August 4, 2009
Squish squash, let's get sauced!
This side dish is soft to the touch, yet crunchy in all the right places. As described, this does not sound like the hard-body of summer vegetable concoctions. But this dish could help you get that hard beach body all the cool kids seem to be having these days. This casserole is light, full of flavor and pack a wallop of flavor-filled fungasms. This particular dish was an experiment in how to cook summer squash besides on the grill. A tough act to follow. It provided great company for the grilled chicken I served to this annoying date. The date was a bust, but luckily I got my jollies from this casserole. The silver lining never tasted so good.
Total time: approximately 55 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Nice cold beer or white wine
Ingredients:
1. 1 tbsp breadcrumbs
2. 2 tbsp olive oil
3. 1 dash paprika
4. 1 dash salt
5. 1 onion chopped coarsely
6. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
7. 4 globe squash
8. 2-ounces goat cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a baking pan or deep wide pie-pan with olive oil. Chop the squash into ½ inch rounds. Line the pan with a layer of squash rounds, throw the onions over and crown with half of the goat cheese. Set down another layer, use the rest of the goat cheese and crown with green onions. Pour the remaining olive oil, season with paprika and salt, and evenly distribute the breadcrumbs over the top.
Step 2
Throw the squash in the oven and bake until the veggies soften and the top browns (approx 45 min). Serve up on plates as a lunch or to compliment an ENTRÉE.
2 Comments | 
healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, baked squash, bang, banging, breadcrumbs, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fungasm, game changer, get laid, globe squash, globe squash casserole recipe, goat cheese, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, paprika, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, squishy squashy casserole recipe, summer, tasty, vegetables, vegetarian, veggies, yummy | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2009
They host, you boast...to your friends after the act.
The COOK TO BANG has been proven by the superstring theory via that supercollider in the Swiss Alps. Effective as CTB may be, every once in a while you want to take your sexy cooking show on the road. Why not take your wares to your dates pad? It’ll seem spontaneous and romantic, even if you just don’t feel like cleaning up the mess after your done banging. The plot is to show up to their place with a bag of groceries and commandeer their kitchen like some hungry pirate. Soon you will be swashbuckling about with their pots and pans and will eventually end up without shirts or pants, just an eye patch and a dirty-talking parrot. Sure your date may be technically hosting, but you will both know who’s in control. This salad will be a great first mate as you pillage and plunder your date’s booty.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or a PANTY DROPPING SHANDY
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup balsamic vinegar
2. 2 tbsp HONEY
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. ½ tbsp olive oil
6. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
7. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
8. 2 heirloom tomatoes
9. 4 fresh BASIL leaves
10. ¼ lemon
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Slice each heirloom tomato in half and set them in a baking pan. Drizzle the tomatoes with olive oil, sprinkle them with salt and pepper, place a basil leaf on each and crown them with mozzarella. Toss them in the oven and roast until the tomato softens and cheese melts (approx 35 min).
Step 2
Make the balsamic reduction dressing by turning stove onto medium heat and adding the honey and balsamic vinegar, stirring vigorously. Cook the liquid down to 1/3 of its original volume. Pour the dressing into a container and allow it to cool.
Step 3
Split the spinach between plates. Place two roasted heirloom tomatoes on each bed of spinach and pour over the balsamic reduction. Squeeze some lemon juice over if your craving some sour.
Serve up as a perfect lunch after a quickie (hint, bang while the heirloom tomatoes roast) or as a starter for an ENTRÉE.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, booty, commandeer, delicious, dirty-talking, DIY, easy, eye patch, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heirloom tomato, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, parrot, pillage, pirate, plunder, recipe, roast heirloom tomato salad recipe, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, spontaneous, supercollider, superstring theory, swashbuckling, swiss alps, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 28, 2009
Pimp that shrimp like a chimp with a limp
First off, my apologies for yesterdays post. I think I ate the brown acid again. As penance, please accept this kick ass salad that is scrumptious, packed with protein and an aphrodisiac quadruple threat. This dish will not disappoint in the pimping department. All those flavors will be out working the corner for you, luring johns and janes in for a little cat scratch fever. Once they get a taste, they will be customers for life…or until you kick their ass to the curb in favor of a better paying/looking clientele. Always remember that a good pimp is a kind pimp. No need to rough up the goods by tossing that salad too hard. A couple good shakes will put the flavor hos in line to do your bidding. Now get out there and get that money, honey!
