December 18, 2015
There's room for one more, three's never a crowd.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have a hard time saying no to a three-way. Even if that just means three-sided tofu treats, I’m down. So many good things come in threes. Comedy gold is done in trifecta. My favorite nights of carnal connections involved a third party. Clearly three is company and never a crowd. And what better way to ignite such an evening of exploration and fornication than with some edible treats? These tofu triangles are classy, sassy and won’t leave you gassy. Plus you can appeal to the free loving hippie in all of us by serving tofu. A little curiosity never hurt no one no how! Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, hippie, Japanese, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bi-curious, carnal connections, classy, delicious, DIY, easy, exploration, fish sauce, food, free-loving, fried tofu recipe, fry, game changer, gassy, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hippie, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, libido, lime, marinate, ménage à trois, naked, orgy, recipe, sassy, sauce, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, soy sauce, tasty, three-way, threesome, tofu, trifecta, vegan, vegetable oil, vegetarian, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
December 16, 2015
We’ve only just begun, but I’m down to take my sweet sweet time.
Seduction is all about finesse. You can’t just meet someone, ram your tongue down their throat and expect to enjoy full penetration within 10 minutes. Perhaps if your life is a porno…but the rest of us need to play it cool, even after we break the banging seal. This applies especially to anyone who spends the night that you want to keep around for a little while. If you decide not to fake a family emergency to force them out of your bed, you might as well make them breakfast. Busting out the caviar to sprinkle over your lobster FRITTATA might be overkill. Try something a little simpler that makes an impression like a well-positioned tongue. The parfait is the perfect vehicle for morning foreplay because it takes seconds to hook up something refreshing, healthy and damn tasty. With the morning lubricated by the Parfait Foreplay, proceed with blowing off your plans to bang well into the afternoon. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, Mediterranean, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, breakfast, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, family emergency, food, foreplay, frittata, game changer, get laid, gourmet, granola, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lubricated, morning, naked, overkill, parfait recipe, recipe, refreshing, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberry, tasty, tongue, yogurt, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 9, 2015
Grab ass graciously.
How about a little game of grab ass? With an ass that fine I imagine you’ll be doing a shit ton of grabbing. But how do you grab a handful of cheek without coming off like a perv? First off, you shouldn’t care if they assume you’re perv. The Cook To Bang readership is all pervs and I love you all for your debauchery. But in the effort to maintain a non-creepy mystique, here’s my suggestion: serve this salad. Then blame the grapefruit. All that vitamin C is going straight to your head and making you perform irrationally. Taking a firm hold of their bum is the only natural reaction one could expect with all those healthy ingredients. Chances are that your date will be just as randy since they too indulged. So go with it and grab ass! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, brown sugar, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grab ass grapefruit salad recipe, grapefruit, grapefruit cabbage avocado salad, grapefruit salad recipe, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, perverts, pervs, recipe, red cabbage, salad dressing, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, toss your salad, tossed salad, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 4, 2015
Avoid getting into scuffles when you truffle shuffe.
While CTB has already done the GRATUITOUS GRILLED CHEESE SINWICH to great fanfare, one gourmet grilled cheese sandwich just isn’t enough. Anyone whose been to a grilled cheese contest can tell you there’ more than one way to melt congealed milk. At the GRILLED CHEESE INVITATIONAL, I learned that there are as many variations on the grilled cheese as positions in the Kama Sutra. Since CTB is not about to make grilled cheese the exclusive format, allow me to present this grilled piece of awesome for your dining pleasure. In the interest of full disclosure, I just got truffle oil and am totally and positively gay for it. A little dab works like a super lube, revving up the sexy time explosions in your mouth. Alas, I applied the glorious oil to a grilled cheese lunch. I took my first bite while standing and nearly lost my footing. Luckily the girl I was cooking for was able to break my fall or I would have knocked over the precious truffle elixir and likely licked it straight off the floor. By the time we gobbled down our sinwiches, we danced a shuffle from the kitchen into the bedroom without bothering to wash our hands first. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, fusion, RECIPES, SINWICHES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, burrata, butter, childhood classic, delicious, DIY, easy, elixir, food, full disclosure, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled cheese invitational, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kama sutra, kitchen, libido, lunch, melt, mozzarella, naked, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy time explosion, sinwich, sun dried tomatoes, tasty, truffle grilled cheese sandwich recipe, truffle oil, truffle shuffle, wheat bread, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 2, 2015
Poking around in the dark never tasted so good.
