December 5, 2014
Reap the harvest you sow in your date’s loins!
Or was that destruction? These toasted pumpkin seeds will no doubt help get your seduction going; any resistance to your charms will be obliterated. Crunchy, spicy, and totally thrilling. What a perfect use for ingredients most folks toss away with less concern than for a used condom. Tis unfortunate because pumpkin seeds can provide a great nibble while you whip up the rest of your feast. That way you won’t leave your culinary conquest chomping at the bit. They will be satisfied from the get go with your amazing kitchen feats. So long as you follow them up with a little razzle-dazzle on a plate, you will have succeeded at planting the seeds of seduction that will sprout from their mouth all the way down to their loins. Read the rest of this entry »
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Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, southern, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, bar food, boil, Cajun seasoning, calivirgin, crunchy, culinary conquest, delicious, destruction, DIY, easy, finger food, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin seeds of seduction, razzle dazzle, recipe, salad topping, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snack, spicy, spicy pumpkin seeds, starter, tasty, toast, toasted pumpkin seeds recipe, topping, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
November 19, 2014
Do I wanna? You damn skippy!
Do I wanna Havana? It’s been a dream of mine since I was a small child. Seriously, I picture myself in the long long ago era of Havana’s heyday drinking mojitos on the street and puffing on fat cigars. Cuban girls, a preferred pastime of mine, my version of baseball, bring out the happy happy in me. So yes, absolutely I wanna Havana. Too bad I’m an American with that 50 year-old embargo cock-blocking my Havana cabana-existence. So I must resort to other means. Namely serving Cuban style avocado salad to the Cuban girls and hoping to not piss off Castro brothers in the process. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cuban, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, black pepper, calivirgin, castro brothers, cherry tomatoes, cock-blocking, cuba, Cuban avocado salad recipe, Cuban cigars, delicious, DIY, easy, embargo, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, Havana, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, latin, lemon, libido, light, mojitos, naked, olive oil, pastime, quick, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, toss, vegan, vegetarian, wanna Havana salad, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 10, 2014
I'm fixin' for a vixen!
I should have known better. Vegan girls are always trouble. And it’s not just because they are a pain in the ass to feed. There’s something kooky in anyone who limits their culinary possibilities so severely. Maybe they need to take a few classes at an online cooking school to learn that food is not the enemy. But the upside is the rarity of obese vegans. Harmony was certainly no exception. She’s yoga master flex, hence me taking an interest. Picking up one’s yoga instructor is a delicate dance. The last thing you want to do is crash and burn, too humiliated to return to a class you enjoyed. I overheard Harmony gab on about her vegan diet and the explosive orgasms she enjoyed as a result, so I rocked the vegan angle. Post-yoga vegan soup on a cold Sunday evening? Harmony was on it, and on me after she sucked down my soup. Home girl demonstrated yoga possibilities I had never even wet-dreamed of. Now we have a regular Sunday Cirque du Vegan: I cook; she defies and gratifies gravity. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, hippie, HOT LIQUID LOVE, irish, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: bang, banging, black pepper, calivirgin, cirque du soleil, delicious, DIY, easy, explosive orgasms, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gravity, guarantee, harmony, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, kooky, libido, naked, obese, olive oil, onion, possibilities, potato, puree, radish, recipe, saffron, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, tasty, vegan, vegan soup, vegan vixen soup recipe, vegetable stock, vegetarian, vixen, white wine vinegar, winter, yoga instructor, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 3, 2014
Butterball butternut bust-a-nut
Cook To Bang is nothing without its readership. If a recipe helps someone bang in the woods and no one is there to film it, does it make a moaning sound? I’ll leave that to the philosophers far wiser than me to answer. A massive shout out is due to my man DJ JD of Ottawa, Canada for this recipe. Homeboy came through with a unique and outstanding recipe when I needed it most. I make a point of not dating vegans since they severely limit my palette. But this particular vegan’s beauty is outclassed only by her cheeky personality. Naturally, a classy specimen of humanity deserves a little leeway. So after racking my sex-addled brain for a vegan recipe, I found JD’s email and took it for a test drive. Hot damn! This butternut squash soup made both our heads spin with glee. The vegan vixen was more than pleased. If Cooking To Bang was an Olympic event, JD just won the gold. CUE “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, black pepper, butter-my-nuts squash soup, butternut squash, butternut squash soup recipe, calivirgin, Canada, classy, coconut milk, curry powder, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gold medal, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homeboy, homemade, HOT LIQUID LOVE, humanity, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, oh Canada, olive oil, Olympics, onion, Ottawa, palette, personality, philosophers, readership, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex-addled, soup, specimen, tasty, Vancouver, vegan, vegetable stock, vegetarian, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 17, 2014
Even prissy vegans can indulge in this walk on the wild side.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. At least that is what nutritionists keep telling me. Perhaps these know-it-alls with their charts and lab coats and rosy cheeks are right. Filling your gullet with kickass nutrients prepares you for any crazy $%&@ thrown your way. Eat a solid breakfast and you will be able to catch a blimp on fire hurtling down to the earth with your pinkie finger. Sounds about right. So here’s an uber-healthy recipe with protein to the extreme with plenty of fiber and lycopene without that Fatty McGee you get with scrambling eggs. You will be prepared to stop a flamingo stampede heading straight for a bus full of kindergartners, or at the very least, Cook and Bang your date from last night like a superhero. Now you just have to work on your secret identity, you Sex Crazy Mofo! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, healthy, Japanese, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, blimp, breakfast, delicious, DIY, easy, firm tofu, flamingo, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, low fat, lycopene, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, nutritionist, nutritious, onion, protein, recipe, seduce, sex, sex crazy mofo, superhero, tasty, Tofu scramble recipe, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 15, 2014
Get hungry, then get stuffed!