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $17
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
4. 1 tbsp olive oil
5. 1 small handful jack cheese
6. 1 red bell pepper chopped coarsely
7. ½ lb ASPARAGUS spears
8. 1 small handful BASIL chopped finely
9. 1 small handful parsley chopped finely
10. ½ lemon
11.½ lb cook SHRIMP, tails removed
12. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
Step 1
Cut the stems off the asparagus spears and blanch them in a thin layer of water (approx 5 min). Chop the asparagus in half.
Step 2
While the asparagus blanches, create the dressing by combining the basil, parsley, cayenne pepper, salt, red wine vinegar and olive oil.
Step 3
Toss the red bell pepper, shrimp, asparagus, dressing and lemon. Allow it to marinate in the fridge (approx 20 min).
Step 4
Place half the spinach on each plate and crown with jack cheese. Drain the dressing from the shrimp and veggies and split up the goods.
Serve as perfect lunch salad or follow it up with something meaty like ROASTED CHICKEN RUB DOWN.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asparagus, bang, banging, basil, brown acid, cat scratch fever, cayenne pepper, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hos, intercourse, jack cheese, janes, johns, kitchen, lemon, libido, low-carb, naked, olive oil, parsley, penance, pimp, pimp that shrimpy ass-paragus recipe, prostitutes, protein, recipe, red bell pepper, red wine vinegar, roughage, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp asparagus salad recipe, spinach, tasty, toss your salad, veggies, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 13, 2009
The meatballs keep a rolling rolling rolling!
Behold these sexy balls o’ mine! Why are you acting so shocked? My balls are so flavorful, so meaty, so ready to rumble. Clearly you aren’t ready to meet these round and rocking spheres of epic delight. I understand. I get it. You just try to appear that you are up for anything, but in truth you turn tail when presented with something bold that gets right to the meat of a situation. Not to worry for there are plenty of prospects who will be more than happy to embrace my raw essence. The barbarian inside shall be released in us ready and willing who shall indulge in an orgy of carnage and carnal delights. You’ll just have to sit outside my cave and listen to the pleasurable Neanderthal grunts of eating and banging. You’ll just have to read the erotic play-by-play cave paintings. I’d love to offer you our leftovers, but you know how grudges go. Can’t let it go until you admit you were wrong and willing to play by my rules.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 pound of ground beef (or turkey)
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
6. 1 can of tomato sauce
7. ½ pound of dried spaghetti
8. 2 garlic cloves minced
9. 1 large celery stalk cut into tiny nibbles
10. 1 onion chopped finely
11. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)
Step 1
Boil spaghetti al dente while you make the meat balls: mix in ½ the onions, ½ the celery celery, garlic, ground beef, salt, and pepper together in a bowl and create balls.
Step 2
Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a deep pan on medium heat. Throw in the meatballs and cook the bottom side until they brown (approx 3 min). Flip the meatballs and douse the remaining olive over the balls and brown the other side (approx 2 min). Sauté the remaining onions and celery and cook them down (approx 2 min). Bring the tomato sauce to a boil on and then lower the heat and simmer until the meatballs cook through (approx 15 min).
Step 3
Place a healthy serving of al dente spaghetti on each place, then set a few meat balls on plate and then smother it all with sauce. Serve with GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD and top it off with Parmesan if you are feeling cheesy.
1 Comment | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: al dente, balls, bang, barbarian, carboluscious, carnage, carnal, carnivore, cave paintings, celery, circular, crushed red pepper, delicious, dinner, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, gourmet meatballs, ground beef, guarantee, homemade, hot, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, libido, meaty, Mediterranean, naked, Neanderthal, olive oil, onion, paprika, pasta, pepper, recipe, rolls, rumble, salt, sauté, seduce, sex, spaghetti, Spaghetti and meatballs recipe, spheres, spicy meatballs, starch, tasty, tomato sauce, turkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 30, 2009
Who get's freaky? Who do? You do! Now freaky fry your way to shangri la!
