March 2, 2016
There’s no shame in going second so long as it’s sloppy
No one likes to admit to having taken sloppy seconds, but we’ve all done it. We all slip up and go there whether it’s hitting it after your best friend, sibling or in my case boss. As long as you keep it under wraps and don’t allow this booty call to evolve into a five-year relationship then it’s no harm no foul. Just move on knowing you got your forbidden rocks off and got away with it. Well done, MacGuyver! Now you just need to figure out an exit using only dental floss and a used condom. Remember that your relationship with your homie is way more important than a piece of strange they already discarded anyway. But sloppy isn’t always bad. Sloppy can be damn good when stuffed into a bread roll and smothered with avocado. So embrace the tangy terrific taste of a Sloppy Seconds Joe without shame or fear of retribution.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $15
Drinking Buddy: Red wine, beer or a RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (for two):
1. 1 can of cheap beer
2. ½ cup of ketchup
3. 1 tablespoon of Worcestershire Sauce
4. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
5. ½ teaspoon of salt
6. ½ teaspoon of crushed garlic
7. 2 sandwich-sized French rolls
8. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
9. 2 large dried CHILIES chopped thinly
10. 2 orange or red bell peppers chopped coarsely
11. 1 pound of ground beef or turkey meat
Step 1
Warm the olive oil in the stockpot over medium heat. Add the crushed garlic and sauté momentarily before throwing in the bell peppers, turkey meat and salt. Cook and stir until the turkey meat browns (approx 5 minutes).
Step 2
Add the chopped chilies and cook until the spice releases (approx 2 minutes). Pour in the beer, ketchup and Worcestershire sauce and cook until the liquids evaporate and thicken (approx 20 minutes). Turn off the heat and stir in the green onions.
Step 3
Split each roll down the middle, leaving the base in tact. Pull each roll open and spoon in the sloppy Joe mixture, crowning it with avocado if you so desire. Serve it up sloppy, Joe.
4 Comments | 
aphrodisiac, RECIPES, SINWICHES, spicy | Tagged: American, aphrodisiac, bang, beer, bell pepper, bread, delicious, dried chilies, easy, French roll, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green onions, ground beef, ground turkey, guarantee, intercourse, Joes, ketchup, kitchen, naked, olive oil, orange pepper, poultry, recipe, red pepper, salt, sandwich, scallions, sex, sinwich, sloppy, Sloppy Joes recipe, spicy, spicy turkey sloppy Joes recipe, tangy, tasty, turkey sloppy Joes recipe, Worcestershire sauce, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
February 29, 2016
French your breakfast and your date will be Frenching you
Holy shit, it’s a leap year! That means paradox like the English and French getting along. Some say the English need to loosen up. They walk around with their quiet desperation eager to break out of their shells and become the wild men and women that would make their ancestors gasp. This tends to happen whenever limeys leave the UK and travel to exotic locales. Ibiza…nuff said. Perhaps a little French Laissez-faire is just the ticket. So alas, I have employed a little French to make the sexiest English muffin you ever did eat. It was pure accident and the girl I made it for wasn’t even English or French for that matter. But with no bread in sight and my sweet tooth demanding tribute be paid, I made do. I’m sure glad I didn’t have bread because I was down to French these English muffins all morning. My date from the previous night was confused, thinking it a tad early in our affair for me to make proclamations of love. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was speaking to my breakfast. But then she took a bite and the love fest continued well into the afternoon.
Total time: approximately 12 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ¼ cup milk
2. ½ cup maple syrup
3. ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
4. 2 dashes cinnamon
5. 2 eggs
6. 2 English muffins
7. 1 banana
8. 1 tbsp butter
9. 1 handful raisins
Step 1
Create the batter by whipping up the eggs, cinnamon, vanilla extract and milk.
Step 2
Split the English muffins in half and submerge them in the batter. Heat up a pan or griddle on medium heat and grease it with the butter. Throw the soaked English muffins on the pan all together and pour the excess batter over. Cook each side until it browns and flip (approx 3 min per side).
Step 3
While you are Frenching the toast, create the extra awesome syrup. Heat up the syrup in a small bowl, chop the banana into bite-sized pieces and toss them in with the raisins. Cook until the syrup boils and the bananas brown slightly (approx 2 min). Serve over your sexed up English muffins and hold on for dear life.
