August 27, 2014
Slap some sugar, lemon, balsamic, then put them balls on it!
DESSERT is the time when a Cook usually turns into Bang. Many final courses like cheesecake that take over a day to make, like a slow, patient seduction. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to holler at the moon so long as you do in fact holler. But we live in a culture that wants everything yesterday. In fairness to the instant gratification crowd, here’s an instant dessert that is healthy, tasty, and quick on the go. Do not fear the balsamic vinegar for it is your friend. The fusion of the powdered sugar, fructose from the berries and the vinegar is like some mystical alchemy that preps your tongue ready for more adventuresome travels. Be sure to hand-feed these to your date, thus fostering the intimacy you will no doubt exploit for your own perverted gains. I have made this outstanding standout for more dates than I can remember and not once have I been refused. Won’t you join our merry band of culinary pranksters? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, Mediterranean, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Balsamic strawberry recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, berries, citrus, delicious, dessert, easy, fast, fructose, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand feed, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, strawberries, strawberry dessert recipe, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
August 13, 2014
Shroom Shroom Ka’Boom!
Feel that rumbling? That’s not your stomach growling for something homemade and delicious. It’s the sound of a dance party emanating from a sandwich, reverberating across the room and making everything turn raver-licious. Close your eyes and you will see strobe lights. Suddenly we are all wearing baggy pants again and dancing with glow sticks, blissfully unaware how ridiculous we look to anyone sober. Like we care, right? It’s 1999 all over again and I know the DJ. Think of this shroom burger as the ultimate disco biscuit. It is so damn good, you feel like you are high on god knows what. You will certainly appear more attractive to whomever you serve it to. Now the two of you can shadow dance with your hands like epileptic classical music conductors. Rave on ‘til the break of dawn! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES, SINWICHES, spicy, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, baggy pants, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, boom, chili, classical music conductor, dairy, delicious, disco biscuit, DIY, dj, easy, epileptic, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled, grilled onions, guarantee, hamburger buns, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, mayonnaise, mozzarella cheese, naked, olive oil, Portobello mushroom burger recipe, rave, raver, raver-licious, recipe, sandwich, seduce, sex, shrooms, sinwich, spicy, spicy mushroom burger recipe, summer, tasty, tomato, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 11, 2014
Act like a Rockefeller with Oysters Bang-a-Feller.
Ladies, there’s nothing wrong with banging a feller. Speaking from the POV of a feller, banging is the only thing that makes us feel special. All the fancy cars and diamond encrusted Rolexes are just means to get banged. So make like a goddamn Rockefeller and indulge in the rich oyster power. The aphrodisiac supernovas of the sea will get your loins revving like a golf cart run on plutonium. Slurping them down will make you feel momentarily like the richest feller on the planet. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, seafood, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bacon, bang, banging, breadcrumbs, broil, brown, butter, Cajun, delicious, diamond, DIY, easy, fancy, feller, fill, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, golf cart, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, indulge, intercourse, John d. Rockefeller, kitchen, lemon, libido, Louisiana, naked, New Orleans, onion, oysters, oysters bang-a-feller recipe, oysters Rockefeller recipe, parsley, plutonium, recipe, rich, rolex, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, spinach, supernova, tasty, wealthy, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 1, 2014
Morgina? Aye yi, el capitan!
I discovered this drink purely by accident. While visiting New York, a friend brought me to one of the last games played in Yankee Stadium. Responsible members of society that we are, we pre-gamed in the subway. Serendipity inspired my friend to get a bottle of Captain Morgan’s while I was thirsty for a little Eurotrash soda and went with Orangina. As a lark, we combined forces and something magical happened. Two derelicts boozing on the subway caught their own lightning in a bottle! As the booze kicked in, we became spokesmen for our new beverage. I’m sure we frightened most of our fellow subway riders, but if we inspired only one other person, it was worth it. The game itself was uneventful. Truth be told, I don’t remember most of it. But after the game we caught up with some girls we me out at a bar the other night. The ladies did agree that we reinvented the wheel with our new beverage. We got muy intoxicado and carried on like pirates into the wee hours sans clothing. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | Caribbean, libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, banging, baseball, beverage, booze, captain morgans, cocktail, delicious, derelict, DIY, drunk, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, libation, libido, lime, liquor, mint leaves, mix, naked, new york, orangina, pirates, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, serendipity, sex, spiced rum, spokesmen, subway, tasty, Yankees, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2014
I wrapped these tasty morsels up in lettuce and God said it was good.
You read that right. These lettuce wraps are no joke. Dr. Atkins is saluting them from his cloud in heaven. How could this much flavor be packed into such a low carb treat? Is it a miracle? Did God communicate this recipe to me from atop the mountain like Moses on Mount Sinai? The answer to all these questions is “You damn skippy!” This creation has absolutely nothing to do with the fact there was no bread in my house. Poppycock to those heretics who suggest otherwise. And the crowd of one I served it was certainly happy and surprised by the result. She too doubted that it would work. But I converted her into a believer. Can I get an amen? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, dairy, healthy, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: amen, atkins, bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq sauce, believer, calivirgin, cheese, chicken, chicken lettuce wrap, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, god, gourmet, grilled, guarantee, healthy, heretic, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, low-carb, mayonnaise, moses, mount Sinai, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, onion, pear, poppycock, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 28, 2014
Get a room? What’s wrong with a little exhibitionism? You get a room!
