I see you poking around my business. You could at least buy me dinner first. Or better yet, cook for me! Make me some Italian comfort food and I might just put out. No promises though. You still have to woo me. But just want to put it out there that poking my piccata is a possibility. Just play it cool and don’t act a fool. Behold this simplified and slightly healthier version of the chicken piccata that takes all of 20 minutes to whip up for who ever is down. This recipe was born after a particularly exhausting round of bedroom acrobatics that left my tantric trapeze partner and I famished. I recreated my favorite piccata dish from my childhood using repressed memories and innovation. Thank god for those frozen chicken breasts stuck to the bottom of my freezer. That protein boosted me back into top form for another round of aerial maneuvering around the bedroom. To this day, I have no idea why there are clowns and a lion tamer in my bedroom. I’m not THAT kinky! Read the rest of this entry »
POKE YER PICCATA
July 14, 2015
2 Comments | 
IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, breadcrumbs, capers, chicken, chicken breast, chicken piccata, Chicken piccata recipe, chicken stock, delicious, dijon mustard, DIY, easy, flavor, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthier version, homemade, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, lemon, Mediterranean, naked, olive oil, paprika, parmesan cheese, parsley, pollo, poultry, quick, recipe, romantic, salt, seduce, sex, take to bed, tasty, yummy | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
IMPALE ‘EM WITH YOUR SWORDFISH
July 10, 2015
Careful, for this is one sharp swordsman of the sea.
Alas, there is no escaping your fate. We shall duel at dawn’s first light. You wrote your destiny when you insulted my honor. By not partaking in the fine FINGER FOOD I prepared, nor acquiescing to my subtle seductions, I am forced to take things a might bit further. So I have upped the ante of our rendezvous with an unstoppable thrust of nature. This wicked weapon will pierce thy heart and expose thy loins. There is nothing thou can do to hold me back from my urge for triumphant trolloping. And to think my foes presume this dish to be anything but simple sensational seduction. En garde, I say! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, RECIPES, seafood, summer | Tagged: aprhodisiac, bang, bbq, chives, cracked pepper, delicious, DIY, duel, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, Grilled swordfish recipe, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, herbs, homemade, impale, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, lemon swordfish, libido, loins, marinate, naked, ocean, olive oil, recipe, salt, sea, seafood, seduce, sex, sword, swordfish, tasty, weapon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
MUY MACHO PAPAYA GAZPACHO
July 7, 2015
Sweet, spicy, totally macho.
I know what you’re thinking. How could a cold fruity summer soup be so macho? I’m glad you asked. The flavors don’t dance delicately like a ballerina upon your tongue. Fuck no! They river-dance to speed metal all over that tongue of yours with more flavors than you can shake your genitals at. Walls will bust open like the Kool-Aid Man’s back for revenge. Your date won’t wait for permission to ravish you. Mediterranean nymphs shan’t flutter, but grind into your ears with rubber mini-skirts. Does that answer your question? Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | fusion, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spicy, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, banging, black pepper, cold soup, cucumber, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, italian, kitchen, kool-aid man, latin, libido, Mediterranean, mini-skirts, muy macho papaya gazpacho, naked, nymphs, olive oil, papaya, papaya gazpacho recipe, parsley, recipe, red onion, red wine vinegar, refreshing, river-dance, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, sourdough bread, speed metal, summer, tasty, tomato juice, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
TURN YOU OUT TURKEY BURGER
July 4, 2015
Turkey turns ’em on, then turns ’em out. Yeow!
Hamburgers are not normally considered sexy, but they are a damn tasty staple of the American diet. Turkey meat however is leaner, meaner and greener. The protein does you right plus there’s less fat and twice the flavor when cooked right. My thanks go out to the Native Americans for turning the Pilgrims onto this precious bird (sorry about taking your land and all). The fire charring the meat empowers the caveman in every male chef. The lady chef or date can enjoy this tasty piece of the American dream and not worry about the dish going straight to her thighs. When you bit into the center and find the goat cheese goodness, a choir of angels with trumpets shall inspire a tryst of the kinkiest order. I tried a similar dish at a bourgeois New York restaurant priced somewhere upwards of $25. The bill hurt my wallet, but my palette was well satisfied and my brain full of inspiration. This summertime dish always leads to good times and enough erotic memories to last me through winter. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, dairy, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, poultry, RECIPES, summer | Tagged: avocado, bang, bbq, burger, delicious, fire, food, goat cheese, gourmet, gourmet turkey burger, grill, grillin' like a villain, hamburger buns, healthy, hot, love, lust, manly, masculine, onion, recipe, romance, sandwich, scallion, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, tomato, turkey | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
RED WHITE AND BEETS
July 3, 2015
American produce, love it or grill it!
America, fuck yeah! Can you feel the patriotism emanating off the computer screen and making your heart beet to the Star Spangled Banner. Even if you aren’t a tea-partying real patriot, you gotta love your country right about now. And if you don’t, God shall smite thee with ten billion pounds of fireworks. In all seriousness folks, I’m not denigrating diversity. But I will be drinking heavily, grilling gleefully, and fornicating under a gun-powdered scented sky. Here’s to a healthy holiday full of American excess. Another beet from the grill? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: 4th of july, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bbq, bbq beets recipe, beets, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, fireworks, food, game changer, get laid, glenn beck, goat cheese, gourmet, grill, grilled beets recipe, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, olive oil, patriotism, recipe, red white and beets recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, star spangled banner, summer, tasty, tea partying, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
O-FACED OATMEAL
July 1, 2015
When your date says “Oh!” you say “Yeah!”