Serve this breakfast knowing full well that you could swim across the English channel, bridging that cultural gap.
Leave a Comment » | french, fusion, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: ancestors, banana, bang, banging, breakfast, british, butter, cinnamon, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, England, English muffin, food, France, french, French toast English muffin recipe, frenching your English muffin recipe, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, improvise, intercourse, kitchen, Laissez-faire, libido, maple syrup, milk, morning, naked, proclamation, raisins, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, straight-laced, sweet, tasty, UK, vanilla extract, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 26, 2016
Epic fail? Hardly!
There are few sure things in this world. You can count on the sun rising, taxman finding you and herpes to come back with a vengeance. But most promises of satisfaction guaranteed have so many disclaimers that it’s impossible to get your money back. Even banging isn’t always guaranteed to wow when you sleep with a prude without the interest or skills to get your rocks off. My advice is to move on quickly from these cold fish in search of the flippier floppier variety. One rare exception to the litany of disappointments is this healthy, tasty, morning-wood inducing dish. You got your greens, protein and carbs working together to make you the sex machine of the hour. If you do fail to inspire sexy time with this, you might just be a libido-less zombie. You might want to get that checked out.
Total time: approximately 7 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 dashes of black pepper
2. 2 dashes of salt
3. 2 eggs
4. 2 slices of bread
5. ¼ AVOCADO sliced thinly
6. 4 handfuls of fresh kale
Step 1
Remove the stems from the kale and chop coarsely. Throw in boiling water, cook until the kale turns bright green and softens (approx 5 min).
Step 2
Toast the bread and poach the eggs while the kale boils.
Step 3
Place boiled kale evenly between the two slices of bread. Throw the poached egg on top and crown them with slices of avocado. Add a dash of salt and pepper and voila!
Serve up this healthy breakfast to your date in bed, before you get back to the business of banging.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, black pepper, boil, boiled kale breakfast recipe, bread, breakfast, carbs, dawn, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green, guarantee, guaranteed, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kale, kitchen, libido, morning, morning sex, MORNING WOOD, naked, never fail boiled kale breakfast recipe, poach, protein, prude, recipe, roughage, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sure thing, tasty, toast, yummy, zombie | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 24, 2016
Serve this dish up like the sexy Chippendale you are!
Nothing screams out sex appeal for the ladies like a buff dude in a bowtie with a fake collar and cuffs. That’s the Chippendale way. Keeping it classy but lust inspiring at the same time. Make the married ladies scream. Give them something to fantasize about while their husbands bang them with brief, disinterested strokes. Win win. That’s what this stupidly simple dish is about. Tap into the unbridled lust that only bowtie-wearing dancers can inspire. I hope you have your dance revue choreographed. Remember…step forward, step back, spin around, clap and THRUST! Just don’t spill the kick ass contents on the plate while making those moves.
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 6 ounces of dried bowtie pasta
2. 1 8-ounce can of tomato sauce
3. 1 can of TUNA
4. ½ cup of milk
5. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
6. ½ an onion diced finely
7. 2 garlic cloves diced finely
Step 1
Boil the pasta al dente (follow instructions, approx 12 min) and drain. While the pasta boils move onto Step 2. When pasta is done, toss it into the sauce and mix.
