September 5, 2014
Once you go Greek, you don’t go back…unless you’re squeamish
The Greeks sure know how to live. They have amazing islands, beautiful tan people and ouzo that pours out of every faucet. Seriously. I actually took an ouzo shower in Mykonos. But the shower was in a club and my Greek friends were pouring it over my head. My first thought was I had pissed off one of the girls by telling her she looks like the homely older sister of the goddess Athena. Thankfully this goddess-like mortal didn’t lose my sarcasm in translation. The ouzo shower was her mating call. Naturally the boorish American read it wrong thinking I had offended her. Believe it or not, that happens a lot. It took a few more alcoholic hosings and a passionate kiss on the dance floor to finally get it. I was crystal clear as the Mediterranean Sea when she led me down to the beach like a Trojan horse. Now I fully comprehend what it means to go Greek. Interesting. What’s also interesting is the island nation’s produce. Super healthy, tasty Greek Salads will fuel many ouzo shower-filled evenings. Do Zeus proud and go Greek! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
greek, LEAFY & LOVELY, Mediterranean, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: Athena, Athens, balsamic vinegar, bang, cucumber, delicious, Dionysius, dish, easy, fast, feta cheese, game changer, garlic, get laid, going Greek, gourmet, Greece, Greek dressing, Greek salad, Greek salad recipe, green pepper, guarantee, healthy, healthy salad, heart healthy, intercourse, kalamata olives, kitchen, lunch, meal, Mediterranean, naked, oregano, recipe, red onion, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, yummy, Zeus | 
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Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2014
I wrapped these tasty morsels up in lettuce and God said it was good.
You read that right. These lettuce wraps are no joke. Dr. Atkins is saluting them from his cloud in heaven. How could this much flavor be packed into such a low carb treat? Is it a miracle? Did God communicate this recipe to me from atop the mountain like Moses on Mount Sinai? The answer to all these questions is “You damn skippy!” This creation has absolutely nothing to do with the fact there was no bread in my house. Poppycock to those heretics who suggest otherwise. And the crowd of one I served it was certainly happy and surprised by the result. She too doubted that it would work. But I converted her into a believer. Can I get an amen? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, dairy, healthy, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: amen, atkins, bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq sauce, believer, calivirgin, cheese, chicken, chicken lettuce wrap, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, god, gourmet, grilled, guarantee, healthy, heretic, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, low-carb, mayonnaise, moses, mount Sinai, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, onion, pear, poppycock, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 28, 2014
Get a room? What’s wrong with a little exhibitionism? You get a room!
No doubt, some ninny has scolded you for PDA’ing the night away. They are just jealous of your mojo and spontaneity. It’s not your fault they aren’t inspired to engage in carnal acts in public, possibly in a suburban shopping mall or on a merry-go-round. Chances are they haven’t banged properly since the Reagan administration. Tough titties. You on the other hand still have a pulse and should cry out, “To hell with you cock-blocking conservatives!” Grab that special someone’s ass and pull them towards you. Encourage them to open their mouth and feed them something refreshing and sensual…like this salad. The fresh tomatoes will dance on your tongues like another tongue, preparing them for the inevitable closing move that will ruffle the feathers of every starched shirt in a 10-mile radius. Know in your heart that you haven’t done your job until you get complaints from the morality morons. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: avocado, balsamic reduction recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, buffalo mozzarella, cheese, conservative, delicious, DIY, easy, exhibitionist, fiber, game changer, get a room, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heirloom salad, Heirloom tomato salad recipe, heirloom tomatoes, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, liberal, merry-go-round, morality, naked, pda, public display of affection, quick, rainbow chard, Reagan Administration, recipe, seduce, sex, shopping mall, starched shirts, suburban, tasty, toasted sunflower seeds, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 18, 2014
Come on a banging safari with me!
The Beach Boys sang about surfing safaris. They’d travel the world surfing and singing their little hearts out. Not a bad idea, except substitute banging for surfing, and singing for grilling. Now we’re talking about a trip to remember. We can squeeze in some waves and singing while in the final throes of banging. But it’s all about beach time fun time all the time. You don’t have time to waste in the water when you have hot tanning bodies waiting for you to invite them to chill out while you grill out. Use the surfboard as a prop and hint that you just won a lifetime supply of sunscreen. Offer to rub some of your grand prize onto their shoulders and lure them over to your beach shack. Demonstrate your skills out of the water and grill them up some crazy easy, low-calorie tacos that won’t harm their swimsuit bod. Now comes the easy part of the safari. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: avocado, bang, banging safari, barbecue, bbq, beach, beach boys, black pepper, calamari, calamari steak, cayenne pepper, corn tortillas, delicious, DIY, easy, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grilled calamari tacos recipe, grillin' like a villain, grilling, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, let’s go surfing now, low calorie, low fat, mexican, mexico, naked, olive oil, onion, protein, recipe, seduce, sex, shack, squid tacos, sunscreen, suntan lotion, surfboard, surfing, Surfing safari, swimsuit, tacos, tasty, tomato, water, waves, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 16, 2014
Which Costa Boasta the Mosta Rica Chicas?
