November 11, 2015
Lickable leeks + penetrated potatoes = sensual soup
Nothing can top a good leeking. Pull your mind out of the gutter because I speak only of soup and soup-related matters. And on the subject of soup, you can’t really beat hot liquid love. No, siree! This soup almost makes you wish the winter would drag on. To those snowed in with cabin fever, I said ALMOST. After hauling your ass in from the brutal bitch slap of old man winter you want something hearty to bro-hug you back to life. Lucky for you, potatoes and leeks keep quite well until the bitter end of frost. So do us all a favor and put the gun down and pick up a knife…to cut some veggies. We have abstained from using heavy, fattening cream in the hope that you don’t abstain from banging afterwards. As comforting and gratifying as this healthy, homemade soup is, there is no substitute for a warm body to touch inappropriately. So let one lead into the other. This recipe was brought to you by the International Association of Soup Groups. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, winter | Tagged: bacon, bang, brown sugar, butter, comfort food, delicious, easy, flavorful, fresh, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy potato leek soup, hearty, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leek, leeking, low fat, naked, old man winter, olive oil, Potato leek soup recipe, potatoes, recipe, romance, salt, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, soup group, stew, tasty, therapeutic, turkey bacon, vegetable stock, vegetarian, winter, yummy | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 6, 2015
Go ahead, drink up that mystical gypsy potion!
The sound of castanets and Flamenco guitar riffs echo through the streets. I see a momentary flash of a beautiful figure in a black dress sauntering towards, and then she’s gone. Carmen? Is that you again? It seems that every time I eat Spanish tapas and drink sangria she appears. That unattainable Spanish hard body has been haunting my subconscious ever since I first laid eyes on her in a bar in Valencia. There I was, the gringo in the corner of the Spanish nightclub sipping my first sangria. Carmen crossed the room towards me, took my glass and downed it, then led me onto the dance floor. She wrapped on leg around my hip and I melted. The filthy suggestions she breathed heavily into my ear in her native tongue sent my mind skitso. Carmen sent me for one last round of sangria. When I eagerly returned she had vanished. To this day I don’t know if she was real or a hallucination brought on by a sangria overdose. That is why I make sangria now. Perhaps Carmen will return or, at the very least, I can turn the woman I serve it to into Carmen…for the night. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, libation lubrication, RECIPES, spanish | Tagged: alcohol, bang, Barcelona, booze, Carmen, dance, delicious, DIY, drink, easy, flamenco, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, guitar, gypsy, homemade, intercourse, international, juice, kitchen, lemons, liquor, Madrid, naked, orange, recipe, red wine, romantic, Sangria recipe, sauce, seduce, sex, spain, spanish, Spanish drink, strawberries, tapas, tasty, Valencia, vodka, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 26, 2015
Wango Tango Bango!
The tango is an Argentinean dance unparalleled in its complexity. Yet it is oh so much more than an awesome way to sweep someone off their feet in Buenos Aires. The seductive essence of tango runs deep in all things done with panache. You can tango on the tennis court, in the kitchen, and most decisively in the bedroom. Tango requires skill, passion and attitude unparalleled. But you are clearly clever enough since you are reading this. Pulling off a culinary seduction tango should be no more difficult than unsnapping a bra. So invite over the vivacious vegetarian, or vegan if you have the patience, or just someone sexy who likes fabulous food. Keep that rose in your teeth as you serenade them from the dining room to the bedroom. Bravo! Bravo! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, greek, IT’S ON!-TREES, mexican, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Argentina, argentine, Argentinean, avocado, baked, bang, bra, bravo, Buenos Aires, cayenne pepper, cheddar cheese, cilantro, corn tortillas, dance, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, panache, paprika, pepper, recipe, salt, sauté, seduce, sex, spicy, tango, tasty, tofu, tofu taco recipe, Tofu taco tango, tomato onion, tomato paste, vegan, vegetable oil, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 19, 2015
“I’m long, and I’m strong, and I’m down to get the friction on!” – Sir Mix-A-Lot
Chicken salad makes most people think of a backyard luncheon on a Sunday afternoon after church. The respectable ladies wear their hats, fan themselves with the hymnal handouts, and nibble on dull chicken salad made with chicken, mayo, and sliced celery. I don’t blame you for dismissing chicken salad as a big old snooze-fest. But what if you substituted Mrs. Anderson’s usual yawn-inducing specialty with the Cook To Bang version turbo-loaded with all things banging? You got yourself a Whitesnake video in the backyard. The ladies will rip holes in their Sunday best, crawl across the foldout tables, and shake their teased hair around as if there’s an oversized fan conveniently blowing. The men, the good reverend included, will headbang and mosh, Jell-O cubes flying everywhere. Careful where you serve this salad! Cook To Bang is no liable for the aftermath.
Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, LEAFY & LOVELY, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, artichoke hearts, backyard, bang, banging, basil, cheese, church, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, food, friction chicken salad recipe, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, headbang, homemade, intercourse, Jell-O, kitchen, libido, luncheon, mayonnaise, mosh, naked, parmesan, recipe, rotisserie chicken, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snooze-fest, sun dried tomatoes, Sunday best, tasty, whitesnake, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 16, 2015
If you don’t like succulent food, you can suck it.
Can you slice a watermelon with a katana blade? Do you use nunchucks to pound out pizza dough? Can you catch a fly with chopsticks? Then you are a kitchen ninja. Clearly your rigorous training has paid off because your culinary concoctions are deadly delicious. You make the knuckleheads competing on Top Chef look like low-level samurai sous chefs. Now it’s time to drop a sake bomb in your home kitchen in the ultimate mission: sexual culinary conquest. There’s an unattainable geisha whose lotus flower has not been plucked in many rice harvests. It’s time to mix your Japanese fighting style with some Western flavor to make funky fusion food. Assemble your fiercest weapon: APHRODISIACS and make your sensei proud. Should you fail, you must perform hari-kari. Now go get ‘em, you nasty ninjas! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, french, fusion, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood, SINWICHES | Tagged: ahi, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, burger, delicious, easy, fusion, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, hamburger buns, intercourse, Japanese, kitchen, lime, mayonnaise, naked, recipe, romance, sandwich, seared ahi sandwich recipe, seared ahi tuna, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, sprouts, succulent, sushi, Sushi sandwich recipe, sushi-grade, tasty, tomato, tuna, tuna burger recipe, wasabi, wasabi mayonnaise recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 12, 2015
Lox them up and throw away the key!
Parents, you have been warned. Now that this ridonkulously easy recipe is public knowledge, the world of culinary seduction just got a little easier. All those innocent girls yearning to spread their wings shall descend upon the bait laid out for them. Once they’ve had a taste of this forbidden fruit, all bets are off. I know that the Religious Right are gritting their teeth and preparing a contingency plan. Sorry, suckers. There’s nothing you can do now but pray really HARD. The rest of us will be cooking and BANGING really HARD. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, healthy, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, awesome, bait, bang, boursin, cheese, classy, daughters, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, finger food, fish, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, Lox spread, naked, perfect, recipe, seafood, seduce, sex, smoked salmon, spread, tasty, trap, water cracker, wings, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 9, 2015
Mamacita Carnitas will make you bang like cheetahs
Hey hey Mamacita!
So glad to meet ya!
Come over, I’ll treat ya
So sit and down eat, yah?
