June 13, 2014
You got to lick it before you potstick it!
Innovation generally is born out of desperation, or so I learned creating this appetizer. I returned home briefly after an extended absence and didn’t even bother to take my luggage out of the car. Off to a birthday party I went, eager to connect with old friends, and make a few new ones. My reputation at the party for being a great cook preceded me. One of the guests was especially keen to find out just how much I know about food. We spent most of the night discussing food, our bodies inching closer and closer as we spoke with passion and lust for fine cuisine. I’m not sure exactly how it went down, but we bailed on the party before the cake was served (the food was uninspiring anyway) to whip something up at my house. Only problem was my fridge was empty except for some frozen potstickers, condiments galore and the three strawberries my roommate had leftover. With my cooking game’s reputation on the line, I threw down the gauntlet and made this random piece of awesomeness. My new friend was impressed and gave me props for efforts once that night and twice in the morning. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Chinese, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, challenge, delicious, DIY, easy, empty fridge, food, fusion, game changer, gauntlet, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, Potstick your spicy strawberries, potstickers, random, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, soy sauce, spicy, spicy sweet, Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce, strawberries, tasty, traveling, vegetable oil, yummy | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 9, 2014
Jane says, “I’m gonna kick tomorrow.” Yeah right! These summertime rolls are too damn good!
With much respect to Jane’s Addiction. Better music to bang to there could not be. Nothing beats a summertime roll in the hay. Summer sex is sweaty, sticky, and sumptuous. When all have been said and done properly, some light fare is in order. The summer appetite is for something light and refreshing. Heavy, saucy things just don’t do a body warmed by the sun good. That was my conclusion after hiking through the Angkor Wat and Thom ruins all day in the blazing Cambodian heat. The Canadian backpacking aspiring anthropologist/stone cold hottie I met by the tree growing out of the cracks of a crumbled temple and I collapsed into a booth at an empty restaurant when we got back to Siem Riep. Ms. Canada held up two fingers up and we were brought two Angkor beers and two shrimp spring rolls. The nibbles recharged my aching body and overwhelmed sense of wonder. It also got the ball rolling on a beautiful evening performing a clothing optional duet of “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, cambodian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, summer | Tagged: Angkor, Angkor thom, Angkor wat, anthropologist, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beer, Canada, Canadian, cold stone hottie, delicious, DIY, duet, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, jane's addiction, kitchen, libido, mint, naked, oh Canada, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp summer rolls, siem riep, southeast asia, summer, summer rolls, summertime rolls, sweet chili sauce, tasty, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 2, 2014
There ain’t nothing awful about these waffles
There’s something glorious about stuffing one’s mouth with something hot, sticky and delicious. Close your eyes and experience Shangri La as the sweet and subtle flavors swirl around your taste buds like a Brazilian capoeira dancer. Each mouthful is a unique snowflake of flavor, texture and subtlety. Take your time down there. Enjoy the ride and be precise with your oral actions. Be careful not to rush through because then no one will get their culinary rocks off. That is the art of making waffles awesome rather than awful. Sure you could toast up a frozen Eggo and be done with it. But that’s like settling for watching porn when you have a porn star signaling you to bed. The extra effort is always worth it and will pay off in dividends when it’s time to consummate. So indulge yourself when the weekend rolls around. Take your time to surprise that slumbering sexpot who blew your mind and a few other things last night and twice this morning. They are worth it and so are you. A word of caution: waffles are sexy, but not when stuck to your bed sheets. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: baking powder, bang, berries, blueberries, blueberry waffle from scratch, Blueberry waffles recipe, brazil, brazilian, breakfast, brunch, butter, capoeira, cinnamon, delicious, DIY, easy, egg, eggo, flour, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, maple syrup, margarine, milk, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, porn, porn star, powdered sugar, recipe, sex, Shangri la, sugar, sugary, sweet, tasty, waffle, weekend, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 26, 2014
Ants are crawling all over my log…and I like it!