Sometimes you just need to do some stuffing. You have those sexy bits laying around waiting for some action satisfaction. Who are you not to play those kinky reindeer games? Get with the program and get stuffed. The fun part is taking the random goodies and seeing what will fit. It’s a lot like object porn where they stuff foreign objects into small openings. Shocking? Yes. Intriguing? Sure. Delicious? Most definitely! The stuffing I created for this dish was from goodies lying around my fridge eager for their day in sun…found in my oven. This is your chance to blow a few minds and other parts of the body with your stunning creativity. So polenta some panties off and start stuffing! Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | RECIPES | Tagged: apple, apple polenta stuffed pepper recipe, baked, bang, banging, bell peppers, black pepper, broiled, cornmeal, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mozzarella cheese, naked, nuts, object porn, olive oil, paprika, polenta, polenta stuffed bell pepper recipe, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, side dish, Stuffed bell pepper recipe, stuffed veggies, tasty, vegetarian, walnuts, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 27, 2014
Slap some sugar, lemon, balsamic, then put them balls on it!
DESSERT is the time when a Cook usually turns into Bang. Many final courses like cheesecake that take over a day to make, like a slow, patient seduction. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to holler at the moon so long as you do in fact holler. But we live in a culture that wants everything yesterday. In fairness to the instant gratification crowd, here’s an instant dessert that is healthy, tasty, and quick on the go. Do not fear the balsamic vinegar for it is your friend. The fusion of the powdered sugar, fructose from the berries and the vinegar is like some mystical alchemy that preps your tongue ready for more adventuresome travels. Be sure to hand-feed these to your date, thus fostering the intimacy you will no doubt exploit for your own perverted gains. I have made this outstanding standout for more dates than I can remember and not once have I been refused. Won’t you join our merry band of culinary pranksters? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, Mediterranean, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Balsamic strawberry recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, berries, citrus, delicious, dessert, easy, fast, fructose, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand feed, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, strawberries, strawberry dessert recipe, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 13, 2014
Shroom Shroom Ka’Boom!
Feel that rumbling? That’s not your stomach growling for something homemade and delicious. It’s the sound of a dance party emanating from a sandwich, reverberating across the room and making everything turn raver-licious. Close your eyes and you will see strobe lights. Suddenly we are all wearing baggy pants again and dancing with glow sticks, blissfully unaware how ridiculous we look to anyone sober. Like we care, right? It’s 1999 all over again and I know the DJ. Think of this shroom burger as the ultimate disco biscuit. It is so damn good, you feel like you are high on god knows what. You will certainly appear more attractive to whomever you serve it to. Now the two of you can shadow dance with your hands like epileptic classical music conductors. Rave on ‘til the break of dawn! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES, SINWICHES, spicy, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, baggy pants, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, boom, chili, classical music conductor, dairy, delicious, disco biscuit, DIY, dj, easy, epileptic, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled, grilled onions, guarantee, hamburger buns, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, mayonnaise, mozzarella cheese, naked, olive oil, Portobello mushroom burger recipe, rave, raver, raver-licious, recipe, sandwich, seduce, sex, shrooms, sinwich, spicy, spicy mushroom burger recipe, summer, tasty, tomato, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 28, 2014
Get a room? What’s wrong with a little exhibitionism? You get a room!
No doubt, some ninny has scolded you for PDA’ing the night away. They are just jealous of your mojo and spontaneity. It’s not your fault they aren’t inspired to engage in carnal acts in public, possibly in a suburban shopping mall or on a merry-go-round. Chances are they haven’t banged properly since the Reagan administration. Tough titties. You on the other hand still have a pulse and should cry out, “To hell with you cock-blocking conservatives!” Grab that special someone’s ass and pull them towards you. Encourage them to open their mouth and feed them something refreshing and sensual…like this salad. The fresh tomatoes will dance on your tongues like another tongue, preparing them for the inevitable closing move that will ruffle the feathers of every starched shirt in a 10-mile radius. Know in your heart that you haven’t done your job until you get complaints from the morality morons. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: avocado, balsamic reduction recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, buffalo mozzarella, cheese, conservative, delicious, DIY, easy, exhibitionist, fiber, game changer, get a room, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heirloom salad, Heirloom tomato salad recipe, heirloom tomatoes, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, liberal, merry-go-round, morality, naked, pda, public display of affection, quick, rainbow chard, Reagan Administration, recipe, seduce, sex, shopping mall, starched shirts, suburban, tasty, toasted sunflower seeds, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 17, 2014
Salsa your way across the dancefloor to the snack table for more salsa!
This recipe comes courtesy of Derek in Denver, CO. This badass tomatillo salsa recipe has been scoring him smoking hot granola girls by the bakers dozen. Derek writes:
Salsa salsa salsa! Nothing like a simple a perfect combination of Mexican spices, flavors, and cajones to inspire some sexy time. We got the right amount of flavor and heat without sending anyone home crying for their mommies. And this will come in handy as you lay out your finest game. I find that this recipe is all that and a bag of chips. Tortilla chips. I hope your readers enjoy as much I have enjoyed the fairer sex of Colorado! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, mexican, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bakers dozen, bang, banging, boil, cilantro, Colorado, delicious, denver, Derek, DIY, easy, fairer sex, flavorful, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, granola girls, green onions, guarantee, heat, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, limes, mexican, mexico, mix, mommies, naked, puree, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, spicy, tasty, tomatillo salsa recipe, tomatillos, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 