Aloha, hula girls! Kamana wanna laya. That is Hawaiian for, “Come over and I’ll make you dinner.” At least that’s what the tour guide tart said to me on a tropical rainforest walk. Being the unusual tourist with caustic wit is at least good for something. My lack of fanny-pack, Pearl Harbor commemorative t-shirt, and golf hat gave me away. Eager to get away from the family, and, do I really need a reason to jump into the car of an attractive stranger? This lickable local showed me the real Hawaii, including a real Hawaiian bar where my weak sauce knowledge of surfing lingo was mocked. Lucky for my fragile ego, she took me home after for the promised homemade meal. This babe had a badass blade and sliced up sashimi grade ahi tuna her friend caught that morning. I honestly can’t tell you what was better, the poke or the poking. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, Hawaiian, Japanese, RECIPES | Tagged: ahi tuna, ahi tuna poke recipe, aphrodisiac, appetizer, bang, banging, commemorative t-shirt, crushed red pepper, delicious, DIY, easy, fanny-pack, fingerfood foreplay, food, fragile ego, fusion, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, Hawaii, Hawaiian, healthy, honey, intercourse, Japanese, kamana wanna laya, kitchen, libido, lickable, local, marinate, naked, oahu, pearl harbor, poking some poke, raw, recipe, refrigerate, sashimi grade, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sesame seeds, sex, soy sauce, sushi homemade, sushi-grade, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 30, 2015
The plantain train is leaving the station with or without you!
All aboard! This party train is headed for your Caribbean culinary connection. Expect steel drums, tropical breezes and dreadlocks. When you aren’t shaking your booty to some live reggae, you can stuff your face with this CARBOLUSCIOUS treats. The banana’s larger, oven-friendly cousin will capture the island spirit. Baking it makes it a guilt-free snack or compliment to your ENTRÉE. Plantains are inexpensive, robust and totally awesome. Your date won’t expect such a delicious twist. Now do as Bob Marley commands and get with the kinky reggae now! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, Caribbean, healthy, RECIPES, spicy, summer, vegetarian, vietnamese | Tagged: all aboard, baked, baked plantain chip recipe, banana’s cousin, bang, banging, bob Marley, Cajun seasoning, carboluscious, Caribbean, delicious, DIY, dreadlocks, easy, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, guilt-free, healthy plantain chips, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, low fat, naked, olive oil, oven, plantain chip recipe, plantain party train, plantains, recipe, reggae, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snack, starter, steel drums, tasty, tropical breeze, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 26, 2015
Bang that turkey until it's goes gobble gobble gobble!
It’s time for the orphan round up! Many young professional go-getters moved far away from home to chase down a dream…and then bang it senseless. For us, going “home”, that place we grew up where our families and oldest friends are, is an impossibility. For most, it’s a matter of cash, or lack there of (too much cash spent drinking and chasing tail). It could be a matter of time (I’d rather drink), distance (That far for 4 days?!), or annoyance (If I hear dad ask me to explain my job one more time…). Whatever the case may be, you are sticking around for a stay-cation and will be attending a Friends Thanksgiving. What a perfect time to get banged by Little Orphan Annie or Andy!