Step 2
Heat up the olive oil on medium heat. Sauté the garlic and onions (approx 3 min), adding salt if you so desire. Drain the tuna cans and toss in the pan and cook (approx 2 min) into it. Pour in the tomato sauce cook until it all goes red (approx 2 min). Finally pour in the milk and reduce by simmering on low heat as the sauce pinkens.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, fusion, italian, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bowtie pasta, carbohydrates, carbs, Chippendale, Chippendale tuna past recipe, dancers, delicious, DIY, easy, fish, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lust, male dancers, married ladies, milk, naked, olive oil, onion, pink sauce, recipe, seafood, seduce, sex, tasty, thrust, tomato sauce, tuna fish pink sauce with pasta, tuna pasta sauce, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 22, 2016
Ali Babaganoush and his forty thieving whores
Yowch! Sorry about that. I thought I was pinching someone else’s ass. But it felt so right to have my thumb and index finger sampling your goods. Not bad at all. Now that we’ve gotten past the whole digital sexual harassment woes, you hungry? Figured the drooling, stomach growling and eye fucking my food had to mean something. This spoiling eggplant came through in a pinch. While I recommend cooking with fresh ingredients, we gotta make do in this flaccid economy. Hence, we cook your meals at home and reap the randy rewards. Once roasted, this reborn eggplant brought joy to two very hungry, horny people. Both of our tushes were pinched, spanked and a few things you don’t want to know about.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Crisp white wine
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash cumin
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 tbsp olive oil
5. 2 tbsp tahini (sesame paste)
6. 1 large eggplant
7. 2-3 pitas
8. ½ lemon juice
9. 1 handful parsley chopped
10. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
11. 1 handful de-pitted kalamata olives
Step 1
Preheat oven to 350°F/175°C. Poke eggplant with a fork like a prison-shivving. Throw the abused eggplant into the oven and cook until it softens (approx 30 min). Let the eggplant cool down, then split and scoop out the meat.
Step 2
Puree the cooked eggplant with lemon juice, tahini, parsley, olives, garlic, olive oil, salt, cumin and black pepper.
Step 3
Cut the pita into little pie pieces and arrange around a plate. Slap the babaganoush right in the middle and serve it up with some foreplay.
Leave a Comment » | healthy, Middle Eastern, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: Armenian, baba ganoush, babaganoush recipe, bang, banging, black pepper, condo, condom-ments, cumin, delicious, DIY, easy, finger, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, flaccid economy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, horny, intercourse, kalamata olives, kitchen, large eggplant, lemon, libido, Middle Eastern, naked, olive oil, parsley, pinch your tush, pita, puree, reborn, recipe, roasted, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexual harassment, spoiling, tahini, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 17, 2016
Peep this pack of perfect peppers, player!
Some of my best friends are peeping toms. Society tells these voyeurs to be ashamed. But I ask you, how different is it to watch someone in person then watching asinine strangers in a reality show? Once you get used to hand prints left from peering into your window and your flowerbed continually being crushed, it’s really not so bad. Voyeurs are essentially pleasure-delayers. I personally subscribe to the hedonist school and want it all a week ago. But I respect their patience. This soup is like that. Roasting takes a dedication. Are you up for the task of slow-cooking a perfect soup so that you won’t have to “take it slow” later? I hope so because sometimes, every once in a while, I mean a long while, it is totally worth it to hold it back. Like an orgasm you manage to stretch out an extra 5 seconds by grunting. “Oh yeah! That’s it. Here we go. Unnnnggggghhhh!”
Total time: approximately 90 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Ice tea, lemonade or an ice-cold beer to cool you down, Perv Master Flex
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 red bell peppers
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. 1 teaspoon of salt
4. 2 cups of vegetable stock
5. 1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper
6. 2 teaspoons of bay leaves
7. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
8. 1 onion chopped coarsely
9. 2 tomatoes
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F. Wash the red peppers and tomatoes, dry them off, and place them all into a large glass or metal oven-safe bowl. Roast them until the skin blacks and separates from the veggie meat (approx 45 minutes). Remove the tomato and peppers from the bowl and place them in a plastic bag that you will seal and leave in the fridge to cool (approx 20 minutes). Take the bag out of the fridge and dump the contents, leaked juice included, back into the roasting bowl. Slowly remove the skin from the peppers and tomatoes. Finally pull out the stalks and chop it all up coarsely and set aside.
Step 2
Heat up the olive oil in a stockpot on medium heat. Toss in the garlic and cook until it whitens (approx 30 seconds), then follow up with the onions that you will cook until they become translucent (approx 2 minutes). Flavor it all up with the salt, cayenne pepper and bay leaves before mixing in the roasted peppers and tomatoes.