Oh boy! Oh man! Oh god! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (to NKTOB groove)! These are just some of the many reactions I have heard to making oatmeal CTB style. We’ve all eaten instant oatmeal, mostly during childhood, although some of us (my friends know who I speak of) still gobble that shit up. But what about the rest of whose taste buds haven’t matured beyond a 6-year-old, their fingers stained with Kool-Aid? Oatmeal can be something other than a bland exercise in self-restraint. But why not have the best of both worlds? Nutrition and flavor can still give each other lap dances with the right amount of TLC. And that’s what this recipe is all about. Here’s to the one sleeping in your bed who’s waking up to a big surprise. Expect them to be smiling like a donut. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bananas, bang, banging, boil, brown sugar, butter, cinnamon, delicious, DIY, easy, flavor, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet oatmeal, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, instant oatmeal, intercourse, kitchen, kool-aid, lap dances, libido, melt, milk, mix, naked, new kids on the block, nktob, nutrition, o-face, o-faced oatmeal recipe, oats, oh-faced, raisins, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smile like a donut, syrup, tasty, tlc, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
GRATUITOUS GRILLED CHEESE SINWICH
June 29, 2015
THis childhood classic never tasted so inappropriately scrumptious
Do you still think of grilled cheese sandwiches as a slice of American cheese thrown between two slices of Wonder Bread? The grilled cheese has come a long way and wants it’s day in court to appeal. Be an honorable judge and listen to the cheese plead its case as it melts on your tongue, accompanied by evidence in the form of tomato, avocado and cilantro. Only a cruel monster lacking in taste bud ethics could throw the book at a sandwich so deviously divine. I found this extreme makeover on a childhood classic to be an effective weekend lunch date meal. Grill these babies up, pop in a movie, pretend to yawn and throw your arm around your date. If your game is strong, the vibe is on, than you should be knocking boots ‘til the break of dawn. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: avocado, bang, cheddar, childhood, cilantro, classic, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, Grilled cheese sandwich, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, lunch, mozzarella, naked, romance, sandwich, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
CHICKEN OUT YOUR (BEER) CANS
June 26, 2015
Beer Can Chicken got a whole lot easier.
Behold: simplified beer can chicken for 2. Sure you could go the badass route of stuffing a whole chicken with a leaking beer can, but that is both labor intensive and way too much food. This little ditty is perfect for a summer evening date outdoors. The object is to stay outside for the course of the evening. That means banging under the stars. Make like your primitive ancestors who never heard of the concept of shame or waiting until marriage. For those hairy bastards it was all banging all the time. Use the beer marinade as an excuse for your barbaric behavior. “It was the booze flavored meat that made me strip down to a fur loincloth, club you and drag you by the hair into my cave!” Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, poultry, RECIPES, summer | Tagged: ancestors, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, barbecue, barbecue rub, bastards, bbq, bbq rub, beer, beer can chicken for 2, beer can chicken recipe, booze, caveman, chicken breasts, chicken out your beer cans recipe, coals, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, fire, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, hairy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, loincloth, marinade, marriage, naked, outdoors, primitive, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shame, summer, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
ELVIS LIVES (TO BANG) SMOOTHEE
June 24, 2015
Elvis has left the building…with your girl
The King is back. Elvis had the right idea with his clever combination of peanut butter, honey, and bananas. A little gold lame and you will be styling even posthumously. You can be the King of your kitchen when you start your morning out with a glass of burning love. Be the hound dog who gets all shook up in the sack, while avoiding singing in some jail with backup dancers in striped prison suits. This smoothee was made on a whim when I had fuck all for ingredients and was ravenous and parched from exhausting morning sex. Simple, fast, effective. The only thing lacking was a throng of screaming girls. Technically there was only one girl screaming my name. But Elvis wasn’t the King overnight so give me time. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, libation lubrication, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: 50’s, 75th birthday, almond milk, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beverage, blend, breakfast, delicious, DIY, drink, easy, elvis presley, food, frozen bananas, game changer, get laid, gourmet, graceland, guarantee, heartbreak hotel, homemade, honey, hound dog, intercourse, jailhouse rock, kitchen, libido, milk, morning, morning sex, naked, peanut butter, recipe, rice milk, rock and roll, screaming girls, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smoothee, smoothie, soy milk, tasty, the king, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
LOX BREAKFAST BRAIN SCRAMBLE
June 22, 2015
Lox me up, because otherwide, I'd break these chains and ravage anything in my sight.
With Valentines Day creeping in like a ninja assassin, you better be ready with you’re A-game if you are seeing someone you like. It’s make or break time that will define where this relationship of yours will progress towards. If you don’t like them all that much, might I suggest a vacation far far away. You don’t want to be anywhere near town with a clinger you’re about to retire. But those of you lucky enough to have that one person you would gladly Cook To Bang every night, you need to start Valentine’s Day off right. There are few better approaches than breakfast in bed. Cliche it may be, but effective at not only dropping panties, but also keeping them off for long gaps of time it is. This fancy scramble from the future us perfect for sending the message that, ìNot only do I enjoy banging you, but also listening to you talk while we eat breakfast together.î If that is not true love, I weep for the future. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Austrian, bang, banging, benefits, black pepper, bodyguard, bok choy, breakfast, chloroform, clinger, coincidental, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lox, morning, motorcade, naked, ninja assassin, olive oil, physiological, recipe, red onion, salt, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, sex to me, smoked salmon, sophistication, steam, steamed, sweet, tasty, UN, valentines day, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 