Ain’t nothing wrong with getting a little freaky in the kitchen. I get freaky every time I walk across the linoleum. Sometimes I’ll grind against my oven, do the old in-out with my cupboards, or just stick my hand all up in my freezer just because. Sure I could act my age and treat the kitchen with reverence usually saved for a church. But to me, my kitchen is my church and I am a goddamn pagan. Getting freaky with two chicken breasts is my way of giving thanks for all the bounty and booty that comes my way. So ladies, won’t you join me in this freaky heathen worship of the sweet and the savory? This chicken is baked, so it is far less fatty. That means we can get way more chatty, before I drive you batty with desire. So don’t be bratty or catty about getting freaky. It’s natural and oh so delicioso!
Total time: approximately 70 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a margarita
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 cup of Cornflakes
2. 1 tablespoon of milk
3. 1 egg
4. ½ teaspoon of salt
5. ½ teaspoon of pepper
6. 2 chicken breasts
7. 1 green onion chopped finely
8. 1 handful of shredded Parmesan
9. 2 tablespoons of butter
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Dump the cornflakes into a bowl and punch them into submission. Mix in the Parmesan, green onions, pepper, and salt. In a separate bowl, mix together the egg and milk.
Step 2
Pat dry the chicken breasts. Dip them in the egg/milk mixture and then stick the meat in the cornflake breading mixture, making sure both sides are coated. Place in a baking pan. Melt the butter in a pan and pour it over the breaded chicken. Throw it all into the oven and bake until the chicken is crispy on the outside and cooked through on the inside (approx 1 hour).
Serve with GARLIC GOING ON MASHED POTATOES.
Leave a Comment » | IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: baked, Baked cornflake fried chicken recipe, baked fried chicken, bang, batty, bird, bratty, butter, catty, chatty, church, cornflake fried chicken, cornflakes, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, egg, fatty, food, game changer, get laid, getting freaky, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthier, heathen, homemade, intercourse, Kellogg’s, kitchen, linoleum, low fat, milk, naked, pagan, parmesan, pepper, poultry, protein, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 27, 2009
Become the Lord of the Onion Rings
It’s hard to say no to someone who is fun and young (and legal, obviously). The same goes for a delicious side order liked baked onion rings. These finger foods are lower in fat so it doesn’t feel like a brick floating in your rotting guts. That’s one less reason to not get laid. These will keep you satisfied, but limber enough to make your move. Your date won’t complain about these rings being too oily and ruining their favorite outfit when you put your ungreasy paws all over them. So grope away like Frodo, the Lord of the Onion Rings.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer or soda
Ingredients:
1. 1 cup of cornflakes
2. 1 teaspoon of Cajun seasoning
3. 1 tablespoon of sugar
4. ½ teaspoon of salt
5. 1 egg
6. 1 onion cut into ½ rounds, then rings separated
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. First crush the cornflakes without pulverizing them. Combine together with Cajun seasoning, salt and sugar. In a separate bowl, beat an egg thoroughly. Dip the separated onion rings in the egg and then the cornflake breading.
Step 2
Lay each dipped onion ring on a greased baking sheet. Throw into the oven and cook until the breading is crispy and clings to the onions (approx 20-25 min). Use a spatula to pry each onion ring off. Serve them up on a plate with your favorite condom-ment or with a SINWICH.