Step 3
Dump in the vegetable stock and bring to a roaring boil on high heat, then turn the heat down low and simmer with a lid on until the veggies soften (approx 20 minutes). Puree the soup up using a Cuisinart, blender or hand blender (as pictured) and serve with a feeling of accomplishment. You’re terrific.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bay leaves, cayenne pepper, cold weather, comfort food, delicious, easy, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand blender, hot, HOT LIQUID LOVE, intercourse, kitchen, lunch, naked, olive oil, onion, orgasm, peeping tom, pleasure delayer, puree, recipe, red bell pepper, Roasted red pepper and tomato soup recipe, roasting, romance, salt, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, spicy, tasty, tomato, vegetable stock, vegetarian, voyeur, warming, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 15, 2016
Some food has the power to transform a good day into a great day. We’ve all experienced a meal so freaking amazing that we talk about it years, sometimes decades later. Don’t get me started on this penne eggplant bowl I enjoyed on Italy’s Amalfi Coast. Let’s just say I had to smoke cigarette after…and I don’t even smoke! But there are certain dishes that are not only memorable, but cause clothes to melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West. Whore. The Portobello Bordello is one of those dishes. It is not only loaded with APHRODISIACS, but an edible orgasm of flavor, texture and attitude. Be warned: those with heart problems may not be able to handle this mushroom dish’s pure unadulterated awesomeness. The rest of you should not fear stuffing the mushroom. Odds are there will be some serious stuffing to follow.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $16
Drinking Buddy: White wine or champagne
Ingredients:
1. 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise
2. ½ tablespoon of honey
3. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
4. ½ teaspoon of salt
5. ½ teaspoon of paprika
6. 1/3 cup of bread crumbs
7. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
8. ½ red bell pepper chopped coarsely
9. 6 ounces of lump crab meat
10. ½ a jalapeño chopped finely
11. 1 small handful of shredded Parmesan
12. ½ a lemon worth of juice
13. 2 large Portobello mushroom caps
14. 4 avocado slices (not pictured)
Step 1
Create the stuffing by mixing up the green onions, red bell pepper, lemon juice, jalapeño, crab meat, parmesan, bread crumbs, mayonnaise, honey, salt and paprika in a large mixing bowl.
Step 2
Wash the Portobello mushrooms then scrape away the black gills with a spoon and cut out the stem. This will allow more room for stuffing. Pour olive oil over the mushroom tops, then flip them over and place them in a small baking pan. Pour in half the stuffing into each cap and spread out evenly.
Step 3
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Throw in the baking pan full of stuffed mushrooms into the oven and bake until the stuffing browns (approx 35-40 minutes). Serve it up on top of a large leaf of lettuce. Garnish each cap with 2 avocado slices and serve it up knowing full well IT’S ON!
5 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, baked crab, bang, bread crumbs, crab, Crab stuffed Portobello mushroom recipe, delicious, dinner, easy, entree, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, honey, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, lemon, main course, mayonnaise, naked, olive oil, paprika, parmesan cheese, Portobello mushroom, recipe, red bell pepper, romance, romantic, salt, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, stuffed Portobello mushrooms, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 14, 2016
Taste the love!
The day is upon us. Tis a day so loaded with sentiment and expectation that you can cut the anxiety with a knife. The romantically inclined celebrate V Day as if you combined the significance of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, Quanza, New Years and Groundhog Day. A single rose or the karats in a diamond become more important than the cures for cancer, the failing economy and erectile dysfunction. It CAN be a beautiful thing.
But I advise the players out there to turn off your phone, unplug your computer and, if necessary, fake your own death. Get off the grid for a few days. Let the Romantic Armageddon pass you by while you play Nintendo in your fallout shelter. Otherwise you are inviting a shit-storm by being disingenuous. What’s the point? The consequences will extend way past February and may involve a restraining order because your car brakes were cut. There are 364 other days to get laid without propping up your carnal connection as genuine lovemaking.
All cynicism aside, Valentines Day provides an amazing opportunity to COOK TO BANG. Sure you can go to some fancy restaurant. But why? You’ll drop your whole paycheck on the check for overpriced, crappy food and service. And that’s if you can even get a reservation. Keep it casual at your place and you are sure to have a great meal, plus round upon round of monkey sex. The extra effort you put into cooking something exceptional from scratch will demonstrate you truly do care, even if you don’t. With that in mind, below are some CTB favorites that will send the right message, whatever that message might be:
“SORRY I HAD A THREESOME WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND AND SISTER.”
