January 8, 2013
Smoothee Operator. You’re a Smoothee Operatorrrrrrrrr!
Ever find yourself vexed with the choice of either eating breakfast or morning sex before work? I usually go for the latter. But why limit yourself when you can do both? Smoothees are a kick-ass kick-start to a kick-in-the-nuts day. With practice, you can blend on up, pour it in a to go cup, and be out the door in under a minute. If that isn’t reason enough, consider the health benefits. The fruit’s antioxidants nourish your mistreated body and give you a healthy jolt far healthier than coffee or tea. Protein powder will keep you sharp and satiated until lunch, and also give the male libido an extra push. Did I mention the aphrodisiac elements? Making a smoothee from home also makes economic sense too rather than paying a smoothee shop like Jamba Juice $6 a pop. But you already know that because like Sade says, “You’re a Smooth(ee) Operator.”
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $8 (with repeats in your future)
Drinking Buddy: Vodka mixed in, but only on weekends
Ingredients (for 2 smoothees):
1. 1 scoop of protein powder (optional)
2. 3 cups of your favorite juice (mine is blueberry)
3. 1 tablespoon of yogurt (optional
4. 1 handful of fresh/frozen mango chunks
5. 1 handful of fresh/frozen blackberries
6. 1 banana
Step 1
Throw all the ingredients in the blender in this order: banana, blackberry, mango, juice, and lastly yogurt if you so desire.
Step 2
Blend the shit out of the fruit until it all forms one sexy red color. If you want the extra umf, throw in the protein powder now and blend that too. Pour into cups, down them like a champ and get on with your morning, especially if that means getting it on.
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
September 5, 2012
Chase down that wet dream of yours!
I’ll be totally unoriginal and admit that I am a white man that loves the Asian ladies. The way they smell, their svelte bodies, their graceful ageing, their wiry pu…I’ll stop there. But unlike the majority of clichéd white boys chasing something exotic they’ve never tried, I actually started off my banging career with an Asian girl. My first girlfriend, and subsequently the girl who took my V card, was Thai. She told me her mother was Thai royalty, which I want to believe, but don’t quit buy since she drove a Hyundai. But it’s funnier saying I lost my virginity to a Thai princess. Regardless of royal lineage and dowry, this girl taught me well. Every lover who followed has benefited from her tutelage. The sad part is I started off with such a bang that many of the white girls that followed were boring by comparison. I am an equal opportunity banger, and get down with all colors of the rainbow. But part of me is still chasing those first tender, somewhat innocent moments with some choice yellowtail. This choice sashimi plate loved up by the ponzu sauce and fired up from the jalapeño slices should seal just about any Cook To Bang deal. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: appetizer, asian fetish, asian girl, equal opportunity banger, finger food, food, game changer, guarantee, healthy, Hyundai, intercourse, jalapeño, Japanese, libido, light, ponzu sauce, princess, recipe, sea salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, spicy, starter, sushi-grade, thai, v card, virginity, yellowtail | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 23, 2011
Forget the little blue pill. Try the big green melon!
Are you feeling weak-willed, pathetic and flaccid? You no longer have an excuse with this outstanding summer soup recipe. Studies have proven that the citrulline in WATERMELON triggers arginine, the chemical in Viagra that gets male pistons pumping. This soup will turbo charge your libido so you can take plenty of prisoners in the bedroom who won’t want to be released. Stockholm Syndrome will be in effect with the amount of good loving you will be dishing out in a soup bowl. Did I mention how refreshing chilled watermelon soup tastes, especially when you go for seconds after a particularly exhausting banging session? Now get yourself to the market and then blow your dates mind, body and soul. Boom-chicka-wah-wah! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, libation lubrication, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, arginine, bang, beta-carotene, butter, cancer-fighting, chilled, cialis, citrulline, club soda, delicious, DIY, easy, erectile dysfunction, flaccid, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hot, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, limejuice, lycopene, melon, mint, naked, recipe, refreshing, sauté, seduce, seedless, sex, Stockholm syndrome, sugar, summer soup, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, Viagra, vodka, Watermelon soup recipe, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 21, 2011
Wango tango bango mango
Some dances are forbidden for good reason. Most people don’t want Pandora’s box open. All the yeah yeahs get out and inspire naughty behavior. For the average church-going type, this mindset is justifiable. But the act of reading this website puts you in the OTHER category with the greatest minds of any time. We question the status quo. So why wouldn’t you dance a dance considered morally bankrupt if it makes you feel good? That is merely their misguided opinion based on an unbendable worldview. But not you, dear reader. Have at it! This salad shall inspire you to dance with your partner in ways that will make them gasp, while onlookers blush. To hell with the haters who just can’t hang with your self-expression! You’re too busy throwing down with every last bit of lusty passion anyhow. Now sashay already!