I have traveled the world sampling the finest food and women. Each has its own unique taste, smell and overall experience. Some are memorable like this simple chicken sandwich in a baguette I ate in Paris, while the same thing I ate in Des Moines, Iowa was as forgettable as that Matt LeBlanc show after Friends. The same can be said about certain late night rendezvous where I’ll never forget the first girl to show up at my house with strawberries and cream, but am trying to forget about the one who brought BBQ sauce and coleslaw. This research is done in the name of Cooking and Banging. I do not take it lightly! But one particularly memorable CTB story took place in Costa Rica. I met a senorita that laughed at me from the beach as I attempted to surf. My Spanglish worked well enough to charm her into inviting me over for a post-surf lunch. This chica’s abuela was making this chicken dish in her tiny kitchen. I ignored her granddaughter and assister her in making this dish. The ploy to choose the chica’s grandmother’s company over hers became a double checkmate. Not only did I learn and document an awesome new recipe, but the semi-jealous chica also made sure that I was completely satisfied after lunch in the hammock. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | costa rican, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: achiote, bang, black beans, butter, chicken bouillon, chicken consome, chicken in salsa recipe, cilantro, costa rica, costa rican, costa Rican chicken dish, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green peppers in salsa, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, main course, mushrooms in salsa, naked, onion, Pollo en salsa recipe, recipe, red bell pepper, rice, seduce, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 15, 2014
Prescription-strength delicious
It’s party time! The night is full of possibilities. You have your date lined up. You are pretty sure things are good to go. So don’t leave the cocktails to chance. Class wherever you’re going up with some watermelon ice cubes. You can turn a boring vodka soda into a superbly subtle recipe for delectable debauchery. Watermelon is a bonafide aphrodisiac that has the same compounds that Viagra offers to get guys’ pistons firing at full speed. The juicy melon is mostly water, with a refreshing flavor that does your body right. Allow the cube to melt and the watermelon particles break away, turbo-charging your drink for the night ahead. If an erection lasts for more than four hours…go with it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, bang, booze, chilly, cocktail, cold, cube, delicious, drunk, easy, fancy, frozen, fruity, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, ice, intercourse, kitchen, mixer, naked, natural, new years eve, party, recipe, refreshing, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sweet, Viagra, watermelon, Watermelon ice cubes, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 9, 2014
Just say no to crack. But say yes to smacking that sea bass!
Did you hear that crack? That’s the sound of my hand against flesh? You know you love it. Denying it is as believable as a crackhead swearing the car stereo in his hand was a birthday gift. So just enjoy the pleasure this gives you like you would a massage with a happy ending. There’s no shame in indulging in life’s simple pleasures. Your date will no doubt agree when you let them taste a little of your thunder. That is, after they catch their breath. So bring the noise and don’t hesitate to smack this dish loud and proud. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, awesome, basil, DIY, filet, fish, gourmet, green onion, grill, grilled sea bass, healthy, homemade, juice, lemon, low fat, marinate, nuts, olive oil, Pistachio encrusted sea bass recipe, pistachio meats, protein, pulverized, salt, seafood, smack that ass, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 28, 2014
Toss it, toss it, TOSS THAT SALAD!
“Sometimes you gotta get your apple cleaned!” says my friend working overseas in Hong Kong. I don’t know what that means, but sure. I suppose you could say the same for getting your salad tossed. I’m still unclear on what exactly that means, but I know it’s filthy so get down with the get down. But rather than get lost in semantics, why don’t I tell you a little about this recipe? This dish is sure to get what ever you want tossed. Just don’t toss your cookies, unless you’re into that kinky German shit. Pour me another hefeweizen if that’s your bag. The era of the wrap may be waning, but quick healthy nibbles never go out of style. Portable salad can bring the nasty noise wherever you want to go. A horny hike? Yes! Sex on the beach? Big time! On the International Space Station? Cum in, Houston! The Toss Your Salad Wrap can also be served on a platter to a party where you can pick up a few phone numbers. This SINWICH is just that versatile. You should be too. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | Mediterranean, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: avocado, baked chicken, bang, burrito, Caesar dressing, chicken breast, delicious, dijon mustard, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled chicken, guarantee, healthy, healthy salad, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lettuce, lunch, naked, portable, recipe, romance, Salad wrap recipe, sandwich, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, tortilla, toss your salad, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 18, 2014
Bangeroon, buckeroo!
Cookies are more than just a sweet distraction from life’s miseries. The crumbs we discover months later embedded in our couch’s fibers are a reminder of the moments of elation they bring. The Girl Scouts have come and gone, but we still want out cookies! And coconut brings out thoughts of the tropics and sun-bathed bodies. So get marooned on a desert island with a plate of bangaroons. Use these cookies as a peace offering for the sexy island girls or boys. Hopefully they aren’t headhunters. If they are, use this magnificent confection to convince them you are a god that should be worshipped. The secret ingredient (hint: rhymes with fineapple) will woo even the most skeptical savage. These cookies are also are unleavened for any of you chosen Cook-To-Bangers attending a Seder. Mazel Tov for being so goddamn sexy! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | holidays, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, bangaroons, coconut milk, cookies, delicious, dessert, DIY, easter, easy, egg whites, game changer, get laid, girl scout cookies, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, jewish, kitchen, Macaroon recipe, mazel tov, naked, Passover, pineapple, powdered sugar, recipe, seder, seduce, sex, shredded coconut, simple, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, treat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 7, 2014
Polenta them down, all the way to the ground.
Sometimes you have to take decisive action to get your freak on. That means going all in like in a high stakes game of poker and laying it all on the line. Well, perhaps that analogy is wrong. In fact, this recipe makes the art of culinary seduction seem easy. Polenta screams out classy and sophisticated. Just accept the compliment and go with it. Let the aphrodisiac double threat (black beans & avocado) and rich collection of textures speak for you. Don’t fret. The pants will come off like some freaky scientific mystery. I’ll give you a hint about the science: good food = great sex. And critics say this site is not educational! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cuban, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, black beans, black pepper, cornmeal, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homemade, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, limejuice, mango salsa, Mediterranean, naked, olive oil, pants off, polenta, pre-made, recipe, seduce, sex, sophisticated, starter, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 