So you messed up big time. Wipe the smirk off your face because now that you’ve gone to heaven, you have to crawl your way out of hell. It’s time to pull out the big guns and prove that you deserve a second, third or tenth chance:
FLAT ON YOUR BACK FLATBREAD PIZZA
PORTOBELLO BORDELLO
PINCH YOUR ASS-BERRY BROWNIES
“IF IT WASN’T VALENTINES DAY I WOULD HAVE DUMPED YOU ALREADY.”
You meant to end things before Christmas, but you thought that seemed cruel. Then their cat died in January. So now it’s V Day and while their voice makes you want to go postal, you must bide your time before you say adieu. Go for the bare minimum, but try to avoid the inevitable nagging and save yourself a few bucks for when you become single:
SU-SWEATY BALLS-O-YAY!
LET’S BANG S’MORE
“YOU’RE JUST A BOOTIE CALL”
Same sentiment as above. This person falls into the category “If You Don’t Love Somebody, Love the One You’re With.” Bootie calls are a fragile relationship. They haven’t met your friends and family for good reason. Don’t give the impression they ever will. But at the same time, don’t ever let that on, even if it seems obvious since you have never called them before 11pm:
TOMATILLOS PARA MIS AMIGOS BENEFICIOS
KISS MY PEANUT BUTTER TITTIES
“HAVE WE REALLY BEEN DATING FOR 4 YEARS?”
Yes, I’m afraid so. Clearly this relationship is an extended fling you both have just gotten used to. But that doesn’t mean you can just opt out of this most romantic of days. And since you are clearly just going through the motions, try this menu out. You might just eke out a little pleasure-free sport-fucking.
YES WE CAN-TALOUPE!
SUCK-ULENT SUSHI SINWICH
LECHEROUS LEMON BARS
“I KICKED EVERYONE ELSE TO THE CURB FOR YOU.”
So you are a reformed player now. You burned your black book, canceled your Internet dating account, and said goodbye to your stable of sexpots. The person you are with is just that much better than those other bimbos/mimbos. Show them how you feel with a menu that says “You’re worth not having great sex with a different person every night.”
TAP THAT ASS-PARAGUS SOUP
BEGGIN’ FOR BACON WRAPPED SCALLOPS
BALLS-ON-IT BALSAMIC STRAWBERRIES
“WE JUST STARTED DATING, BUT I REALLY REALLY DIG YOU!”
Head over heels, are we? Glad to hear it. It’s time to show them just how spectacular they are. Clearly this relationship is new and you don’t want to come on too strong. But you want to plant seeds that will blossom into two trees intertwined. So dazzle them without overwhelming them with a little culinary flare.
DON’T ARTICHOKE YOUR CHICKEN
MISO HORNY COD
DOUBLE DIP THE TIP IN CHOCOLATE
“WILL YOU MARRY ME?”
It’s time to pop the question. You’re thinking, “So what if proposing on Valentines Day is cliché?” Forget the haters, put your player days behind you, and get on your knees…after you serve up something special.
CAMBODIAN LOVE ROLLS
SMACK MY BISQUE UP
MACKA-DADDY-A CRUSTED AHI WITH PONZU ISRAELI COUSCOUS
STROKE MY BANANA FOSTER
1 Comment | RECIPES | Tagged: ahi, aphrodisiac, appetizer, asparagus soup, Balsamic strawberry recipe, Bananas Foster, bang, best friend, bisque, bootie call, brownie, cambodian, cantaloupe, chocolate, cod, cookies, delicious, dessert, dinner, drinks, easy, fish, friends with benefits, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, Lemon bar recipe, Miso cod recipe, naked, obama, Peanut butter chocolate cookies, pizza, Portobello mushroom, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, Shrimp mango bisque, simple, sister, smores, soup, Spaghetti bolognaise, spaghetti bolognese, spring rolls, Steamed artichoke recipe, supper, sushi, Sushi sandwich recipe, tasty, threesome, tomatillos, tuna, valentines day, wrapped cantaloupe recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 12, 2016
This dish love you long time!
The Cook To Bang classic recipe is back in time for Valentines Day. Few recipes are this effective at harnessing the power of gastrosexuality. The Japanese approach everything with perfection in mind from manga to ninjas to oral. Miso cod is no exception. It’s a little sweet, a little savory, and 100% banging. The tender fish breaks off into scrumptious flakes and is complimented by the steamed bok choy. The flavors battle on your tongue in a perfectly choreographed samurai duel. Your date will love you long time.