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: White wine or a BANGARITA
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 2 massive handfuls field greens
2. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
3. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN balsamic vinegar
4. 2 tbsp HONEY
5. 1 mango
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Slice the mango on either side of the pit. Cut checkerboard slices into the mango meat, pour in half the honey and balsamic vinegar, and rub it in. Throw the mango halves into a oven safe plate or pan and roast until the meat softens and absorbs the flavor (approx 25 min). Scoop out the mango slices, rubbing them into the sauce.
Step 2
Combine the olive oil, and remaining honey and balsamic vinegar, stirring it into a dressing.
Step 3
Toss the field greens, mango, and dressing. Serve up with a delectable SINWICH and you are golden.
Leave a Comment » | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, blush, calivirgin, chuch-going, dance, delicious, DIY, dressing, easy, field greens, food, forbidden, forbidden tango roast mango salad, fruit, game changer, gasp, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, haters, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mango, morally bankrupt, naked, olive oil, Pandora’s box, recipe, roast, roast mango salad recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, status quo, tango, tasty, toss your salad, unbendable, vegan, vegetarian, worldview, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 28, 2011
One good dip deserves another!
Few desserts guarantee fornication like chocolate-dipped strawberries. You have the chocolate/strawberry APHRODISIAC element right off the bat. But there is so much more to this seductively simple dessert. These berries take champagne to places you usually experience behind closed doors. All the better for setting the stage for seduction. Be sure to follow the unwritten rule that you never stuff a chocolate-dipped strawberry in your own mouth. Let your date feed you and return the favor. Play your cards right and the berries will be the first of many things you put in your date’s moth. My first dance with chocolate-dipped strawberries took place in a hotel room with my college girlfriend at the time. I found it odd that her sorority sister was there too. But when the girls started feeding each other I knew this was my anniversary gift. I savored every last morsel of sweet satisfaction. The strawberries were also quite good. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, berries, champagne, chocolate dipped strawberries, Chocolate dipped strawberry recipe, classy, delicious, dessert, easy, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, kitchen, naked, recipe, romance, romantic, SEDUCTION, semi-sweet chocolate, sex, sexy, strawberries, tasty, tuxedo strawberry recipe, vegetable oil, white chocolate, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 31, 2011
Eat enough of this salad and you'll be like Popeye, banging Olive Oil until Wimpy hits you up for more burger money.
The object to any CTB meal is to wow your date into submitting to your carnal cravings. Their heads’ gotta spin like a GI Joe helicoptering after you twist him around until the rubber band almost snaps. Serve something forgettable, and you can forget any extracurricular activities. I don’t even waste my time with anything that might as well have been nuked from a Hungry Man Dinner. You shouldn’t either unless you prefer servicing yourself rather than have a smoking hot bombshell do it for you. Take this spinach salad. Sure I could have assembled a pre-made package in the time it would take to prematurely ejaculate (at least you’d get off). But a spinach salad that tastes like an angel floated down, fed you, and then gave you a reach around is more my speed. I wager those of you who enjoy similar celestial satisfaction will agree. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: angelic, angels, bacon, bang, banging, black pepper, bombshell, carnal cravings, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, feta cheese, food, game changer, get laid, gi joe, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, helicopter, homemade, hungry man dinner, intercourse, kitchen, libido, makes head spinach salad, memorable, microwave, mushrooms, naked, premature ejaculation, recipe, rogerings, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach salad recipe, tasty, toss your salad, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 7, 2011
A ha! The Ahi Salad has granted me powers heretofore unattainable!