Mexican food brings me much joy and comfort. Somehow I don’t feel unique for that. Pretty much every date I’ve served sumptuous South of the border nibbles responds in kind. The hot like a cheetah mamacita just comes out. It’s on at that point with no turning back. You can’t close Pandora’s box of bodacious body bumping. So heed my disclaimer: Unimaginable pleasure will result from whipping these carnitas up. Those with whack taste buds and distaste for debauchery should probably find a new recipe site. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, mexican, poultry, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, brown sugar, carnitas recipe, cayenne pepper, chicken breast, chicken carnitas recipe, cilantro, corn tortillas, debauchery, delicious, details magazine, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, mamacita carnitas, mexican, mexico, naked, onion, orange, Pandora’s box, paul kahan, pork, pork butt, poultry, recipe, salsa, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chili, sex, south of the border, spicy, tasty, tomatillo salsa, vegetable oil, water, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 5, 2015
Dont be a prick-ly pear.
All earthly creatures do it in their own way. Giraffes do it standing up, their long necks intertwined. Male spider monkeys will grab their female partner mid-air, hump them, and release before they even hit the ground. Humans have all kinds of mating rituals from courting over food, to bringing in toys to “bring the spark back”, to discussing the relationship ad nausea post-coital. And within the human genus, we have countless subsets of this behavior. We are an odd species to be sure. Aliens who enslave us two decades from now will be hard-pressed to figure out how to get us to toil away on the Vectarion reactors. I’ll make it simple for them: give us food and let us bang. We’ll take it from there, Remulox. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, fusion, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alien conquerors, aliens, bang, banging, blend, cactus, cilantro, condiment, condom-ments, delicious, discussing the relationship, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, giraffe, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, human genus, intercourse, jalapeños, kitchen, libido, lime, mating rituals, mexican, mexico, naked, nopales, post-coital, prickly pear, recipe, remulox, salsa, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex toys, sexual practice, sexual practice cactus salsa, spicy, spider monkeys, tasty, vectarion reactor, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 21, 2015
Shrimping and pimping and bed sheet crimping
It’s time to apply the philosophy of MTV’s Pimp My Ride to your dinner. Say you have a taco recipe that is so-so. Your tacos will feed hungry people, but chances are no one you’ve served them to have torn off their clothes to show their appreciation. That is a damn shame Cook To Bang will rectify. We’re taking a simple taco recipe, supping it up with aphrodisiac-laden flavor, and letting that shit ride across your plates then down your gullets faster than you can say, “I’ll get some protection.” I learned a similar recipe while acting a fool in Baja California chasing senoritas while downing margaritas. These tacos sure made my beach side dalliances more enjoyable. I smuggled the recipe across the border along with some fireworks and KABOOM! Pleasant pimpin’. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, mexican, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, Baja California, bang, banging, bbq, beachside, black pepper, cabbage, corn tortillas, cumin, delicious, DIY, easy, fireworks, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kaboom, kitchen, libido, margarita, mexican, mexico, mtv, naked, oregano, pimp my ride, pimp my shrimp taco recipe, protection, recipe, salsa, salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, senoritas, sex, shrimp, shrimp taco recipe, smuggle, taco, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 14, 2015
So Mac-a-licious, you'll lick the dishes
If you make this dish, then you da mack! This dish takes the childhood classic and turns it on its head so it’s strutting its sexy stuff across your dinner table. Be ready with a line about how you came up with this recipe remenisce about giving your playground sweetheart a wildflower (I don’t mind you claiming this recipe as your own as long as it gets you laid; if you fails then I will haunt your dreams). Truth be told, I hated mac and cheese as a kid because the flavor and texture was bland as Kansas. Done right, mac and cheese will compliment any continental meal from fried chicken to pork chops and beyond. The bountiful bevy of cheeses and the spicy jalapeño become a techno dance party in your mouth. This boring classic has the much needed flare like that player at the bar getting girls attention with the pink feather boa, but not obnoxious. Remember, you make this side dish right and it will be by your side for many more mouth-water culinary conquests. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, RECIPES, SINWICHES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: American, aphrodisiac, bang, childhood classic, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gouda, gourmet, Gourmet macaroni and cheese, guarantee, intercourse, jalapeño, kinky, kitchen, mac and cheese, macaroni, mozzarella, naked, post-coital, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, sinful, soul food, spicy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 