Total time: approximately 3 hours (mostly marinating fish)
Projected cost: $15
Drinking Buddy: Sake, beer or a dry white wine
Ingredients (for two):
1. ¼ cup of sake*
2. 1/3 cup of mirin*
3. ½ cup of sugar
4. ¾ cup of white miso paste*
5. ½ a lemon worth of juice
6. 2 tablespoons of soy sauce
7. 2 black cod filets*
8. 4 baby bok choys*
*all of these items are available at any Japanese/Asian market
Step 1
On medium heat, boil the sake and mirin for 20-30 seconds until the alcohol cooks out. Add the miso paste and cook until the chunks dissolve into the liquid. Finally, mix the sugar in and cook until it dissolves. Set the pan aside and allow the miso sauce to cool.
Step 2
If necessary, de-bone the fish fillets. Pat the fillets dry with a paper towel. Slather up the fish with the miso sauce so they are fully coated with miso goodness. Leave the fish in a bowl and cover with saran wrap. Allow the fish to marinate in the miso sauce at least 2½ hours (the longer it marinates, the tastier it will be).
Step 3
When the fish is ready, preheat your oven to broil. Wipe off the excess marinade and place the fillets in a baking ban. Broil the fish until it the surface starts to brown. Remove the pan, and then preheat your oven to 400 degrees F. Throw the fish back in and cook 10-15 minutes longer.
Step 4
While the fish is baking, steam the baby bok choy until the leaves wilt and turn bright green. Mix the soy sauce and lemon in a separate bowl and it toss the steamed bok choy. Serve the fish and bok choy artfully on the plate. Your date should be remarkably wowed.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, IT’S ON!-TREES, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: bang, black cod, bok choy, delicious, easy, fancy, fish, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, Japanese, kitchen, miso, miso cod, Miso cod recipe, naked, recipe, romance, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 10, 2016
Lights, camera, hardcore action!
Winter vegetables are way kinkier than anyone credits them for. It’s sort of like the meek librarian who sluts it up in Vegas or the mild-mannered accountant that spends his lunch hour at a dominatrix dungeon. There’s always something sinful underneath the surface. Sometimes you just gotta dig a little. You dig? That is what I learned when I threw a little get together for my winter veggie friends. We all had a few drinks, noshed on some shrooms, and then played some Al Green. What happened next was straight out of a bad 70’s porno. The radish made cad remarks to the broccoli about her fine looking stalk and then broke out some aphrodisiacs they used as sex toys. Once things got saucy there was nothing I could do but grab the camera like a good porn director would. Fingers crossed that my little veggie porn wins at the 2010 AVN Awards for best Group Sex and/or Midget Felatio Film.
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Cabernet
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 1 dash salt
2. 1 tbsp OYSTER sauce (substitute w/ soy sauce to make vegan)
3. 2 tbsp sesame oil
4. 1 white radish
5. 1 head broccoli
6. 2 tbsp GINGER finely chopped
7. 1 tbsp BASIL finely chopped
8. 1/2 package mushrooms sliced thinly
Step 1
First rinse the white radishes, chop up the stems, and slice radish rounds thinly. Wash the broccoli, chop the ends of the stock away so the trees break apart, and chop up the broccoli leaves if you have them.
Step 2
Heat up the sesame oil in the pan on medium heat. Saute the ginger (approx 1 min). Lay the radish evenly around the pan, adding the basil and salt, cooking until they soften (approx 3 min). Throw in the broccoli, broccoli leaves, radish stems, and mushrooms. Stir-fry away once you add the oyster sauce until the leaves wilt and broccoli softens (approx 4 min).
This stir-fry is a perfect solo act, but would do nicely with something CARBOLUSCIOUS.
4 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Chinese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: 1970’s porn, 2010, 70’s porno, adult video news, al green, aphrodisiac, asian, avn awards, bang, banging, basil, broccoli, cad, china, Chinese, delicious, DIY, dominatrix, dungeon, easy, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, group sex, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, las vegas, libido, midget felatio, mushrooms, naked, oyster sauce, porn director, recipe, salt, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, sex toys, shrooms, stir fry, tasty, vegas, white radish, winter vegetables, winter veggie stir-fry orgy, winter veggie stir-fry recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 