country right about now. And if you don’t, God shall smite thee with ten billion pounds of fireworks. In all seriousness folks, I’m not denigrating diversity. But I will be drinking heavily, grilling gleefully, and fornicating under a gun-powdered scented sky. Here’s to a healthy holiday full of American excess. Another beet from the grill? Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
July 1, 2015
When your date says “Oh!” you say “Yeah!”
Oh boy! Oh man! Oh god! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (to NKTOB groove)! These are just some of the many reactions I have heard to making oatmeal CTB style. We’ve all eaten instant oatmeal, mostly during childhood, although some of us (my friends know who I speak of) still gobble that shit up. But what about the rest of whose taste buds haven’t matured beyond a 6-year-old, their fingers stained with Kool-Aid? Oatmeal can be something other than a bland exercise in self-restraint. But why not have the best of both worlds? Nutrition and flavor can still give each other lap dances with the right amount of TLC. And that’s what this recipe is all about. Here’s to the one sleeping in your bed who’s waking up to a big surprise. Expect them to be smiling like a donut. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bananas, bang, banging, boil, brown sugar, butter, cinnamon, delicious, DIY, easy, flavor, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet oatmeal, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, instant oatmeal, intercourse, kitchen, kool-aid, lap dances, libido, melt, milk, mix, naked, new kids on the block, nktob, nutrition, o-face, o-faced oatmeal recipe, oats, oh-faced, raisins, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smile like a donut, syrup, tasty, tlc, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 22, 2015
Lox me up, because otherwide, I'd break these chains and ravage anything in my sight.
With Valentines Day creeping in like a ninja assassin, you better be ready with you’re A-game if you are seeing someone you like. It’s make or break time that will define where this relationship of yours will progress towards. If you don’t like them all that much, might I suggest a vacation far far away. You don’t want to be anywhere near town with a clinger you’re about to retire. But those of you lucky enough to have that one person you would gladly Cook To Bang every night, you need to start Valentine’s Day off right. There are few better approaches than breakfast in bed. Cliche it may be, but effective at not only dropping panties, but also keeping them off for long gaps of time it is. This fancy scramble from the future us perfect for sending the message that, ìNot only do I enjoy banging you, but also listening to you talk while we eat breakfast together.î If that is not true love, I weep for the future. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Austrian, bang, banging, benefits, black pepper, bodyguard, bok choy, breakfast, chloroform, clinger, coincidental, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lox, morning, motorcade, naked, ninja assassin, olive oil, physiological, recipe, red onion, salt, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, sex to me, smoked salmon, sophistication, steam, steamed, sweet, tasty, UN, valentines day, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 15, 2015
- Gettin’ your goat will make you float and rock that boat!
So you don’t think goats are sexy, huh? You don’t find their hooves and beards enchanting? Their bleating cries a top a craggily mountains isn’t a huge turn on? Then you haven’t sampled goat cheese baked to perfection with the pistachio crust atop a mountain of greens and grape boulders smothered is a sticky sweet balsamic reduction. You may find yourself licking the plate clean and stealing a little off your lover’s plate (CTB won’t tell). No one will blame you once this sexy dish seduces your mouth, body and soul. The goat bleats will become a choir of enchanting angels beckoning you to join them in their four-legged rendition of the Macarena. You will be completely powerless to resist and you will love every minute of it because your date will be by your side, equally entranced by the goat cheese’s power that is turbo-charged with the balsamic blast. The healthy spinach and the mysterious aphrodisiac powers of the grapes create a perfect storm of culinary delight. Give in and go with it. This salad can take you places you never knew existed. And at the end of the journey your inevitable sexual conquest will be secondary to the post-coital glow you experienced with love at first bite. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bake, Baked goat cheese salad, balsamic reduction, bang, classy, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, grapes, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, lunch, naked, nuts, pistachio, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, spinach, vegetarian | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 8, 2015
Summer rolling with the homies
Summertime calls for lighter fare so we can hone our buns, abs and groins of steel. Gone are the big coats that hide our blubbery bits. If you want to bang you gotta look bangable. So it’s time to put the dairy and beef products aside and get healthy. Vegan food can be boring if you let it. But how many obese vegans do you know? My advice is to embrace the Asian fusion hippie party time. Be sure your date notices how cultured and sensitive you are. Play it off like you’ve gone green, instead of just greedy for more banging. If you want to roll in the hay, you better start rolling. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Asia, asian, bang, banging, delicious, DIY, East, easy, flavorful, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger onion, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, mint, mushrooms, naked, orient, recipe, rice paper wraps, roll in the hay, seduce, sex, shredded coconut, spring rolls, summer rolls, tasty, tofu, tofu summer rolls recipe, vegan, vegetarian, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 21, 2015
Get the best Dank Organic Veggie Burrito on Phish tour!
Holy shit, bra! Did you catch Phish at Bonaroo? I mean like wow, man! Maybe I can articulate it without than bohemian euphemisms once the acid wears off. At least I was able to pick up some hard-body hippie harlots in the lot selling Dank Organic Veggie Burritos out of my mom’s Prius. They thought my vegan wraps were heady, yo. I played them some old bootlegs from like WAY back in the day. They were mad impressed, especially when they started rubbing the Phish tat across my heart. Good thing they didn’t realize it was just henna until after I get my dirty hippie orgy on. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
May 18, 2015
This egg dish brings out the whore in anyone.
Who said breakfast can’t be quick, cheap and gourmet? These purveyors of untruths are likely terrorists or, at the very least, buzz kills. Ignore these fools for they know not what they say. Prepare to class up the morning after tainting it with unmentionable activities that would make the church ladies blush. Eggs Whorentine to the rescue! It’s got all the sexiness of Eggs Benedict, but with the spinach power of Popeye. Let your breakfast speak for itself when you have a sleeping beauty in your bed. Sure she/he is eager for you to report for duty, but damnit, you just gave them good loving and need a recharge. That’s where the protein in the eggs, carbohydrates of the English muffin and the famed Popeye power of spinach keep you going long and strong. Your first bite will send steam out of your ears and you’ll both be off for the next round and round. Toot toot! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, breakfast, delicious, easy, eggs, eggs Florentine, Eggs Florentine recipe, English muffin, fancy, Florentine, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hollandaise, hollandaise sauce recipe, intercourse, kitchen, morning, naked, poached, recipe, romance, sauté, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, toast | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 14, 2015
All hail Caesar Salad!
The classics deserve much props and little improvisation. You can’t get much more perfect than the Caesar Salad. Like a great lover, it is crisp, moist and creamy in all the right places. No wonder this salad is so universal on plates across the world. Now is your chance to wow even the most discriminate date with this simple DIY Caesar Salad from scratch. Once you make this ridiculously easy salad once, sequels by the dozen are sure to follow. This salad works perfectly as a starter before a blow-their-mind entrée, or can stand alone as a lunch. It was the perfect follow up course to the sultry French Onion Soup I served. Naturally, my date was satisfied to her core with such simplicity. She pounced like a wildcat before I could even finish. My only regret is that the lettuce wilted before I could eat the rest. I can always make more and more and more. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: anchovy, appetizer, bake, bang, Caesar salad, Caesar salad from scratch, chicken, chicken Caesar salad, country club, delicious, Dijon, easy, fancy, fast, from scratch, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leafy and lovely, lunch, naked, parmesan, recipe, romaine, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, toss your salad, Worcestershire, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 