2 Comments | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, southern, vegetarian | Tagged: baked, Baked onion rings recipe, bang, barely legal, Cajun seasoning, carboluscious, cornflake onion rings, cornflakes, delicious, DIY, easy, egg, food, Frodo, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lord of the rings, lotr, low fat, naked, onion, onion rings recipe, oven, recipe, rotting guts, rounds, run young onion rings, salt, seduce, sex, side order, sugar, tasty, ungreasy, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 21, 2009
Fondle by candle light
Some prudes blanch at the idea of being touched, let alone being fondled. That is their beast of repressive burden to carry. Personally, I enjoy being fondled with regularity. What can I say? I’m a giver. I am always ready to offer up something phallic to the ladies on my CTB wish list. While this dish doesn’t look quite so fresh and so clean as a SALAD, it does tastes like it came out of an Italian mother’s kitchen. Every bite makes me want to sing an operatic falsetto because the taste is just too much of a good thing. Take advantage of this dish’s power and make me proud, old sport.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $12
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ teaspoon of black pepper
2. ½ cup of white wine
3. ½ teaspoon of salt
4. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
5. 1 teaspoon of crushed red pepper flakes
6. 2 diced tomatoes
7. 1 green pepper cut into long strips
8. 1 onion cut into long strips
9. 5 sausage links (chicken or veggie sausage OK)
10. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely.
Step 1
Warm the olive oil up in a large pan or wok. Toss in the garlic and allow to cook (approx 2 minutes). In the mean time, slice the sausages in half and set them skin side down in the oil. Flip once so the other has of sausage cooks (approx 2 minutes per side).
Step 2
Next toss in the onions, peppers and tomato, then stir in some pepper, salt and crushed red pepper. Pour the wine in and cook everything on low until the wine evaporates (approx 20 minutes).
Step 3
Toast some bread if you like. Split the toast and scatter them neatly on the plate. Serve up some Sausage and Pepper and sing Ave Maria!
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, italian, IT’S ON!-TREES, Mediterranean, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, black pepper, crushed red pepper flakes, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green peppers, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homemade, intercourse, Italy, kitchen, Mediterranean, naked, olve oil, onion, recipe, salt, Sausage & peppers recipe, sausage links, seduce, sex, tasty, tomatoes, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 1, 2009
Don’t forget to mushroom tip your waitress!
Can you feel the rhythm? It starts with your hips going back and forth like a metronome. Feel it flow out to every point in your body. You and your date are under the spell of the mushroom. There is nothing either of you can do but let go. Dance, fool, dance! Your bodies will pulsate and writhe together. The warm embrace of the soup will inspire you two to become as one…for a half hour or so. It is for your benefit that you carry on. This mystical culinary potion has no fat to speak of. The natural flavor will cause your brain’s synapse to snap, crackle, and pop in a pleasure-filled frenzy. My advice: Take advantage of this recipe while it remains 100% legal. No doubt there is some buzz killer on the mission to make this soup contraband because it’s too sexy for their conservative closed minds.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $10
Drinking Buddy: Red red wine
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 can of chicken broth
2. ½ cup of sherry
3. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
4. 1 teaspoon of salt
5. 1 leek
6. ½ pound of fresh shitake mushrooms
7. ½ pound of white mushrooms
8. 2 small handfuls of raw walnuts
9. 3 garlic cloves minced
Step 1
Wash off the leek, trim the edges off, spit it down the middle and chop coarsely. Wash the mushrooms thoroughly and chop them coarsely.
Step 2
Heat up the olive oil in a stockpot on medium-high heat. Sauté the garlic and leeks until the shrink down and become translucent (approx 3 minutes). Add in the mushrooms, salt and sherry and cook the mushrooms down until they soften (approx 5 minutes).
Step 3
Dump in the chicken stock, bring it to a boil, and then simmer the goodies covered with a lid on low until the mushrooms absorb the liquid (approx 15 minutes). Gently puree the mushrooms, leaving some chunks intact. Serve it up with a small handful of walnuts over each bowl.
Leave a Comment » | healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, boom shalaklak boom, chicken broth, crackle, delicious, DIY, easy, flavorful, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homemade, HOT LIQUID LOVE, house of pain, intercourse, kitchen, leek, legal, low fat, metronome, mushroom soup, naked, olive oil, pop, recipe, salt, sauté, seduce, sex, sherry, shitake, Shroom shalaklak boom soup recipe, shrooms, snap, soup, tasty, walnuts, warm, white mushrooms, wild mushroom soup recipe, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 27, 2009
Lick it before you stick it!