Now’s the time to pounce on that someone you’ve had your eye on, or one your eye spots this evening. Lonely and single people eating and drinking together is a recipe for magical mistakes. Everyone there including you will be missing your families and seeking comfort. Who are you to deny a holiday hottie the warmth of your bed? You have so much to be thankful for. Show some gratitude by cooking to bang this holiday season. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | holidays, SEDUCTION, THANKSGIVING | Tagged: appetizers, bang, banging, bangsgiving, delicious, dessert, DIY, drinks, easy, food, friends thanksgiving, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, holiday thanksgiving, holidays, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, little orphan annie, naked, orphans, recipe, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dishes, sides, soup, starters, tasty, unsalted vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 25, 2015
I’ll be humping and pumpkin out pies all night long!
Bangsgiving is upon us! It’s time to prepare yourself for a night of indulgence. While the family-values singles makes their way home to justify to their families why they aren’t married with kids yet, there is a large sect of the dating population that ain’t going nowhere. Friends Thanksgivings are a time for those of us “orphans” too poor, lazy or unwilling to make the trek to see our disapproving families. These are perfect times for the savvy and horny people to eat, drink and make merry mistakes. There are usually a few hotties missing their folks back home who will need some comforting. That’s where you come in! Blow their mind with a pumpkin pie bolder and sexier (aphrodisiac triple-threat) than even Aunt Sue-Ellen’s prized pie of ‘07. Once they’ve tasted a sweet piece of heaven, they will go for seconds…of you.
Total time: approximately 90 minutes
Projected cost: $12
Drinking Buddy: Fermented turkey gravy or NAUGHTY EGGNOG
Ingredients (creates 2 pies):
1. 1 handful raw PINE NUTS
2. 20-OZ condensed milk
3. ½ tsp salt
4. 1/3 cup HONEY
5. 1 cinnamon stick
6. 1 tsp vanilla extract
7. 1 tsp ground nutmeg
8. 4 eggs
9. 1 pie pumpkin
10. ½ cup brown sugar
11. 2 pie crusts (room temperature)
12. 1 tbsp fresh GINGER finely chopped
13. 1 tbsp unsalted butter
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 425°F/220°C. Slice the pumpkin in half, scoop out the innards, steam until the pumpkin meat can easily be pierced (approx 15 min), and then scoop the gunk out of the shell.
Step 2
Add the ginger to the pumpkin gunk and puree. Add the brown sugar, butter, honey, vanilla extract, nutmeg, condensed milk, salt and eggs and puree like a champ.
Step 3
Form the pie crust to your pie pan. Ladle in the pie filling, leaving room at the top. Stick the cinnamon stick in the middle of the pie in the dough so it stands at attention as if being aroused.
Step 4
Bake for 10 minutes, remove from the oven and scatter the pine nuts over the top. Turn the heat down to 350°F/175°C and throw the pie back into oven, baking until the top browns and you can push a bread knife into the pie and it comes out clean (approx 45-55 min).
Serve the pie up with whipped cream, ice cream or solo. You’re that good!
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, holidays, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, THANKSGIVING, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac pumpkin pie, bake, bang, banging, bangsgiving, brown sugar, cinnamon stick, condensed milk, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, eggs, food, friends thanksgiving, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, gourmet pumkin pie recipe, ground nutmeg, guarantee, homemade, homemade pumpkin pie, honey, humpin’ and pumkin pie recipe, intercourse, kitchen, libido, merry mistakes, naked, orphan thanksgivings. homesick, pie crust, pie pumkin, pine nuts, pumpkin pie recipe, recipe, salt, savvy, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sue-ellen, sweet, tasty, THANKSGIVING, unsalted butter, vanilla, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 24, 2015
I cream, you cream, we all cream from my filthy food dreams!
I suggest bringing a change of underwear for this one. Decadent doesn’t begin to describe this supernova of creaminess found in this holiday side dish. Don’t feel too embarrassed by your “accident” while eating Cook To Bang style creamed spinach. Chances are everyone else you serve it to will also lose control of their sexual organs and cream in a symphony of sensuality. Expect a flavor orgy. The Thanksgiving may well be swept right off the table as your Friends Thanksgiving turns into a Friends With Benefits Thanksgiving. If you are looking for a more muted, PG-rated side dish you have come to the wrong place. This is the culinary pleasure dome and you are the guest of honor. Serve this dish to a pack of holiday hotties and you will always be the guest of honor.
