November 6, 2012
Yes you will!
Cook To Bang is taking a day off from sexy talk to brandish you with self-indulgent politics aside. Forgive the latte liberal over here and vote. The US was founded on this inalienable right. The last four years were hard. It might seem that unfortunate circumstances are cock-blocking your future. Remember that out of tragedy comes opportunity. Innovation is the bastard child of inconvenience. So when bread goes stale, make CROUTONS. Burn the chicken and you got one awesome meal for the dog. If the condom breaks…never mind. Always trust your instincts, follow your heart and life will rewards you. And never ever skip out on the finer things in life, like COOKING AND BANGING. Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, italian, RECIPES, SEDUCTION | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, basil, cantaloupe, delicious, easy, finger food, foreplay, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, italian, kitchen, melon, naked, olive oil, prosciutto, recipe, romance, romantic, sea salt, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, wrapped cantaloupe recipe, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
September 5, 2012
Chase down that wet dream of yours!
I’ll be totally unoriginal and admit that I am a white man that loves the Asian ladies. The way they smell, their svelte bodies, their graceful ageing, their wiry pu…I’ll stop there. But unlike the majority of clichéd white boys chasing something exotic they’ve never tried, I actually started off my banging career with an Asian girl. My first girlfriend, and subsequently the girl who took my V card, was Thai. She told me her mother was Thai royalty, which I want to believe, but don’t quit buy since she drove a Hyundai. But it’s funnier saying I lost my virginity to a Thai princess. Regardless of royal lineage and dowry, this girl taught me well. Every lover who followed has benefited from her tutelage. The sad part is I started off with such a bang that many of the white girls that followed were boring by comparison. I am an equal opportunity banger, and get down with all colors of the rainbow. But part of me is still chasing those first tender, somewhat innocent moments with some choice yellowtail. This choice sashimi plate loved up by the ponzu sauce and fired up from the jalapeño slices should seal just about any Cook To Bang deal. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: appetizer, asian fetish, asian girl, equal opportunity banger, finger food, food, game changer, guarantee, healthy, Hyundai, intercourse, jalapeño, Japanese, libido, light, ponzu sauce, princess, recipe, sea salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, spicy, starter, sushi-grade, thai, v card, virginity, yellowtail | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 17, 2012
Via Bangria via mi cama
This recipe comes from Mandy in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We had to include a boozy recipe with summer finally here. Mandy writes:
Sangria in summer is necessary for me as the free clinic is to a hooker. I can’t live without some cold fruity wine as the sun beats down. The best way to enjoy it is with as little clothing as possible. No clothing is best. There’s no better way to cool you down after stick summer sex. Plus you can pick out the fruit and eat them off your play pal. The best part of this recipe is that it’s a portable party for backyard BBQs, pool parties, or orgies. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | greek, libation lubrication, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spanish, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, apple, bang, banging, bangria, bbq, blackberry, booze, delicious, DIY, easy, Florida, food, free clinic, fruit juice, fruity, Ft. Lauderdale, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mandy, mix, naked, on the go, orange, pool parties, portable, recipe, refreshing, refrigerate, sangria, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soak, spanish, summer, summertime, tasty, via, white sangria, white wine, white wine sangria recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 24, 2012
Polenta it all off, the skivvies too.
Making those pesky clothes vanish is easier than you’d think. Despite the popular folklore that you first must pass a series of relationship tests in order to get there, au contraire. The scientists working around the clock in shifts down in the Cook To Bang lab have discovered a way to leapfrog that major time suck. Polenta draws people sharing it for reasons I could only explain via a Glenn Beck crazy chart. It has the effect even with polar opposites like a hipster honky in pants tighter than the sororitease he’s banging’s black fuck-me pants. Don’t question the science. It just works, like gravity. Or condoms*. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, hippie, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, baking powder, baking soda, bang, banging, bottle service, butter, cookies, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, egg, flour, food, game changer, get laid, gift, gourmet, grease, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, recipe, resourcefulness, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slanging, strawberries, sugar cookie recipe, sugar daddy, sugar daddy cookies, sweets, tasty, thoughtfulness, vanilla extract, vegetable oil, white sugar, who’s your daddy, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 9, 2012
Don’t commit hari kari! You got so much banging to do…
Dead sexy. That is how they describe those who got in my way. To my nemeses, you are on notice: don’t mess with my cooking or banging game! I trained in mountains of Japan not only to cook amazing Japanese dishes and bang geishas by the bushel, but to kill when necessary. Wielding a knife is already second nature to me. That’s merely in addition to my ability to climb walls with suction cups, assassinate foreign dignitaries in their sleep, and then bang their mistresses. It’s almost unfair to my rivals, but life is a series of injustices that I am slowly correcting. I have to make up for my yellow Walkman being smashed by a neighborhood bully when I was 8. If that means cooking, banging, and occasionally killing bad guys, so be it! These oysters are one of many tricks up my ninja sleeves. They render prudes powerless to control their unbridled lust. Hi-ya! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, assassinate, broil, bully, deadly, figs, food, foreign dignitaries, game changer, geisha, get laid, ginger, green onion, guarantee, intercourse, japan, Japanese, Japanese baked oyster recipe, libido, mayonnaise, oysters, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, Sex ninja oyster recipe, spicy, sriracha chili sauce, walkman | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 8, 2012
Be sure no bear steals your picnic basket while you’re banging in the woods.