The ants! They’re crawling all over me! It’s so terr-…no wait. It’s actually rather awesome. All those little legs tickling my unmentionables. It’s a like an orgy with hundreds of participants, except they don’t talk, won’t get preggers and most likely don’t have full body herpes. If you get over the whole gross aspect of getting freaky with insects, than you got yourself a party. And should it ever get a little weird and awkward, you can always bail and squash those six-legged lovers of yours. Or better yet, just simulate it by recreating a classic childhood snack for a program intended for a mature audience. Who is the audience you ask? The ants of course! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: Ants on a log recipe, ants on my log, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, celery, childhood snack, cute, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fast, food, full body herpes, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, insects, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mature audience, naked, orgy, peanut butter, preggers, raisin, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sweet, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, treat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 16, 2014
Be invested in vestal virgins devirgination.
Being a vestal virgin in the Roman Empire was a pretty sweet gig. The priestesses had only to perform sacred duties in the temple and not give into sexual temptation. It must have been difficult laying around all day in loose fitting togas in bathhouses. You can be sure that there were a few brash Roman dudes who wanted a piece of that priestess ass. Luring one of these holy hotties over to the baser world of grunts and fluids required finesse. No doubt, some of these young fools would fight each other to the death in gladiator style. Suckers. The smart ones would employ the Cook To Bang method. This simple sandwich with vivacious veggies courtesy of Gods Pomona & Facunditas could break their cursed celibacy spell.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 4 spreads of Dijon mustard
2. 2 handfuls of mozzarella
3. 2 English Muffins
4. ½ an AVOCADO
5. 4 BASIL leaves
6. ½ a pear cut sliced thinly
7. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
8. ½ a tomato sliced thinly
Step 1
Split the English Muffins and spread Dijon mustard on each half. Place slices of pear, tomato, basil and avocado. Drop a handful of mozzarella cheese and crown it with green onions.
Step 2
Toast the sandwiches to dark brow or bake them at 350 degrees F until the cheese melts.
Serve the sinwiches up some HOT LIQUID LOVE.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SINWICHES, vegetarian | Tagged: ancient rome, aphrodisiac, atkins, avocado, bang, banging, basil, dairy, delicious, dijon mustard, DIY, easy, English muffins, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mozzarella cheese, naked, pear, recipe, roma, roman, sacred fire of vesta, seduce, sex, tasty, toast, tomato, vegetable melt recipe, veggie melt recipe, vestal virgin, vestal virgin veggie melt recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 15, 2014
Prescription-strength delicious
It’s party time! The night is full of possibilities. You have your date lined up. You are pretty sure things are good to go. So don’t leave the cocktails to chance. Class wherever you’re going up with some watermelon ice cubes. You can turn a boring vodka soda into a superbly subtle recipe for delectable debauchery. Watermelon is a bonafide aphrodisiac that has the same compounds that Viagra offers to get guys’ pistons firing at full speed. The juicy melon is mostly water, with a refreshing flavor that does your body right. Allow the cube to melt and the watermelon particles break away, turbo-charging your drink for the night ahead. If an erection lasts for more than four hours…go with it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, bang, booze, chilly, cocktail, cold, cube, delicious, drunk, easy, fancy, frozen, fruity, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, ice, intercourse, kitchen, mixer, naked, natural, new years eve, party, recipe, refreshing, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sweet, Viagra, watermelon, Watermelon ice cubes, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 14, 2014
- Experimenting in the kitchen leads to experimenting in the bedroom.