Total time: approximately 90 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or CHASING GINGER TAIL
Ingredients (serves 4):
1. 1 dash black pepper
2. 1 dash salt
3. 2 dashes ground nutmeg
4. ½ cup heavy cream
5. 1 tbsp unsalted butter
6. 1 large handful shallots finely chopped
7. 1 handful raw PINE NUTS
8. 2 cloves garlic finely chopped
9. 1½ lb fresh spinach
Step 1
Wash your spinach thoroughly, chop off the thick stocks and boil for 2 minutes. Drain the spinach, straining out as much of the water as you can squeeze.
Step 2
Melt the butter in a pan and sauté the garlic and shallots until they become translucent (approx 3 min). Add the spinach, salt, black pepper, nutmeg and pine nuts heat through (approx 2 min). Finally add the heavy cream and cook until the cream reduces in half (approx 2 min).
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, holidays, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, southern, THANKSGIVING, vegetarian | Tagged: accident, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bangsgiving, black pepper, cream in your pants, cream in your pants spinach recipe, creamed spinach recipe, dairy, decadent, delicious, DIY, easy, fattening, flavor orgy, food, friends thanksgiving, friends with benefits, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, gourmet creamed spinach recipe, guarantee, guest of honor, heavy cream, holiday hotties, holidays, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, nutmeg, orgasm, pg-rated, pine nuts, premature ejaculation, recipe, salt, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexual organs, shallots, side dish, spinach, symphony of sensuality, tasty, THANKSGIVING, turkey, unsalted butter, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 23, 2015
Getting randy with candied carrots is dandy.
Carrots are often overlooked as an unsexy, utilitarian vegetable. You might think the coolest thing to do with it is make a nose for Frosty the Snowman. Bully to that I say. Those suckers have never enjoyed the sweet, tender taste of a carrot candied to perfection. They have never used carrots as a side dish so sensational that the entrée looks like a chump. Once they’ve felt their knees knock, toes curl, and eyes roll into the back of their head, they will never sully the good name of carrots again. The beta-carotene alone helping you see your lover clearly in the dark should be reason enough. It’s all about those sweet and savory flavors one-upping each other to give you the first of many oral orgasms. Tongues spasming and dreamy eyes gazing are to be expected. This may not be the most appropriate Christmas dinner side dish considering these Randy Candied Carrots could inspire Grandma to discuss in detail her flings with jazzmen in 40’s nightclubs. But rest assured, you will be the much-lauded champ wherever you bring these.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Depends on the entrée, but tis the season for vino
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 bunch carrots
3. 1 dash salt
4. 1 dash black pepper
5. 1 dash cumin
6. 1/4 stick butter
7. 1 tbsp brown sugar
8. 1 cinnamon stick
9. 1 orange
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Cut the ends off the carrots, wash them and set them in a baking pan. Drizzle with olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast until the carrots soften (approx 30 min).
Step 2
Halfway through the carrot roasting, melt the butter in a pan, adding the cinnamon stick. Peel or zest the orange so you have small slivers. Cut the orange in half. Throw the orange zest, brown sugar, cumin and orange juice in the pan and cook on low until reduce by half (approx 10 min). Add the carrots and stir around in the candied glazy goodness (approx 10 min).
Leave a Comment » | holidays, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: 1940’s, bang, banging, beta-carotene, black pepper, brown sugar, butter, calivirgin, candied carrots recipe, carrots, cinnamon, citrus, cumin, delicious, DIY, dreamy, easy, food, frosty the snowman, game changer, get laid, glazy, gourmet, gourmet candied carrots, grandma, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jazzmen, juice, kitchen, libido, marinate, naked, nightclubs, olive oil, orange, randy, Randy candied carrots, recipe, roast, salt, sauté, savory, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spasming, sweet, tasty, utilitarian, vitamin c, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 