Congratulations! You have graduated to a higher plane of salad making. Now you refuse to settle for iceberg lettuce smothered in ranch dressing. There is nothing nutritious nor sexy about that blasphemous culinary combination. No, you are a sophisticated salad eater that wants great taste with enough nutrients to allow you to survive a nuclear famine in style. Hopefully the date you have chosen to share this with is on the same page because this salad requires 110% commitment. I have faith that as a reader of COOK TO BANG you are in fact ready to blow them away and get blown in the process. So get down to business and take this radical new approach to salad making. When you become a superhero that can hear a mosquito fart in another state you won’t have to question how this came to be. Just go with it. I’m so <wipes away tear> proud of you! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, fusion, healthy, Japanese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: Ahi tuna salad recipe, ahi tune steaks, bang, blasphemous, cherry tomatoes, cilantro, DIY, easy, famine, gourmet, green, green onions, healthy, homemade, Japanese, kitchen, lemon, miso dressing, mix greens, mosquito, naked, nuclear, nutritious, olive oil, outstanding, pistachios, salad, seared ahi tuna, sesame seeds, sex, sophisticated, soy sauce, strawberries, superhero | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 2, 2011
Roquefort and Roll out of bed after a night of unspeakable acts.
This salad will rock her world. It will also rock his world. And its world should your dog eat it before you can. It’s like a techno dance party in your mouth. Each complimentary flavor will have the chance to bust a move on your tongue’s dance floor. The tart of the lemon will give a shout out to the creamy Roquefort who kicks it over to the endive ditty on out to the crispety crunchety apple who tips its hat to the tangy cranberry bossa nova. No one is immune to the uncontrollable taste bud tango. This is a great way to warm the evening up with a little bit of this and whole lot of that. Warning: those allergic to edible orgasms should steer clear if you know what’s good for you. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apple, avocado, bang, bleu cheese, bust a move, cherry tomatoes, delicious, DIY, dried cranberries, easy, edible orgasm, endives, France, french, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, naked, olive oil, recipe, Roquefort cheese, Roquefort cheese endive salad, seduce, sex, spinach, taste bud tango, tasty, techno dance party, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 28, 2010
Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!
The seedy, juicy, messy Biblical fruit has invaded my kitchen. This so-called super fruit is fabled to combat cancer, heart disease and ugliness. The juice stains deep red so it has to be the mark of something special, right? Naturally, wanting to make sure my readers are not only sexually satisfied, but healthy enough to enjoy the vigorous exercise associated with banging, I am bringing the pomegranate into the COOK TO BANG fold. The seeds are a challenge to set free, but the joy they bring with each bite make them well worth the trouble. It’s not unlike removing a stubborn bra: you may jam your finger in an effort to set free a pair of glorious juggernauts. A little extra effort will pay off dividends when your date is touched by your concern for their health. Come dessert time it will be paid forward and hopefully again for breakfast. Now go on and shake it until you make it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, biblical, bra, calivirgin, cancer, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, feta cheese, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, health, healthy, heart disease, homemade, intercourse, juggernauts, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, pay it forward, pear, pomegranate, pomegranate pear feta salad recipe, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, roughage, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexually satisfied, shake your pom pomegranate salad recipe, super food, tasty, ugliness, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 1, 2010
That's the musty smell of a quickie, not the fishy scent of the sandwich.
Who says quickies can’t be romantic, satisfying and straight up sexy? Clearly these pantywaists have never gone home on a lunch break to bang like a jackhammer fast, furious and effective. Those who do know relish that all-too-familiar feeling of awesomeness when you get back to the office, grinning ear to ear. Your coworkers will assume that you ate a great sandwich, which is technically true. The fact that you made sandwiches between the sheets is beside the point. Between driving home, banging like a thoroughbred and then driving back to work, time to eat is limited. Lucky for you there are fast, simple, refreshing meals like this sandwich to recharge your battery for the long afternoon that lies ahead. Plus you are putting leftovers from last night to work. Pat yourself on the back for being so resourceful. You are an inspiration to us all! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, fusion, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, seafood, SINWICHES, southern, spicy | Tagged: afternoon quickie, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, blackened catfish, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, fish sandwich recipe, fish wrap, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, jackhammer, kitchen, leftover fish, lettuce, libido, lunch break, naked, on the go, pantywaist, papaya salsa, pita, quickie fishy sinwich recipe, recharge, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, thoroughbred, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 