Agreed. They are addictive. Your first instinct is to run your tongue across them, indulging in as much essence as you can suck down. It’s like a smoking crack: you know better, but you do it anyway. You may not want to go on without it. You will have postpartum depression and experience nasty withdrawals that will alienate those you love. We’re talking about high-grade lower fat* shit here. The street value is ridiculous. That is how these good baked garlic fries can be. My advice is to get your date hooked. Turned them into your garlic fry crack whore. They will be under your spell and willing to do anything for their garlic fix. I mean ANYTHING. Be warned that garlic can be a smelly curse. But if ye both eat of the stinking rose, neither of ye shall recoil.
*Baked garlic fries are not low fat, just less fattening than the deep fried version.
Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Projected cost: $2
Drinking Buddy: Beer, preferably Belgium like Chimay or Leffe
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2. 2 teaspoons of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of black pepper
4. 2 large potatoes
5. 4 cloves of garlic chopped finely
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Peel the potatoes, and then slice the potatoes lengthwise every ½ inch on one side, and then flip them 90 degrees and cut more ½ inch strips, thus creating fries.
Step 2
Throw the fries in a bowl and toss in the garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper and toss it together with your hands.
Step 3
Lay out the fries evenly along the baking sheet, leaving space between them. Bake them for approximately 40 minutes, flipping the fries halfway through cooking. The fries will be crisp and slightly browned. Dump them onto a plate with a paper towel and blot out the excess grease.
Serve on a platter with your favorite condom-ment!
Baked Garlic Fries are the Devil's plan
3 Comments | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, french, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, baked, baked garlic fries, bang, black pepper, carbohydrates, carbs, crack, crack ho, crack whore, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, French fries, game changer, garlic, Garlic French fries recipe, garlic fries, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthier, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lickable, lower fat, naked, not fried, olive oil, potatoes, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, side dish, stinking rose, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 24, 2009
Put down the chicken breast and no one gets hurt!
Yeah, you heard me! Take your hands off my chicken breasts and amscray! You don’t see me walking around all cavalier and fondling other people’s breasts. What? Well that was consensual! Very very consensual! Oh, and that other time. You got me there. But that was just to draw a laugh. No, I’m not messing with you. You can’t blame me for that! It was a double dog dare! And if I’m not mistaken, she did give me her number. I cooked for her too. We had a great evening and, yes, I did fondle. But she insisted. I was perfectly happy to just play Scrabble and discuss current events. So once again, I’m not in the wrong. You are! Now are you going to put my breasts down so I can grill them or will I have to resort to fisticuffs? I will defend my chicken breasts’ honor and then eat them if it’s the last thing I do!
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red red wine
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2. 1 teaspoon of salt
3. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
4. ½ teaspoon of dried basil
5. 2 teaspoons of black pepper
6. ¼ pound of dried Rotelle pasta
7. 3 tomatoes chopped coarsely
8. 2 handfuls of sliced mushrooms
9. ½ a lemon of juice
10. ½ pound of chicken breast sliced into bite-sized pieces
11. 2 handfuls of bite-sized broccoli pieces
Step 1
Mix up the chicken with the lemon juice and black pepper and allow it to marinate (approx 10 minutes). Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a pan on medium heat. Then cook the chicken through in it’s own juices until it goes white (approx 6 minutes). Set aside.
Step 2
Heat up the rest of the olive oil in a pan and stir-fry the broccoli and mushrooms with more lemon juice until they soften (approx 4 minutes). Finally add the tomatoes along with a liberal dashing of salt, crushed red pepper and basil, and stew and stir it all down into a sauce (approx 5 minutes).
Step 3
Boil water, cook and drain the pasta al dente. Pour in the pasta in with sauce and stir it up. Crown it all with the lemon pepper chicken, and serve.
1 Comment | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, healthy, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: bang, basil, black pepper, breasts, broccoli, cavalier, chicken, chicken breasts, consensual, crushed red pepper, defend, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, fisticuffs, fondle, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homemade, honor, intercourse, italian, kitchen, lemon juice, Lemon pepper chicken pasta recipe, lemon pepper chicken recipe, let my people go, mediteraenan, mushrooms, naked, olive oil, pasta, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, tasty, tomatoes, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 55 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 