Food on the go doesn’t always mean artery-shattering fast food in greasy paper bags. Call it a picnic and suddenly you’re the classiest bastard alive. Cooking at home certainly makes post-meal banging a foregone conclusion, but sometimes you need to mix it up. Taking your homemade treats elsewhere can be an adventure that allows your date to get comfortable with you. The clear advantage to a picnic date is not blowing your paycheck at a restaurant. Plus it’s romantic in spite of it being a tad cliché. My retort to that is women always flock to recycled cliché romantic comedies ad nausea. Many a picnic date have yielded me randy rewards. One went so well that I was cited in a park for public indecency when my date and I were caught in the backseat of her Prius, which was surprisingly roomy. Apparently all the parents of impressionable youngsters didn’t appreciate our tomfoolery. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, SEDUCTION, summer, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: appetizers, bang, banging, Beaches, cheap, cliché, Concerts, delicious, desserts, DIY, easy, finger food, food, fresh air, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, Hikes, homemade, inexpensive, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, on the go, Outdoor festivals, outdoors, Parks, picnic, picnic baskets, picnic to bang, Plays, public indecency, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, tomfoolery, yogi bear, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 25, 2012
Blackened Catfish, blacker heart
I like my catfish to match the color of my heart: black. At least that’s what every girl I just banged has said. Apparently sleeping with someone with no emotion beyond “boy that was fun, but the fact she hasn’t left yet is starting to annoy me” is not nice guy behavior. Who knew? I try to make up for my morally bankrupt existence through my culinary endeavors. Who’s to say that cooking a meal worthy of Jesus, Moses, Mohammed or Yoda can’t redeem oneself? This blackened catfish should at least temporarily make up for my blackened heart. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, southern, spicy | Tagged: bad boy, bang, banging, black pepper, blacked catfish recipe, blackeded heart catfish, butter, Cajun catfish recipe, catfish, cayenne pepper, creole, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jesus, kitchen, lemon aphrodisiac, libido, lousiana, marinate, mohammed, moses, naked, New Orleans, nice guy, pan-fry, paprika, recipe, red wine vinegar, salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, southern, spicy, star wars, tasty, yoda, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 27, 2012
Somewhere over the rainbow, something's turning me on. Must be my Wizard of Oz fantasy.
Nothing gives me a chubby like an aesthetically pleasing plate of food. Not only does it satisfy the hunger pangs, but the emotionally pangs as well. Mark my words, nothing inspires sexy time dessert quite like a beautifully presented meal. How it tastes is almost secondary to how it looks on the plate. Shallow? Perhaps. But don’t question the rules of culinary seduction unless you want that chard on to go to waste. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, healthy, hippie, italian, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aesthetically pleasing, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, calivirgin, carboluscious, carbs, cook, crushed red chili flakes, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hard on, healthy pasta dish, hippie, homemade, intercourse, italian, kitchen, leafy, lemon, libido, linguine, naked, olive oil, pasta, rainbow chard on linguine, rainbow chard pasta recipe, rainbw chard, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shallow, tangy, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 9, 2012
Turn the key and turn them on!
Sometimes banging someone is a struggle to achieve from the get go. Whether they have morals, romantic notions, or are gold diggers that expect a signed contract allocating your internal organs, it can be a pain in the ass. Wouldn’t it be much easier if said piece of ass would open with a simple twist of the key? My thoughts exactly. So I locked myself in the CTB R&D lab for months trying to figure out the formula to turn any meal into a panty skeleton key, but alas I was foiled. But during the course of my CTB travels, I stayed at one such challenge’s home. While she was at work, I rummaged through her kitchen and shopped for a few extra goodies. When she came home on her lunch break, I had this sandwich waiting for her. Let’s just say she was a little late to work and had to explain a questionable stain on her pantsuit. These pics are the meal I made that cracked the code…and bed frame. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, MORNING WOOD, poultry, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baguette, bang, banging, breakfast, cayenne pepper, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gold diggers, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Italian parsley, kitchen, lab, libido, morning, naked, olive oil, pantsuit, panty skeleton key, r&d, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, turkey breakfast sandwich recipe, turkey burger patty, Turkey turnkey sexfast sinwich, turnkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 2, 2012
With this soup, you’ll always say, “Check mate!”
You are looking oh so fine!
I’ll warm you up and make you mine,
Ignore these less than stellar rhymes,
Just say yes to a little wine and dine!
Your creamy texture makes me yell,
I get all bent for your spicy smell,
Orgasms peak at the dinner bell,
Making the pious say, “What the hell?”
You make a player from a leper
A cocky bastard from a half-stepper
I collect coin with every endeavor
Cause you’re my little bell pepper.
Total time: approximately 80 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: LECHEROUS LEPRECHAUN
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ tsp of CAYENNE PEPPER
2. ½ tsp of cumin
3. 1 can of chicken stock (veg for vegan)
4. 1 tbsp olive oil
5. ½ can of coconut milk
6. Black pepper to taste
7. ½ tsp of garlic salt
8. 3 red bell peppers
9. 1 onion chopped coarsely
Step 1
Roast the bell peppers in the oven at 400 degrees F until the skin blackens (approx 45 min). Remove from oven and throw them in a sealed bag. Refrigerate until they cool (approx 15 min), remove the skin and chop coarsely.
Step 2
While awaiting the peppers to cool, sauté the onions with the olive oil on medium heat. Add the garlic salt, cayenne pepper and cumin and cook in the flavor (approx 5 min). Add the red bell peppers and the black pepper and let them soak up some taste (approx 2 min).
Step 3
Pour in the stock, bring to a roaring boil, and then simmer closed until the veggies soften (approx 15 min). Puree the madness and then add the coconut milk and stir thoroughly.
2 Comments | RECIPES | Tagged: bang, banging, black pepper, cayenne pepper, chicken stock, cocky bastard, coconut milk, cumin, delicious, DIY, easy, endeavor, fine as hell bell pepper soup recipe, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, orgasm, poem, poetry, puree, recipe, red bell pepper, rhyme, roasted bell pepper soup recipe, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spicy, tasty, thai style bell pepper soup, vegan, vegetable stock, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 