Experimentation makes the world go round. Where would we be without Ben Franklin accidentally barbecuing himself with a kite? I approach cooking with the same punk rock philosophy. My instincts usually lead to success, but every once in a while I crash a burn. My culinary experiments usually take place behind closed doors, the windows drawn, and a former Mossad security team keeping out the paparazzi. I can’t have my cooking rep suffer should I create a black hole of shame in my kitchen. There were these peanut butter cookies I made without sugar that were so bad they will follow me to into grave and end up stuffed in my suit pocket. Every once in a while a new recipe needs to be attempted on the spot. This skeptical lawyer whose ass still looks banging under her pantsuit was concerned when she saw me peel a tangerine and shell shrimp. “You’re putting that in my eggs?” I calmed down this sexpot lawyer that dominates in the courtroom and bedroom by pouring coffee into one of my beloved PHOTO MUGS. She drank the java, then ate her words, and entire plate, even forking away one of my shrimp! my lawyer lover ended up being late to her deposition because she subpoenaed me between the sheets. CTB 1 – LAW 0. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beat, black hole, black pepper, bodyguard, calivirgin, cilantro, delicious, deposition, DIY, easy, eggs, electricity, experiment, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, inventor, kitchen, lawyer, libido, low-carb, mossad, naked, olive oil, peanut butter cookies, protein, recipe, salt, sauté, scramble, security team, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp tangerine scramble, skeptical, sweet, tangerine, tangy, tangy bangy shrimpy scramble, tasty, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 12, 2014
Tequila to kill ya inhibitions and ability to tell right from wrong.
Tequila makes you crazy. No one who’s ever spent a night in college trying to bang an empty keg will argue with that. But that is what we love about it. Any and all sordid and possibly illegal acts we perform can be blamed on the mysterious Mexican firewater. I blame tequila even when I’m sober, usually when apologizing for banging someone I shouldn’t like my brother’s “off limits” friends. So this drink gives you carte blanche to act like a total madman/woman. And while you’re at it, you get a healthy dose of vitamin C from fresh squeezed OJ (there is no substitute for fresh squeezed; concentrate is totally whack). And if your health and taste aren’t enough, just think about that purty sunrise you can watch at any time of day or night. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | libation lubrication, mexican, RECIPES | Tagged: alcohol, bang, banging, bevvy, booze, carte blanche, cocktail, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fresh-squeezed, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grenadine, guarantee, homemade, illegal, intercourse, kitchen, libido, madman, maraschino cherry, Mexican firewater, mexico, naked, off limits, oj, oranges, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sober, sunset, tasty, tequila, tequila sunrise recipe, tequila temptation sunrise, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 9, 2014
Just say no to crack. But say yes to smacking that sea bass!
Did you hear that crack? That’s the sound of my hand against flesh? You know you love it. Denying it is as believable as a crackhead swearing the car stereo in his hand was a birthday gift. So just enjoy the pleasure this gives you like you would a massage with a happy ending. There’s no shame in indulging in life’s simple pleasures. Your date will no doubt agree when you let them taste a little of your thunder. That is, after they catch their breath. So bring the noise and don’t hesitate to smack this dish loud and proud. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, awesome, basil, DIY, filet, fish, gourmet, green onion, grill, grilled sea bass, healthy, homemade, juice, lemon, low fat, marinate, nuts, olive oil, Pistachio encrusted sea bass recipe, pistachio meats, protein, pulverized, salt, seafood, smack that ass, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 7, 2014
What did one ball say to the other? "Who's the prik king in the middle?"
I know what they’ve been saying. All that negativity and name-calling! I can dismiss it as petty jealousy, a result of being this awesome. But even though you can interpret it as a compliment, it still hurts. You know? Packing heat is a blessing, but goddamn! Even the most gifted culinary Casanovas have feelings that get bruised when mean things are said. So what if someone calls me the Prik King? Clearly they are jealous of my royal status and largess of dowry. All the red curry and green beans in the world won’t change the fact that I am living the dream, while they can only dream. It’s a start. But why can’t we compromise? Perhaps the haters could learn from me instead and in turn use their new skills to create a better life. OR they can keep smack talking and in turn make me look even cooler and more dangerous to the opposite sex. Either way, I win. But there’s room for more winners on the podium. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | asian, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, spicy, thai | Tagged: bang, banging, chicken, classic, culinary Casanova, delicious, DIY, dowry, dream, easy, food, game changer, get laid, goddamn, gourmet, green beans, guarantee, haters, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, largess, libido, meat, naked, name-calling, negativity, onion, packing heat, podium, poultry, prik king recipe, recipe, red curry, royal, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smack talking, spicy, sugar, tasty, thai, thai food, Thailand, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 