No doubt, some ninny has scolded you for PDA’ing the night away. They are just jealous of your mojo and spontaneity. It’s not your fault they aren’t inspired to engage in carnal acts in public, possibly in a suburban shopping mall or on a merry-go-round. Chances are they haven’t banged properly since the Reagan administration. Tough titties. You on the other hand still have a pulse and should cry out, “To hell with you cock-blocking conservatives!” Grab that special someone’s ass and pull them towards you. Encourage them to open their mouth and feed them something refreshing and sensual…like this salad. The fresh tomatoes will dance on your tongues like another tongue, preparing them for the inevitable closing move that will ruffle the feathers of every starched shirt in a 10-mile radius. Know in your heart that you haven’t done your job until you get complaints from the morality morons. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: avocado, balsamic reduction recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, buffalo mozzarella, cheese, conservative, delicious, DIY, easy, exhibitionist, fiber, game changer, get a room, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heirloom salad, Heirloom tomato salad recipe, heirloom tomatoes, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, liberal, merry-go-round, morality, naked, pda, public display of affection, quick, rainbow chard, Reagan Administration, recipe, seduce, sex, shopping mall, starched shirts, suburban, tasty, toasted sunflower seeds, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 23, 2014
They serve this fried delight at the Heartbreak Hotel
Elvis has left the building…in a body bag. Too many fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches I suppose. I can’t explain it, but hipsters love them some Elvis. Must be the irony associated with his gold lamé suit, mutual love of pills and consumption of odd foods sure to leave you bloated and possibly dead on the shitter. Cook To Bang does not endorse this behavior nor the hipster lifestyle. But this sandwich is a delicious lark to share with your hipster lover after an ironic banging session. Just be sure to crank some Elvis tunes, you hunk a hunk of burning love. (That burning is Chlamydia, by the way.) Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SINWICHES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: banana, bang, delicious, dessert, easy, elvis, elvis presley, elvis sandwich, fancy, fast, fattening, fried, fried peanut butter and banana sandwich, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lunch, naked, peanut butter, presley, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, Sexier than elvis sinwich, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 18, 2014
Come on a banging safari with me!
The Beach Boys sang about surfing safaris. They’d travel the world surfing and singing their little hearts out. Not a bad idea, except substitute banging for surfing, and singing for grilling. Now we’re talking about a trip to remember. We can squeeze in some waves and singing while in the final throes of banging. But it’s all about beach time fun time all the time. You don’t have time to waste in the water when you have hot tanning bodies waiting for you to invite them to chill out while you grill out. Use the surfboard as a prop and hint that you just won a lifetime supply of sunscreen. Offer to rub some of your grand prize onto their shoulders and lure them over to your beach shack. Demonstrate your skills out of the water and grill them up some crazy easy, low-calorie tacos that won’t harm their swimsuit bod. Now comes the easy part of the safari. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: avocado, bang, banging safari, barbecue, bbq, beach, beach boys, black pepper, calamari, calamari steak, cayenne pepper, corn tortillas, delicious, DIY, easy, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grilled calamari tacos recipe, grillin' like a villain, grilling, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, let’s go surfing now, low calorie, low fat, mexican, mexico, naked, olive oil, onion, protein, recipe, seduce, sex, shack, squid tacos, sunscreen, suntan lotion, surfboard, surfing, Surfing safari, swimsuit, tacos, tasty, tomato, water, waves, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 16, 2014
Which Costa Boasta the Mosta Rica Chicas?
I have traveled the world sampling the finest food and women. Each has its own unique taste, smell and overall experience. Some are memorable like this simple chicken sandwich in a baguette I ate in Paris, while the same thing I ate in Des Moines, Iowa was as forgettable as that Matt LeBlanc show after Friends. The same can be said about certain late night rendezvous where I’ll never forget the first girl to show up at my house with strawberries and cream, but am trying to forget about the one who brought BBQ sauce and coleslaw. This research is done in the name of Cooking and Banging. I do not take it lightly! But one particularly memorable CTB story took place in Costa Rica. I met a senorita that laughed at me from the beach as I attempted to surf. My Spanglish worked well enough to charm her into inviting me over for a post-surf lunch. This chica’s abuela was making this chicken dish in her tiny kitchen. I ignored her granddaughter and assister her in making this dish. The ploy to choose the chica’s grandmother’s company over hers became a double checkmate. Not only did I learn and document an awesome new recipe, but the semi-jealous chica also made sure that I was completely satisfied after lunch in the hammock. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | costa rican, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: achiote, bang, black beans, butter, chicken bouillon, chicken consome, chicken in salsa recipe, cilantro, costa rica, costa rican, costa Rican chicken dish, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green peppers in salsa, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, main course, mushrooms in salsa, naked, onion, Pollo en salsa recipe, recipe, red bell pepper, rice, seduce, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 17, 2014
Salsa your way across the dancefloor to the snack table for more salsa!
This recipe comes courtesy of Derek in Denver, CO. This badass tomatillo salsa recipe has been scoring him smoking hot granola girls by the bakers dozen. Derek writes:
Salsa salsa salsa! Nothing like a simple a perfect combination of Mexican spices, flavors, and cajones to inspire some sexy time. We got the right amount of flavor and heat without sending anyone home crying for their mommies. And this will come in handy as you lay out your finest game. I find that this recipe is all that and a bag of chips. Tortilla chips. I hope your readers enjoy as much I have enjoyed the fairer sex of Colorado! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, mexican, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bakers dozen, bang, banging, boil, cilantro, Colorado, delicious, denver, Derek, DIY, easy, fairer sex, flavorful, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, granola girls, green onions, guarantee, heat, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, limes, mexican, mexico, mix, mommies, naked, puree, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, spicy, tasty, tomatillo salsa recipe, tomatillos, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 